Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

It’s the Only One You’ve Got!

But wait . . . do YOU value your body? That’s a tough one. We know that a lot of girls DON’T feel good about their bodies. WHY? Is it because magazines have made them feel they don’t look like toothpicky models?

What about you? Do you feel okay about your body? Have kids at school told you your body isn’t good enough? Are you taking care of your body like you should by eating healthy (veggies, water, avoiding fast food and junk food), exercising (sports, walking, getting off the couch and away from the computer), and protecting it from harm (wearing helmets, seat belts, avoiding drugs and alcohol, abstaining from sex or protecting yourself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections)?

If you don’t take care of your body, who will? If you don’t take care of it, you lose respect for it. What a shame! Our bodies are amazing things. Think about the five senses (touching, smelling, seeing, tasting, hearing) and the things like music, nature, textures, food and beauty they allow you to experience. Remember all the stuff about growing a baby? Your body is miraculous and helps you DO incredible stuff! Bodies are powerful!

Respect your body, and make sure your boyfriend shares that value. Your boyfriend will never become your true love unless he shares your values. If you have a boyfriend who doesn’t share your values and pushes you to do things that you are not comfortable with, it’s time for the big dump, the breakup, the drop off. You can never truly be close to someone who doesn’t share your most important values.

It’s never easy, but it’s a rule we all need to live by: Choose boyfriends who respect your body! Now that’s a decision that gives us girls power and strength!

Decision Time

Okay. So what happens when you’ve stuck by your rule to choose a boyfriend who shares your values and respects your body? Good job! He’s looking like Mr. Perfect, true-love-wannabe. You feel emotionally intimate because you’ve gotten to know each other. You are definitely having those warm, tingly feelings of sexual desire. It’s thrilling, exciting . . . and overwhelming. Yikes! Where do you go now?

A big part of growing up is figuring out how you will handle situations that involve being close with another person. That means figuring out what you expect of yourself when it comes to having sex and doing things that are sexual. Maybe you haven’t really thought about it yet, but you need to start deciding when it will be okay to do some sexual things.

Why now? Now, because you are smart enough to figure out what is important to you. Now, because you are becoming independent enough to make good decisions. Now, because you are growing up and becoming the type of girl who sticks to her values in lots of different situations—when it’s easy and when it’s hard.

Plan It Now

It’s time for you to start thinking about your future and making some promises to yourself . . . maybe you can even make some promises to your future true love. Isn’t that dreamy? If you decide and promise yourself now, you’ll be more likely to stick with those promises, even in the “heat of a romantic moment.”

Girls who have a plan about when it is okay to have sex are more likely to stick with that decision and not let some smooth-talking guy change their plans. There is a lot of power in having a plan!

So, What’s Your Plan Gonna Be?

You’ll hear lots of different answers, especially to the question of when it is okay to “go all the way” or have sexual intercourse. You’ll hear things like:• When you are married • When you are dating steady • When you are 18 years old • When you have been dating a boy for one year (or maybe six months or even three months) • Whenever you feel like it • When a guy says he loves you

Talk about those mixed messages!

Your plan for physical closeness with a guy will involve a lot more than just sexual intercourse, but let’s start there since it is the most important decision.

WhyWait?

There are plenty of good reasons to wait to have sex: We’re going to sound like parents for a minute (and uh . . . we are parents), but here goes. If you wait until you are an adult in a mature, long-term, committed relationship before you have sex, then:• There is less emotional“baggage,” such as guilt, disappointment and fear.

• You will have a more mature relationship before you have sex.

• You will have better sex with your eventual husband when you don’t have memories of sex with other guys.

• You can accept pregnancy as a consequence and become a parent when you will be excited and prepared for it.

Now we’re going to sound like doctors for a minute (remember, we are doctors, too). More good reasons to delay sexual activity are:• Girls who have sex at a younger age tend to have more sexual partners during their lifetimes.

• You will have less risk for cervical cancer if you have fewer sexual partners. Every new guy you have sex with increases your chance of getting a virus that can cause cervical cancer.

• The younger you are when you have sex, the higher your risk for sexually transmitted infections. Infections can cause infertility, cancer, pain, even death.

• You can’t get pregnant if you don’t have sex. Pregnancy in middle school or high school is not what most girls want or need.

And finally we’re just going to sound like girlfriends (we are female and we do care). More good reasons to delay sexual activity are:• Young guys aren’t typically interested in the relationship as much as they are interested in getting sexual experience or pleasure.

• Many young guys don’t feel the same emotional attachment with sex that girls typically feel. The emotional part seems to come at a later age for guys.

• Teen boys can be great friends, but they are often awkward or self-centered when it comes to sex and making girls enjoy the sexual experience. They make themselves feel good, but they don’t really understand how to help you feel good and enjoy sex.

It’s a Big Deal!

Sex is a big deal. It can be awesome with the right person, but it takes a mature relationship that most girls don’t experience until they are adults, so why waste it?

So what do you do in the meantime? The wait can be fun! Once you have a romantic interest, someone you trust and want to be with, you’ll need to decide how far you will go. If the intimate feelings are there, there are lots of different things you can do to physically enjoy each other or to show affection.

There are some risk-free things that are fun, like holding hands, hugging, giving a back rub or shoulder massage, and playing with each other’s hair. Things like this allow you to spend time comfortably together without feeling pressured to do sexual things.