“How much in actual cash?”
Max thought for a second. “You have a point there. It might not be unpatriotic for us to try to get ourselves out of this scrape. Let’s trot up to the cockpit and see what we can do about changing the course of the plane.”
Reaching the cockpit, they slipped into the pilot’s and co-pilot’s seats. Max grasped the wheel and pulled back on it.
“Locked! Just as Noman said. Well, it’s comforting to know, anyway, that he’s no liar.”
“Max! Do something!”
“I’ll call the tower,” Max said. “They might have a suggestion. I suppose this is old hat to them.” He picked up the pilot’s microphone, punched the button, and spoke.
Max: Crashing airplane calling tower. Crashing airplane calling tower. Come in, please. Over.
Tower: Identify yourself, crashing airplane. Over.
Max: Well, let’s see… what can I say? We’re the plane with the sun shining brightly on our fuselage. Our nose is down and our tail is up. And we’re about to make violent contact with the earth and explode in a shower of multicolored flames. Over.
Tower: Yes, I see you now. What seems to be the trouble? Over.
Max: Think back on that description I just gave you and I think you’ll be able to figure it out. Over.
Tower: Oh, yes… Well, I wish there were something I could do to help. But I just don’t have time right now. I’m going off duty. Could you call back tomorrow? About eight hours earlier? Over.
Max: May I make a countersuggestion? Over.
Tower: It’s your nickel. Over.
Max: Perhaps I could talk to your relief. He might have something to offer. Over.
Tower: Oh, I’m sure he would. Old Big Mouth. You name it and he’s got the answer. But I’m afraid that would involve us all in a nasty jurisdictional dispute. You see, you’re crashing in my time period. So you’re my responsibility. If I turn you over to Big Mouth, he’d get to share in all the glory. Over.
Max: Glory? Over.
Tower: Whenever there’s a crash, the tower operator on duty is always interviewed on TV. Over.
Max: I can understand that. But I’m a little vague on the jurisdictional aspect. Could you fill me in? Over.
Tower: My wife has jurisdiction over my TV appearances, and Big Mouth’s wife has jurisdiction of his TV appearances. My wife would have a tantrum. She’s grooming me to be the new Arthur Godfrey. Over.
Max: My best wishes. Over.
Tower: Care to hear a ukulele solo? Over.
Max: I thought you were going off duty. Over.
Tower: We could consider it an encore. I don’t mind cheating a bit if it will help my career. Over.
Max: All right. May I make a request? Over.
Tower: Anything you want to hear. Over.
Max: Give me one chorus of ‘How to Land an Airplane that is Headed Straight for the Ground with the Controls Locked’. Over.
Tower: In what key? Over.
Max: At this point, I don’t think it matters very much. Looking out the window, I see that we’re only about ten feet from the ground. Over.
Tower: I think you better make that ‘Over and Out’. Over and out.
Max put aside the microphone. He turned to Peaches. “It might be a good idea to close your eyes,” he suggested. “I suspect the next few minutes are going to be rather messy.”
“Max! No! Look! The plane is leveling off!”
Max stared out the window. “Fantastic! We’re coming in for a perfect three-point landing!”
“What happened?” Peaches said, baffled.
“Apparently I’m a better pilot than I thought,” Max replied. “Which is pretty amazing, since I’ve never had a lesson in my life.”
“Max, you didn’t do anything.”
“Then who, what-” Max suddenly brightened. “Of course!”
“What is it?”
“Follow me,” Max said.
He got out of the pilot’s seat, left the cockpit, and made his way down the aisle toward the rear of the plane. Peaches tagged after him, perplexed. Max entered the rear section of the plane, then opened the door to the compartment that housed the control wires. The emotionless face of Agent 44 appeared in the opening.
“You did it!” Max said.
“I’m sorry, Max,” 44 replied sheepishly. “I was just fooling around. I got lonesome back here. Did I break anything?”
“Only our fall,” Max replied. “We were crashing, 44, and you brought us in for a perfect landing!”
“Imagine that! And I’ve never had a lesson in my life.”
“You have a natural talent, obviously,” Max said. “Don’t spoil it, 44, by taking lessons.”
“I won’t.”
“So long, 44,” Max said. “And thanks again.”
“My pleasure. See you around, Max.”
Max closed the door, then led the way out of the plane.
As they crossed the runway toward the terminal, Peaches said, “Max, I’m not interested in doing any more flying today.”
“Relax,” Max replied. “Since I. M. Noman probably waited around to see the crash, and then saw us land, he’s undoubtedly still here at the airport. I imagine he’s just itching for us to get aboard another plane-so he can plan another of his devilish tricks. But, we’re going to out-fox him. We’re going to drive to New York!”
“Is your car here, Max?”
“My car is parked in front of Control headquarters,” Max replied. “We couldn’t use it, anyway. It has a bug in it. Every time I slam the door the cannon goes off.”
“I won’t ask you to explain that. But, tell me, if you don’t have your car here, how are we going to drive to New York?”
“Simple. We’ll rent a car.”
“That is simple!” Peaches said, surprised. “How did you think of it?”
“It wasn’t easy,” Max replied.
They entered the terminal, then went to the rent-a-car desk.
“We’d like to rent a car,” Max said to the girl behind the counter.
“Fancy that!” she replied. “Most of our customers ask for elephants.”
“That’s very funny,” Max said sourly. “But, do you mind? We’re in a bit of a hurry.”
“Where are you taking this car?” the girl said.
“I’m sorry. That’s classified information.”
“Well… when will you bring it back?”
“Sorry. Top secret.”
“Why don’t you take a bus?” the girl suggested. “There’s always a bus leaving every-hour-on-the-hour-more or less-and you can leave the driving to the bus driver.”
“Madam, we want to rent a car.”
“All right. Tell me where you’re taking it.”
Max sighed. “New York, then possibly Moscow, then possibly Peking.”
“Moscow and Peking are across a couple of oceans, aren’t they?”
“I haven’t the faintest idea,” Max replied. “I intended to stop at a filling station on the way and ask.”
“Will you promise not to get water in our ash trays?”
“The minute we reach the ocean,” Max replied, “I’ll wrap your ash trays in waterproof bags.”
“Fine. We’re very careful about our ash trays. Do what you want with the rest of the car, but please take care of the ash trays.” She made an unpleasant face. “Some of our customers put ashes in them.”
“May we have the car now?”
