man ask for?”
“But aren’t you locked in?”
“Sure. That’s the best part. This way, we’re not tempted to wander off.”
“But don’t you miss your freedom?” Peaches said.
The man squinted at her. “You been outside lately, lady?”
“Yes. We just came in from the outside.”
“What was going on out there?”
“Well, let’s see… We nearly got driven into the Potomac River
… and we were almost in an airplane crash… and we were arrested for speeding… and…”
“In other words, a typical day,” the man said. “And you can ask me if I miss my freedom?”
“Yes, but-” Peaches thought for a second, then sat down in one of the chairs. “He’s right, Max. Have a seat.”
“You forget,” Max said. “Noman is probably on his way down here. And when he gets here, he’ll demand the Plan. Let’s not forget-the you-know-what of the entire you-know-what is hanging in the you-know-what.”
“That sounds familiar,” the man said. “You must be a Control agent.” He indicated the other men. “We were all Control agents once,” he said. “But, luckily, we were captured by Noman.” He smiled, recalling. “Oh, the many times I’ve heard that call to duty-the you-know-what of the entire you-know-what is hanging in the you-know-what. Fortunately, I don’t remember what it means any more.”
Max crooked a finger at Peaches. “I’d like to speak to you in private, please,” he said.
“I’m just getting comfortable.”
“If you don’t mind!”
Reluctantly, Peaches got up and followed Max to the other side of the room.
“I think we’re in luck,” Max said. “Right now, these men are under the spell of the TV set. But… once a Control agent, always a Control agent. I think I can revive their interest in the fate of the you-know-what. And when I do, they’ll rebel and help us break out of this cell.”
“They’d be fools to,” Peaches said. “They’ve got it made.”
“Nevertheless, instinct is stronger than security.”
“Who told you that?”
“I just made it up,” Max replied. “And now I’ll prove it.”
Max stepped to the center of the room. “Gentlemen!” he called. “May I have your attention!”
The program had paused so that the sponsor could deliver a commercial, so the men turned to Max.
“Gentlemen, my name is Max Smart. I have been sent here by Control to liberate you from the clutches of that diabolical monster, I. M. Noman.”
A voice replied. “Yeaaaa! Noman! Booooo! Smart!”
“I think you will change your minds,” Max went on, “when you learn that I have in my possession a Dooms Day Plan. As long as I keep the Plan, the world, as we know it, is safe. But — if the Plan falls into the hands of Noman, I think we can expect a pretty messy world in the near future. Consequently, I call upon you to-”
Max had lost his audience. The program was on again, and the men had turned back to it.
Max sighed. “I guess I’ll have to wait for the station break,” he said.
But at that moment Noman appeared at the bars of the cell.
“Smart!” he called. “Hand the Plan through the bars to me!”
“Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin,” Max replied.
“Smart, the cord to the television set is plugged in outside the cell. Hand me the Plan or I’ll unplug it. And when the set goes dead, these prisoners will go stark raving mad and destroy everything and everyone within reach. It’ll be a cruel way to go, Smart.”
“The key word is ‘everything,’ Noman. They’ll also destroy the Plan.”
Noman winced. “You have a point there. They’d be mad as wet hens back at Headquarters.” He sighed. “I’ll just have to come in and get it.”
“This is our chance,” Max said to Peaches. “When he opens the cell door, we’ll rush him.”
But Noman first pulled out a pistol, then opened the cell door.
“Scratch that,” Max said to Peaches. “We’ll have to play it by ear.”
Just then the program ended, and the between programs commercial came on. Noman took advantage of the situation.
“Prisoners,” he said. “You have an enemy in your midst.”
The men turned toward Max and Peaches, showing their teeth.
“That piece of paper that Smart is holding,” Noman said. “It’s next week’s program schedule. Get it!”
The men rushed at Max.
But Max wadded the Plan into a ball and tossed it across the room to Peaches. “Run!”
Peaches caught the ball-but found herself hemmed in by another group of men. She tossed it to Max.
Max caught it, and started to throw it back. But just then he was struck on the arm by one of the men.
“Foul!” Max cried.
The men stood back, looking sheepish.
“That’s a free-throw for me,” Max said. “Everybody keep away!”
The men waited, tense and eager. And Max lobbed the ball to Peaches.
As she caught it, the men came to life and rushed at her once more.
Peaches tossed the ball high into the air-toward Max. But, as the ball rose toward the ceiling, the trap door above opened, and a hand reached down and snatched the ball from the air.
“Interference!” Noman shrieked.
“What happened?” Peaches asked, perplexed.
“I think the referee got into the game,” Max said.
Noman whipped around and raced from the cell, leaving the door open.
“After him!” Max cried.
Max and Peaches ran from the cell, and saw Noman disappearing up a stairway.
At the same time, the men in the cell cried out to Max and Peaches. “Stop! Wait! Lock the door!”
Max and Peaches halted.
“Lock the door?” Max said.
“We might escape!” one of the men explained fearfully.
“Oh… yes.” Max walked back to the cell and locked it. “There you are-snug in your spell in the cell.”
“We’ll never forget you for this,” the men said. “If you ever have a TV program, we promise to watch you.”
“That’s hardly likely,” Max said. He turned back to Peaches. “Onward and upward!” he cried.
They raced up the stairs. And just as they reached the top they saw Noman again. He went charging through the doorway. As he did, however, a foot was stuck in his path, and he fell flat on his face and skidded across the floor.
Max and Peaches reached the doorway just in time to see Noman plummet through the trap door.
“Happy landing!” Max called out.
They went to the trap door and looked down. Noman was in the locked cell, shaking a fist up at them.
Max shook a fist back at him.
“Why are you doing that?” Peaches asked.
“Good manners are never out of fashion,” Max replied. “When someone shakes a fist at you, politeness requires that you shake a fist back at him.” He closed the trap door. “That, I suspect, is the end of Noman,” he said.
“I hope so. But, Max, where is the Plan?”
Max looked around the room. It was vacant. “Look for a foot,” he said.
“A foot?”
“The foot that tripped Noman. Attached to that foot, I think, we will find our benefactor-whoever it was who snatched the Plan out of the air.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to look,” Peaches said.
“Logic will reveal the answer,” Max replied. “Now, logically, where would you expect to find a foot? In a
