The driver laughed.
“No, really, it is,” Max insisted.
“That’s okay, if you don’t want to tell me, don’t tell me,” the driver said. “My feelings won’t be hurt. Us cab drivers are used to that kind of thing. Nobody won’t explain no new games to us. It hurts-at first-but we get used to it.”
“Honest,” Max said. “It isn’t a game, it’s a top secret code. We’re trying to decipher it.”
“Sure.”
“Cross my heart,” Max said.
“Yeah, yeah… it’s the same old story. A cab driver’s not human. He’s just a slob that sits up front and steers. I know. I get it all the time. But that’s okay. It don’t hurt so much no more.”
“Look,” Max said, getting out his wallet. “Here are my credentials. I’m a secret agent. And this young lady is a free-lance cryptographer.”
The driver glanced at Max’s credentials, then looked back at Peaches. “A cryptographer, eh? Ain’t you a little grown up to be going around taking pictures of graves?”
“That’s not what she does,” Max said. “She breaks codes.”
“Max, ignore him,” Peaches said. “We have work to do.”
“Ignore him? Hasn’t the world hurt him enough? Do you want me to add to that by ignoring him? I couldn’t sleep nights with that on my conscience.”
“Them’s nice credentials,” the driver said, handing back Max’s wallet.
“Then, you believe me?”
“Sure, sure, sure,” the driver said sourly, facing front again.
“No you don’t. You don’t really believe me,” Max said.
“All I know is, anybody can get a bunch of phony credentials made up.”
Max turned to Peaches. “Let’s let him play our game.”
“No thanks,” the driver said. “I don’t want to play in no game where I ain’t wanted.”
“Please,” Max begged.
“Well…” He turned back to them once more. “Okay, if it’ll make you happy. How does the game go?”
“We have these letters,” Max said. “The letters are: CBAABHDE. Now, the problem is to change the letters around until they make a message. Got it?”
“Got it,” the driver replied, facing front once again.
Max smiled happily. “I may have just saved a human soul,” he said to Peaches. “There was a man who felt discriminated against by society. We were all playing games, but we wouldn’t let him play. In time, he could have become a criminal cab driver. But, now, I think he’ll be all right. He’s in the mainstream of society. Before long, he’ll have enough confidence in his ability to give up driving a cab and get an executive position in one of our major industries. He’ll be a Somebody. And when he rides in cabs he’ll remember what happened today. He’ll play games with the drivers, and send them on the road to Success.”
“That’s nauseating,” Peaches said. “Now, can we get back to work?”
“Yes.” Max leaned forward. “Do you have anything yet?” he said to the driver.
“I worked out a name,” the driver replied.
“What is it?”
“C. B. Aabhde.”
“That’s a name?”
“That’s all I can figure out it could be.”
“Keep trying,” Max said, settling back in the seat.
“I think I’m getting something,” Peaches said. “So far, I have the words ‘bad’ and ‘he’. That leaves me with ‘acb’.”
“Hmmmm. Bad he. Or, he bad. You’re right, there might possibly be something there.”
“But I can’t make anything out of ‘acb’.”
“How about ‘bac’? He bad bac. Perhaps it refers to someone with a slipped disc or a strained sacroiliac.”
“Max! I have it!”
“What? What?”
“It’s ‘He bad cab’.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Max said. “It doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“Max-what are we riding in?”
“A taxi.”
“No, no, what’s the other word for taxi?”
“Hack?”
“No, Max. Cab!”
“In other words, you’re saying that we’re riding in a bad cab. Or, in still other words, that our cab driver is a bad guy.”
“That’s it, Max. Our driver is-”
At that moment, the driver turned in the seat to face them. “Permit me to introduce myself,” he said, smiling sinisterly. “I am I. M. Noman!”
“Yes,” Max said peevishly, “and you also bad cab.”
3
As Max spoke, the cab suddenly shot forward at a tremendous speed. And at the same time, Noman turned completely in the front seat, facing Max and Peaches, and ignoring the steering wheel and other controls.
“Help!” Peaches shrieked. “We’ll be killed.”
“You know, that possibility does exist,” Max said to Noman. “We’re hurtling forward at-” He looked at the speedometer. “At ninety-one-point-three miles per hour, and no one is at the wheel. It’s conceivable that an accident could occur.”
“As a matter of fact, it’s entirely unlikely,” Noman replied. “This cab is electronically-controlled-and programmed to avoid all obstacles.”
“That’s hard to believe,” Max said.
“Would you believe, then, that it’s programmed to avoid ninety per cent of the obstacles?”
“That sounds a bit more like it,” Max said. “After all, no one is perfect-not even an electronically-controlled cab.”
“This cab is as close to perfect as any cab now in existence,” Noman said. “It was the cab, in fact, that made it possible for me to find you in that deserted section of the city. You see, it has a homing device. I can direct it toward any of several objects and it will speed unerringly to the target. To find you, all I had to do was set the dial on ‘Max Smart’.”
“This is insane!” Peaches said. “I don’t believe it-not any of it!”
Noman indicated a dial on the control panel. “See for yourself.”
Max and Peaches leaned forward and peered at the dial. It had several settings-‘Max Smart’-‘Potomac River’-‘Busy Bee Lunch’-‘Public Library’-‘Frank’s Shoe Repair’-‘Hotel Windsor (Room 603)’-‘Miscellaneous’.
“Busy Bee Lunch?” Max said.
“They serve the best beet soup in town,” Noman explained.
“I see. I also notice that, right now, the indicator is set on ‘Potomac River’. Is that significant?”
“No, it’s a plain old river.”
“What I mean is, is the cab, by any chance, headed for the Potomac River?”
“I’m glad you asked that,” Noman replied. “It saves me the trouble of pointing it out. And time is important in this case. For, in a very few minutes, this cab will plunge-carrying with it all its occupants-directly into the Potomac River.”
“Help!” Peaches shrieked again.
“That won’t help,” Noman said. “The cab can be stopped only by disengaging its homing device. And, of the
