three of us, only I know how to do that.”
“Would it be unreasonable to suggest, then, that you do it-before we all plunge into the river and drown?” Max said.
“Not unreasonable, but pointless. I have no intention of disengaging the device until I have the Dooms Day Plan in my hands.”
“Give it to him!” Peaches screamed at Max.
Max looked at her disappointedly. “You seem to forget-the fate of the entire you-know-what hangs in the you-know-what.”
“But we’ll all be drowned!” she wailed.
“That’s a telling point,” Max admitted. “However, I sort of promised the Chief that I’d look after this Plan. And it just isn’t nice to break a promise. So, I guess we’ll all just have to drown.”
Noman pulled a gun and pointed it at Max’s head. “Maybe this will change your mind.”
“To a drowned man, a hole in the head is not particularly troublesome,” Max replied.
“But suppose I shoot you, take the Plan, then disengage the homing device and escape?”
“Now, that could be troublesome,” Max admitted.
“Give him the Plan!” Peaches begged.
“No,” Max said. “Obviously, the only honorable thing to do is swallow it.”
“It’s too big to swallow!”
“Not bite by bite, it isn’t,” Max replied. And, so saying, he took a bite off the corner of the sheet of paper.
“You fool!” Noman raged. “This means your death!”
Max frowned. “Is paper poisonous?”
“No, but it means that I have no choice. Now, I must send you to your end in the river.” He looked out the front window. “And the river is only minutes away.”
“For heaven’s sake, hurry,” Peaches said to Max. “If you’re going to swallow the Plan, do it!”
“My mother taught me to chew thoroughly,” Max said. “It’s the secret of good digestion.”
“What does that matter! You’re going to die!”
“Perhaps so. But not because of poor digestion.”
“We’re almost to the river!” Noman cried. “Hold your noses!”
Max sighed heavily. “I can’t go through with it,” he said. He handed the Plan to Noman. “Here, take it.”
“Oh, Max,” Peaches squealed. “You did this for me.”
“No, I did it for my digestive system,” Max said. “I just couldn’t eat that Plan. It’s the most poorly seasoned Plan I ever tasted. It tastes like… well, like paper.”
Peaches turned to Noman. “You have the Plan. Now, stop the cab!”
“Like fudge, I will!” Noman laughed. “Your doom is sealed. Now that I have the Plan, I intend to eject myself from the cab, and leave you two here to plunge into the Potomac.”
“Exactly what I’d expect from a KAOS agent,” Max said. “Your actions are like your Plans-tasteless.”
“Toodle-loo!” Noman said. “I am now going to activate my ejection seat, rocket into the air, and descend safely by parachute.”
Then, smiling evilly, Noman punched his ejection button.
But, just as he did, Max reached out and snatched the Plan from his hand.
Noman went shooting through an opening in the roof of the cab-without the Plan.
“I did it!” Max cried. “I saved the day!”
“For how long?” Peaches said gloomily. “We’re still headed for the river.”
“But we have the Plan! The entire you-know-what of the you-know-what is no longer hanging in the you- know-what.”
“In a few minutes, I don’t think that’s going to make much difference to me,” Peaches moaned.
“We may still be able to escape,” Max said. “Try the doors.”
But the doors were all locked.
“Good-by, Max,” Peaches wept. “I wish I could say it had been a pleasure knowing you.”
Max was looking out the rear window. “There’s Noman,” he said. “He’s floating safely down to earth by parachute. But — without the Plan. I guess that proves it-the good guys always win.”
“Max! I can see the river! We’re lost!”
“We couldn’t be lost if you can see the river,” Max said. “That’s where we’re headed-the river. So how could we be lost?”
“I mean we’re doomed!”
“No-wait! Parachute! That gives me an idea!”
“Even if we had parachutes, what good would it do? We’re too close to the ground to jump.”
“A parachute can be used for other things besides jumping,” Max said. He began poking in his pockets. “Let’s see now, where did I put that parachute?”
“You’re mad!” Peaches sobbed.
Max extracted a ballpoint pen from an inside pocket. “Ah! Here it is!”
“That’s a parachute?”
“Yes. A parachute, and an acetylene torch, and a six-shot revolver, and a hair-dryer, and half of a set of chopsticks, and a miscellaneous. The only thing it won’t do is write.”
“But how will it help?”
“Just watch!”
Max punched the button at the top of the pen and a sledge hammer popped out the end. “That’s the miscellaneous,” he explained.
“You’re mad, and your pen is mad!”
Quickly, with one blow, Max smashed the rear window of the cab.
“That’s wonderful!” Peaches enthused.
“It could have been neater,” Max said.
“What now?”
Max retracted the sledge hammer, then pointed the pen out the opening. “Now-”
He punched the button again. This time a parachute popped from the pen. It opened, billowed, and then, acting as a brake, brought the cab to a halt.
“We’re saved!” Peaches cried joyfully.
“Yes,” Max said, less happily. “But every blessing has its drawbacks. Now, I have to re-pack that parachute.”
“But we’re alive, Max!”
“That’s fine for you. But have you ever tried to pack a parachute into a ballpoint pen?”
“Then leave it,” Peaches said disgustedly.
“Leave it?” Max was appalled. “That’s Government property. Every parachute I lose comes out of my salary.”
“But Max, we don’t have time to re-pack it. Noman might catch up with us. And, as you keep saying, the fate of the entire you-know-what hangs in the you-know-what.”
“I guess you’re right,” Max sighed. “I’ll have to leave the parachute. Even though it’ll mean that, to pay for it, I’ll have to skip lunches for a week.”
“What now, Max?” Peaches said.
“Onward and upward.”
“What does that mean?”
“Onward to the airport, and upward in a plane,” Max replied. “But first, I think I’d better report in to the Chief. He’ll be worried. You know how Chiefs are-they worry.”
Peaches looked at him warily. “This is where you contact the Chief on your shoe-right?”
“Right. But we can’t stay here by the river. Noman will probably come looking for us.” He pointed. “There’s a building over there. We’ll get inside, out of sight, then I’ll phone the Chief.”
“Oh, I see,” Peaches said, brightening. “That’s the Telephone Company.”
Max looked at the building again. “As a matter of fact, it is,” he said. “But, that’s all right-any building will
