The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

4

As Max, 99 and Wormser von BOOM were disembarking from the ocean liner at the pier in Africa, a gigantic wooden crate, being carried by a crane, came loose, hurtled downward, and crashed only feet from them.

Max waved genially to the crane operator. “That’s all right-accidents will happen,” he called.

“Max! We could have been killed!” 99 said.

“99, anybody can make a mistake. And we have to pay particular attention to show these people that we’re nice guys. In some places, Americans aren’t too well thought of today. So we have to go out of our way to be friendly.”

“Yes, Max, but-Eeeeeeeek!”

A taxi had zoomed by, missing them by a matter of inches.

“Think nothing of it!” Max shouted after the driver. “Our fault for being on the sidewalk!”

“Max, what I was about to say was, isn’t it possible that these accidents haven’t been accidents? If KAOS-”

“Just a second, 99,” Max said, his eyes narrowing. “Something has just occurred to me. Doesn’t it seem a little strange to you that all of these near-fatal accidents are happening to us? Why not to anybody else? After all, there were other detested Americans on that ship. 99, I’m beginning to suspect that these accidents haven’t actually been accidents.”

“You mean-”

“Right, 99. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that the local KAOS agents have been alerted to our arrival. From now on, we better make it our policy to be suspicious of everyone and anyone.”

“Good idea, Max.”

Von BOOM snorted. “A child could have figured that out.”

Max eyed him suspiciously. “Haven’t I seen you somewhere before, buster?”

“Max, that’s-” 99 began.

“I know, I know, 99. Just practicing.”

“Oh. Well. . what now, Max?”

“Well, we’ll- Oh, excuse me,” Max said to a small, dumpy Arab who had slipped a hand into Max’s pocket, “I think my pocket is caught on your fingers.”

The Arab glared at him. “I’m not surprised. You’re probably trying to bribe me. You despicable Americans think money is the answer to everything. How much were you going to offer?”

“Actually, I don’t carry my money in that pocket,” Max replied. “It’s in my wallet.”

“Details, details, let’s get on with the bribe.”

“I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong impression,” Max said. “I have no reason to bribe you. All I need is directions to the nearest trustworthy rent-a-camel agency.”

The small, dumpy Arab pointed. “Up the street about six blocks.” He held out a hand, palm up. “That will be five bucks.”

“Are you sure it’s trustworthy?” Max said. “No offense meant, but you know how undependable you foreigners are.”

“It’s trustworthy,” the Arab replied. “That’ll be ten bucks.”

“You said five bucks.”

“That was before I put my reputation on the line and assured you it was trustworthy. You see any signs hanging on me saying I toss in my reputation for free?”

Von BOOM started to wander off. Max reached out and grabbed him and held him. “When you said ‘line,’ he was reminded to go to the post office,” he explained to the puzzled-looking Arab.

“What is he-some kind of a Sidney?”

“So you know him, too,” said Max, shaking his head. He got out his wallet and handed the Arab a ten dollar bill. “Understand now, that’s not a bribe,” he said. “It’s payment for services rendered.”

The Arab winked. “I’ll never squeal.” He departed, folding the ten dollar bill, then tucking it into the folds of his burnoose.

“I think I handled that very well,” Max said, pleased. “Did you notice how antagonistic he was when we first met? But, when he left, he was a friend. It proves, I think, that the old saying is right: Money is the answer to everything.”

“Max, shouldn’t we go?” 99 said apprehensively. “If KAOS-”

“Later, 99. Right now, let’s get out of here. The local KAOS agents could be closing in on us right at this very moment.”

They hurried up the street. When they reached the sixth block, they slowed their pace, looking for the rent- a-camel agency.

“I don’t see it anywhere, Max,” 99 said.

“Do you suppose that undependable foreigner gave us a bum steer? I’d hate to lose my faith in the theory that money is the answer to-”

At that moment, a small, dumpy Arab stepped out of the doorway of what looked like an empty shop. “Linger a while,” he said to Max. “You walked too fast.” He then disappeared into the dimness of the vacant shop.

“What was that all about, Max?” 99 said, baffled.

Max shrugged. “I haven’t the vaguest. Let’s see what happens.”

A moment later, the small, dumpy Arab reappeared. He was toting a freshly-painted sign, which he mounted above the entrance to the shop. It said: Trustworthy Rent-A-Camel Agency.

“I think this is the place,” Max said to 99.

The Arab opened his arms to them. “Welcome, strangers,” he beamed. “I am your humble servant, Abdul Bim-Bam-Bom, local manager of the Trustworthy Rent-A-Camel Agency-Third Rate, But We Try Harder. What can I do for you?”

Max explained that they needed three camels to take them across the desert.

“Four camels,” Abdul corrected. “One camel for your trustworthy guide. You expect your guide to walk? The sun is terrible out in the desert. The sand is scorching. You want your trustworthy guide to burn his tootsies to a crisp?”

“All right,” Max agreed, “four camels. Now, where do we get a guide?”

“Don’t move,” Abdul replied. Once more, he disappeared into the vacant shop. A few minutes later he returned, carrying a second freshly-painted sign, which he hung over the first one. The new sign said: Trustworthy Rent-A-Guide Agency.

“Welcome strangers,” Abdul beamed. “What can I do for you?”

In short order, Max arranged for a guide, who turned out to be Abdul Bim-Bam-Bom.

“Now, just one more little thing, and we’re ready to leave,” Abdul said. “I’ll give you a boost, and you’ll climb up to the roof of the shop.”

“The roof?” Max asked.

“It’s the American way to board a rent-a-camel,” Abdul explained. “I saw it on a TV commercial. I’ll go get the camels and ride by, and you three jump on their humps.”

Max shrugged. “Well. . when in America. .”

Abdul strolled up the street, and Max, 99 and von BOOM climbed to the roof of the shop.

“Max, I wonder if we’ll ever see him again,” 99 said.

“I’m sure we will, 99. These people have a very highly developed sense of honor. And, besides, I haven’t paid him yet.”

“Oh. Well, in that-”

The shrill shriek of a police whistle suddenly pierced the quiet. An angry voice was heard shouting, “Stop! Thief!” A moment later there was the sound of camels’ hoofs. Four camels came racing into view, with Abdul Bim- Bam-Bom riding the leader.

“He certainly is hurrying,” Max said. “It’s a wonder he isn’t curious about all that commotion behind him. I suppose he just doesn’t want to get involved.”

“Jump!” Abdul cried, nearing the shop.