The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

controls.

Instantly, the helicopter swooped into a dive, and a moment later it caught up with von BOOM. As the Professor descended, the helicopter flew next to him, falling at exactly the same rate of speed.

“Get back in here!” the first man shouted crossly at von BOOM.

The Professor tried to step back into the helicopter, but he made no progress.

“I don’t think he’s really trying,” the first man grumbled. “I guess we’ll have to go out there and get him and drag him back.”

“Yes, you go right ahead,” Max said. “I’ll wait here.”

“When I said ‘we,’ I meant ‘you,’ ” the first man advised. “He’s your responsibility, isn’t he? So, you go get him.”

The KAOS agent at the controls spoke up. “If we send him out there, we’ll lose them both,” he said. “It wouldn’t look too good on our records.”

“Sidney,” the first man replied, “is that all you ever think about is your record? What do you want? You want me to go out there? You know I could get killed? Is it worth it, Sidney? A life-a human life-just so you can look good on the records? Sidney, we’ve been working together for almost ten years-a team-but sometimes I think I don’t know you at all. On the outside, you’re such a nice guy. You’re a family man. You got sufficient insurance to cover your wife’s and kids’ needs in case of an unforeseen and unfortunate accident. On top of that, you got a savings account, in which you save for a rainy day. You like animals. Many a tree you’ve climbed to rescue a pussy cat, Sidney. And who is kinder to his mother, Sidney, than you? But, inside. . I don’t know, Sidney. There are times, when I get a glimpse into your real heart of hearts, Sidney, and I wonder. What’s the answer? What are you? Who are you?”

“I’m Rodney,” the second man replied. “Sidney didn’t come with you this time. He’s on vacation.”

“That explains it,” the first man said. “Sidney would never-never in his life-ask me to step out that hatchway and risk my life.”

“I wouldn’t either,” the second man replied. “What I had in mind was for you to push that Control agent out the hatchway and hold onto him by the feet. He can grab hold of the other guy and pull him back in, and that way we won’t lose nobody. It’ll look better on the record.”

The first man beamed. “Glad to have you aboard,” he said to the second man. “That dumbhead Sidney would’ve never thought of that. He’d’ve sent me out the hatchway to my certain death.” He then turned to Max and gave him a shove.

Max tumbled backwards out the hatchway-then suddenly halted and dangled again, as the KAOS agent caught him by the ankles.

“Okay, now do like Rodney said,” the KAOS agent shouted to Max.

Max began swinging, back and forth, back and forth, gaining momentum. Finally, he was able to reach von BOOM. He got hold of him by the wrists and hung on.

“Pull us up-like Rodney said!” Max shouted.

The first man tugged. But Max and von BOOM together were too heavy for him.

“You and your big fat ideas,” the first man said disgustedly to the second man. “I can’t pull them up. And I can’t hold onto them much longer, either. Boy-if Sidney were only here!”

“Cool it, baby,” the second man replied. “I’ll fly back to the ship and land on the deck and then everybody but that Control agent can get back in and we’ll take off again.”

“Man, I’m glad I got you this time instead of Sidney,” the first man said. “You know what Sidney would have suggested?”

“What?”

“Nothing. He never had any ideas. I always had to do all the thinking for both of us. You know why Sidney has insurance and a savings account? Because I told him to. Sidney is so dumb, he couldn’t rescue a pussy cat out of a tree without directions. One thing I’ll admit, though-he’s good to his mother on his own. But what did it ever get him?”

“There’s the ship,” the second man said. “Can you hold them for another couple more minutes?”

“I can do anything,” the first man replied. “With you as my partner, I’m inspired, Rodney.”

The helicopter hovered a few feet above the deck. The first man released his hold on Max’s ankles, and Max and von BOOM dropped to the deck, then scrambled out of the way as the helicopter landed.

99 rushed up to Max and von BOOM. “You’re safe!” she cried happily.

“Not quite yet, 99,” Max said.

The KAOS agents were climbing down from the helicopter, guns in hand.

“Let’s get them, Max!” 99 said.

Max looked at her, hurt. “99, that’s my line. I say ‘Let’s get them,’ and you say, ‘With you, Max!’ Okay?”

“Sorry, Max.”

“Just don’t be a Sidney, 99.”

“A what, Max?”

“I’ll explain later. Right now-let’s get them, 99!”

Max dived at the first KAOS agent and tackled him below the knees. Surprised, the man threw up his arms to try to keep his balance, and his gun went flying. Meanwhile, the second KAOS agent had stopped to assist his comrade. His concern was an error. For, as he. started to drag Max away, 99 caught him from behind with a karate chop. Hitting the deck, the second man lost his gun, too.

Max jumped to his feet, pulled his gun, and held it on the two KAOS agents. “Well, it looks like the tables are turned,” he said crisply.

“To me, it’s no surprise,” the first man said. “I’ve never known a Rodney yet who wasn’t a jinx. Boy, you’re just lucky that Sidney isn’t here. Would he handle you two! Wow!”

“All right, on your feet!” Max said, brandishing the pistol. “We’ll just stash you in the brig until-”

“Max. .” 99 said, pulling at Max’s sleeve. “Professor von BOOM-he’s gone!”

Max clapped a hand to his brow. “I did it again. What did I say?”

99 thought back. “Let’s see. . I said, ‘Let’s get them, Max.’ Then you said, ‘99, that’s my line.’ Then I-”

“That’s it, 99! Line! He’s headed for the ship’s post office! After him!”

Max and 99 whipped around and dashed down the deck.

“Folks!” the first KAOS agent called after them.

Max and 99 halted. “Yes?” Max called back.

“Could we get in on this?” the first man asked. “After all, you know, your loss is our loss.”

“Just get a move on!” Max replied. “If we don’t catch him in time, he’s liable to mail himself back to the mainland.”

Max and 99, joined by the two KAOS agents, rushed from the deck and down a corridor to the ship’s post office. Professor von BOOM was nowhere in sight.

“Excuse me,” Max said to the clerk, a young man with oversized glasses. “Have you seen a dumpy little man who looks as if he needs a keeper?”

“Oh, lots,” the clerk replied. “In fact, you’re my two-hundred-and-twelfth.”

The first KAOS agent poked the second KAOS agent in the ribs with his elbow. “Reminds you a lot of Sidney, doesn’t he?” he said, indicating the clerk. “Always some dumb answer.”

“I’m talking about one dumpy little man in particular,” Max said to the clerk. “He was probably here just a few minutes ago.”

“I remember him,” the clerk nodded. “He was very upset about the long line at the stamp window. So, I said to him, ‘I’ll give you a tip, buddy. Come back in two minutes. The line always disappears after you’ve been gone for two minutes.’ Well, when I said I’d give him a tip, he started to leave. But then when I said ‘line,’ he came back. So, I said, ‘Don’t you like the tip, buddy?’ and he left again. I haven’t seen him since.”

Max nodded. “That makes sense. We’ll find him in the dining room.”

“Boy, that’s a Sidney if I ever heard one,” the first KAOS agent said to the second KAOS agent. “When a bunch of garbage makes sense, it’s a Sidney.”

Max and 99 dashed down the corridor toward the dining room. The two KAOS agents hurried after them. But, as before, when they reached the dining room, it was deserted.

“Gone!” Max groaned. “Not a soul around. Not man nor beast.”