The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

“-and is looking for the post office,” Willowby said. “He stopped here just a few minutes ago.”

“He was looking for the post office?” Max said, puzzled.

“You must have used a key word, Max,” 99 guessed. “I wonder what it was?”

“He probably wanted to mail a fan letter to Lucky Lindy,” Willowby said. “Ol’ Lindy is probably the toast of the town these days, eh?”

“There hasn’t been a lot of fuss made over it lately, Willowby,” Max said. “That happened over forty years ago.”

“Fame is fickle,” Willowby sighed sorrowfully. “They probably don’t remember Abe any more, either.”

“As a matter of fact, they do,” Max said. “Every year, almost the whole country celebrates his birthday. To a lot of people, he’s a great hero.”

Willowby looked surprised. “That’s more than I expected. All that for Abe Berkowitz?”

“Berkowitz?”

“He invented the buggywhip with the patented fox-skin grip.”

“I had another Abe in mind,” Max said. “This one-”

“Max,” 99 broke in. “What about Professor von BOOM?”

“99, his name isn’t Abe. It’s Wormser.”

“Max, what I mean is, shouldn’t we be looking for him?”

“Oh. . yes.” He addressed Willowby again. “Which way did he go?”

“If you’re asking about that other dumpy little man who looked like he needed a keeper. .” Willowby pointed straight up. “He went thataway.”

Max peered up at the ceiling of the tunnel. “I find that a little hard to believe,” he said.

“Would you believe that I directed him back to the elevator?” Willowby asked.

“That makes a little more sense,” Max replied. He signalled to 99, then headed back through the tunnel.

“If you see Lucky Lindy-” Willowby called after them “-tell him some of us still remember!”

Max and 99 hurried back through the passageway to the elevator. When they reached it, Max punched the UP button, then they waited for the car to descend to their level.

“I wonder if it was ‘hand?’ ” Max said, as they stood near the elevator doors.

“If what was, Max?”

“The key word.”

“I don’t understand. What’s the connection between hand and post office?”

“If you request it, 99, you can have your letters hand-stamped. That’s because sometimes when they’re machine-stamped the impression penetrates the envelope.”

“Oh, I see-and the impression is stamped on whatever’s inside the envelope.”

“Correct. For instance, if you were mailing a butterfly to someone and the envelope was machine-stamped, the butterfly might arrive with ‘Buy U.S. Savings Bonds’ stamped on its wing. That can make a butterfly look like a professional flag-waver.”

The car arrived and they got aboard and Max punched the DOWN button and the car began rising.

“Or, maybe it was ‘finger,’ ” Max mused.

“You’re missing me again, Max,” 99 said.

“After I lick a stamp, it always sticks to my finger,” he explained.

The elevator reached the main floor, and Max and 99 got out and hustled along the corridor toward the front door.

“I just hope we’re in time,” 99 fretted. “The post office is only across the street. By now, he could have mailed his letter, or whatever he had in mind, and wandered off to somewhere else.”

“Did I by any chance mention the phrase ‘Through wind and rain and dark of night?’ ” Max said, preoccupied. “As I recall, that has something to do with the post office. I think it’s the excuse they use when they don’t get the mail delivered on time.”

“Max! Look!”

They had reached the front door and 99 was pointing toward the post office across the street. Professor von BOOM had just emerged and was descending the steps.

“Just in the nick of time,” 99 said, greatly relieved. “If we’d been a minute later, Max, we might have missed him.” She started out the door.

“Hold it!” Max said, putting a hand on 99’s arm, stopping her. “See those two men a few steps behind the Professor? I think they’re tailing him.”

“But, Max, look at their uniforms-they’re letter carriers.”

“Exactly what they want us to think, 99. But notice how lively they’re stepping. Doesn’t that strike you as somewhat suspicious?”

“You’re right, Max. A real letter carrier plods, doesn’t he?”

“And for good reason,” Max agreed.

“Yes-all that walking he does, day in and day out.”

“That’s not the reason, 99. The reason is that he wants to delay all the important letters as long as he can. Haven’t you ever heard the post office slogan-The mail must go through?”

“But, Max-”

“The complete slogan is: The mail must go through a long series of intentional delays in order to make sure that important letters do not get delivered until days after they’re expected, thus driving the intended recipient out of his ever lovin’ mind and making him more appreciative of his fine postal service when the letter finally is delivered.”

“I can understand why they shortened it,” 99 said. “But, Max, if those men in uniform aren’t letter carriers, what are they? Do you think-”

“KAOS agents, 99. No doubt about it. As you can see, they’re rapidly closing in on Professor von BOOM. Within seconds, they will probably grab him from behind, drag him into a waiting limousine (black), and speed away with him to their hideout.”

“Max! We have to do something!”

“Do we really, 99? Frankly, that sounds pretty exciting. I’d like to see it.”

“Max, remember. . duty!”

“Oh, yes. . that. Duty can certainly spoil some fun times, can’t it, 99.” He gestured resignedly. “Oh, well. . Let’s go, 99. You take the KAOS agent on the left, and I’ll take the KAOS agent on the right. Unless, of course, you have a preference. If you’d rather have the KAOS agent on the right, I wouldn’t mind at all taking the KAOS agent on the left.”

“I’m not particular, Max. But shouldn’t we hurry?”

“Haste makes waste, 99. First, let’s get a decision on which KAOS agent belongs to who. We’d feel pretty silly if we rushed over there and both grabbed the KAOS agent on the left, and the KAOS agent on the right, in the ensuing melee, got away. Or, vice-versa, if we rushed over there and both grabbed the KAOS agent on the right, and-”

“I’ll take the one on the left, Max,” 99 said wearily.

“I just hope, 99, that, on the way, you won’t take advantage of the woman’s prerogative to change her mind. If you did, and decided to switch to the KAOS agent on the-”

“Max! They’ve grabbed Professor von BOOM!”

“There are a lot of people who haven’t heard the old saying, ‘Haste makes waste,’ ” Max said. “Those KAOS agents, for example, probably haven’t the slightest notion that they’re bungling this.”

99 rushed through the doorway. “Max, hurry!”

“Coming, 99!”

Max and 99 dashed from headquarters, worked their way through the passers-by, and darted out into the street. At that same moment, they heard the ear-splitting roar of an engine. Max halted, stopping 99, too.

“Max! What is it?”

“Did you hear that? It must be some kind of a warning.”

“Warning? Warning?” 99 said frantically. “What kind of a warning?”

“You’ll notice, 99, that we’re crossing in the middle of the block. We should have gone to the corner.”