The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

“Now,” Max said, halting outside the Chief’s office, “which way to the pier?”

“If I ever knew, I forgot,” von BOOM replied.

“Max, shouldn’t we pack a bag?” 99 said. “If we’re going to the North Pole by way of Africa and Russia and Alaska, we’ll be gone for a few days, at the very least.”

“You’re right, 99. We’ll all go home and pack a bag, then we’ll meet back here in, say, one hour. Okay?”

“Max, should we let Professor von BOOM out of our sight?”

Max looked at her hostilely. “99, before we make another move, I think we better get one thing straight. Who is in charge of this mission-you or me? Who is making the decisions?”

99 lowered her eyes sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Max-you are.”

“I’m sorry, too,” von BOOM said. “To me, she sounds like the one with the brains.”

Max ignored the comment. “Then, as I see it,” he said, “our best chance for making this mission a success is to keep Professor von BOOM in sight at all times. First, we’ll all go to my apartment and pack a bag. Then, 99, we’ll go to your apartment and pack a bag. And, after that, we’ll go to Professor von BOOM’s apartment and pack a bag. Any objections?”

Professor von BOOM started down the corridor toward the exit.

Max and 99 caught up with him and halted him. “What did I say wrong?” Max asked.

“Did I hear ‘objections?’ When I hear that, I’m due in court.”

“Consider the objections overruled,” Max said. “Now, can we leave? At the rate we’re progressing, the North Pole will be melted before we get there.” He looked thoughtful for a second. “I imagine headquarters is surrounded by KAOS agents, just waiting for us to step out, so they can attempt to kidnap the Professor,” he said. “We better leave by the secret exit.”

“Max. .” 99 said worriedly.

“I know what you’re thinking, 99,” Max said. “You think I’ll get lost again in all those secret passageways. But you’re worrying for nothing. Since the last time, I’ve been studying a map of the secret exit. And now I know it like the palm of my hand.” He led the way down the corridor. “Just trust me,” he said.

Von BOOM whispered to 99. “Can we trust him?”

“Of course,” she replied. “Max knows exactly what he’s doing.”

The Professor nodded gloomily. “So did General Custer when he set out to beat up on that handful of Indians,” he said.

They reached an elevator and got aboard. Max punched the UP button and the car descended. After a minute or so, it stopped, the door slid open, and they got out. They were in a dark anteroom that had been hollowed out of rock. The room was lighted by brightly burning torches. A number of openings led from the room into passageways.

“Let’s see. .” Max said, looking around. He pointed. “I think we take that tunnel over there. No. . just a second.” He looked at the palm of his hand. “I was wrong,” he decided. He pointed again, in the opposite direction. “We take that tunnel over there.”

“Are you sure, Max?” 99 said.

Max held out the palm of his hand. “Look for yourself.”

“I have a question,” von BOOM said. “Did you have any Custers in your family?”

“Let’s make up our minds,” Max said irritably. “Are we going to play Twenty Questions or are we going to go out there and beat up on that handful of Indians? Uh. . scratch that. I don’t know what made me think of it. It’s something a great, great uncle of mine said a long, long time ago.” He led the way toward an opening to a tunnel. “Last one in is a KAOS agent,” he called back.

99 and von BOOM hurried after him. The passageway, too, was lighted by torches. After a few moments, they reached a fork.

“This looks familiar,” Max said. “That way is the thumb, I think, and that other way is the index finger. Or is it the other way around?” He consulted the palm of his hand again. “No, I was right the first time. Or. . wait a second-is that the same palm? Do you remember, 99? Before, was I using the palm of my right hand or my left hand?”

“Your right hand, I believe, Max.”

“Good. We’re on the right track.” He traced a path on the palm of his right hand. “We follow this line right here,” he said. “It takes us into the thumb, and then, right here at the fingernail, we reach the exit. Let’s go.”

As they continued through the passageway, Max addressed the Professor. “Just to make sure that none of our own agents get lost in here, we have guides posted along the way,” he said. “We should be reaching the first one soon. It’s Willowby, isn’t it, 99?”

“Yes, Max.”

“His appearance may startle you a bit,” Max said, speaking to von BOOM again. “He’s been down here for as long as anyone can recall, and naturally, in this dim light, he’s become a bit bleary-eyed. Also, his beard is a little longer than the beards you usually see. For him, though, it’s an advantage. At night, he uses it as a blanket. And at meals it comes in very handy as a bib. Although, the fact that it’s white is a minor drawback. It shows the gravy stains.”

There was no response from von BOOM.

“Max!” 99 cried. “He’s gone!”

Max halted and looked back. Von BOOM was nowhere in sight. “Don’t worry, 99,” he said. “He isn’t gone, he’s only lost. He must have taken a wrong turn back at that fork. We’ll just retrace our steps, then follow the index finger, and we’re bound to find him.”

“I hope so, Max,” 99 said, uncertainty in her tone, as they made their way back through the tunnel. “But suppose you used one of the key words, and he went off somewhere else? How would we know where to look?”

“He couldn’t possibly get out of here, 99. Unless you happen to know these passageways like the palm of your hand, there’s no escape.”

They reached the fork and this time took the lefthand tunnel. A minute or so later they came upon a tall, bleary-eyed man with a long white beard. Spotting Max and 99, the man immediately snatched up the end of the beard and placed it on top of his head.

“Willowby, you know, you’re not fooling anybody,” Max said. “And, besides, it’s no disgrace at your age to be getting bald.”

“I won’t have to do this much longer,” Willowby replied. “I put in a request for a hairpiece.”

“When was that?” Max asked.

“I can’t remember the exact date. But it was around the time when Lucky Lindy was taking off for Paris. How did he make out, anyway?”

“He made it,” Max replied.

Willowby tossed his beard into the air. “Hurrah for Lucky Lindy!” he shouted exultantly.

“Willowby, I’ll tell you something about requests,” Max said. “By the time you get that hairpiece, you won’t need it. You’ll be in your second childhood, and you’ll be starting a new full head of hair of your own. But, listen, what are you doing over here in this passageway? You’re supposed to be in the tunnel that leads to the exit.”

Willowby looked at him sadly. “You’re lost again, Max.”

“I’m lost!” Max said indignantly. “You’re lost.”

“I’ve been in this same spot for over one-hundred-and-fifty years. The only way I could get lost would be if the tunnels moved.”

“Oh.”

“You took the thumb again,” Willowby guessed.

“All right, nevermind that,” Max said. “I have a more important problem right now. Have you seen anybody wandering around in here who looked like he needed a keeper?”

“Besides you, you mean?”

“I’m not going to dignify that question with an answer, Willowby,” Max replied. “This fellow I’m talking about is short and dumpy and-”