second! I think I’ve got it. Suppose we seal the Professor in a good strong box and mail him to the North Pole?”
The Chief shook his head. “Too much risk.”
Professor von BOOM got to his feet and headed for the door.
Max caught him, turned him, and guided him back to the chair. “You don’t need any more life insurance, Professor,” he assured him. “With Max Smart to look after you, you’re as safe as a one-legged pigeon on a slanted roof.”
“Max. . that isn’t very safe,” the Chief pointed out.
“Chief, these are dangerous times. You have to take your chances. Just breathing is a risk.”
The Professor rose and strolled toward the exit.
Again, Max headed him off and steered him back to the chair.
“Max, if you don’t have a plan-” the Chief began.
“I’ve got it, Chief,” Max broke in. “How about the old wild-goose-disguised-as-a-crow trick?”
The Chief frowned. “I don’t think I know that one, Max.”
“Sorry, Chief-I meant the crow-disguised-as-a-wild-goose trick.”
“Oh. . that.” The Chief nodded. “That might work.”
“I don’t think I’m familiar with it, Max,” 99 said.
“Well, you’ve heard the old saying, ‘as straight as the crow flies.’ And, if you’ve heard that one, you certainly recognize the term, ‘wild goose chase.’ The crow-disguised-as-a-wild-goose trick is a combination of the two. You make your pursuer think you’re going on a wild goose chase, but, actually, you’re zeroing-in on a predetermined destination, more or less as straight as the crow flies.”
“Of course,” 99 brightened. “I know that as the old flimflam trick.”
Max shook his head. “No, 99, they’re not at all alike. The old flimflam trick is nothing but a variation on the old button-button-who’s-got-the-button trick. The difference, you see-”
“Max, nevermind,” the Chief interrupted. “Just tell us what you have in mind.”
Max moved toward one of several maps that were on a wall. “As I see it,” he said, “we have two things going for us. One, we know where we’re going, but, unless KAOS has intercepted one of our communications, the KAOS agents don’t. That gives us the opportunity to lead our pursuers on a wild goose chase-and, by clever dodging, to lose them. Number two, we have the whole world to use as a playing field for our little game of hide-and-seek. Plus-let me add-the fact that our leader is an experienced world traveler who knows this planet like the palm of his hand.”
“You, Max?”
“Exactly, 99. Now, let me show you on this map precisely how we’ll proceed.” He touched a finger to a point on the map. “From here, we will travel by ocean liner to Africa.” He moved the finger to another point “That’s here. Then, by camel-”
“Max-” the Chief said.
“Just a second, Chief. I want to finish this while it’s clear in my mind. By camel,” he continued, moving his finger again, “we will cross the Sahara desert to. . yes, to here, the Nile river.”
“Max-”
“99, will you let me finish? Where was I? Oh, yes, barging up the Nile in a houseboat. Now that, in due time, will get us to Alexandria-which is, yes, right here. From there,” he continued, moving the finger once more, “we will fly to Russia. By plane, of course.”
“Max, could I-”
“Chief, don’t leave me stranded in Russia. I don’t know the language.” Again, he moved his finger on the map. “By Trans Siberian Railway to the Pacific coast of Russia,” he said. “Then by submarine to Alaska, and, from Alaska, on to the North Pole-which is-” He tapped the finger on a point at the top of the map. “-right here. How does that sound, Chief?”
“Well done, Max. Except for one minor thing.”
“Yes?” Max frowned.
“As an experienced world traveler, who knows the planet like the palm of his hand, I would think you’d realize that that map you’re using is a map of downtown Washington, D.C.” the Chief replied.
Max peered at the map. “Mmmmm. . I wondered why it didn’t look anything like the palm of my hand. Well. . no matter. That’s our itinerary, Chief, and if those KAOS agents don’t get dizzy following us and drop by the wayside in short order, then my number isn’t 86.”
“It’s a good plan,” the Chief agreed. “I just hope it isn’t so confusing that it confuses you, too, Max. But, I suppose we’ll have to risk it.”
Professor von BOOM started to rise, and Max put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into the chair. “No problem Chief,” he said. “The whole plan is etched clearly in my mind. From here, we’ll go directly to the pier and get aboard a camel, then. . No, let’s see-we get aboard a ship, don’t we?”
“If you have any trouble, just ask me,” Professor von BOOM said. “I made a mental note of everything you said, and I’ve got a memory like a. . a. . uh. .”
“Yes, like what?” Max prodded.
“It slipped my mind.”
“Well, Max,” the Chief said, rising, “this is going to be a tough one. But, give it all you’ve got. The space program is depending on you. Keep in touch. And, anything I can do to assist you, just let me know.”
“It might not be a bad idea to spot some of our agents around the globe, Chief,” Max said. He faced the map again. “I could use one in, say, Africa, and Russia, and Alaska, and-”
“Max, I can’t do that.”
“Chief, you said ‘anything.’ ”
“I know, Max, but I also explained that all of our people are on vacation. If I started pulling them in and sending them all over the world, we’d have a morale problem.”
“I suppose you’re right, Chief,” Max conceded. “Incidentally, where are they?”
“Well, they did something a little different this year,” the Chief replied. “Each one is visiting a different country. They’re scattered all over the world.”
“Boy, would they be sore if they got called in and sent out on assignments all over the world,” Max said. “And who’d blame them?”
Professor von BOOM got up and headed toward the door.
Max caught him and directed him back to the chair. “What was the key word that time?” he asked.
“What key word?” the Professor inquired. “I thought we were ready to go.”
“We are,” Max said. “Don’t just sit there.”
Professor von BOOM got up again, and he and Max and 99 started toward the exit. At that moment, the Chief’s phone rang.
“Max-just a second; this might be something,” the Chief called.
The three halted.
The Chief picked up the phone, identified himself, then became involved in a conversation. “No, no, he’s completely sane. I can vouch for him,” he said. He covered the mouthpiece of the phone and whispered across the room to Max. “It’s about you,” he said. “It’s the beach authorities. They’re checking on you. They say you were out there in bathing tranks and wearing one brown-and-white oxford.” He spoke into the phone again. “I assure you, he’s perfectly harmless,” he said.
Max whispered back across the room to the Chief. “How did they know it was me? I’m a secret agent.”
The Chief covered the mouthpiece again. “Somebody recognized you and passed the word,” he replied to Max. With one hand, he shooed them out. “Go on-I can handle this.”
Max, 99 and Professor von BOOM departed.
“Would you believe that the brown-and-white oxford is actually a telephone?” the Chief said into the phone.
2
