back together again. I’m fairly well convinced that it was at least partly her fault. The way she nagged and prodded! Sure, I wanted to be a success as a painter, but, you know something? I think she wanted it even more! I’m certain that she’d have driven me into an insane asylum if I’d only have permitted her to do it. So long as it would have made her the wife of a prominent painter.
“The first time I ever saw her, at that first showing, she came on like a house afire. I’d never really had a girl come at me quite as strong as she did. She just broadsided me. Even if I’d wanted to get away from her, I doubt if I could have made it. Yeah, we wound up in bed together that night and did she ever lead me through the paces! All the girls I’d ever known, they were sort of shy and backward, especially when we got around to sex, and they’d act as though they weren’t quite sure whether they really wanted to go ahead with it or not.
“That wasn’t Ellen’s way at all! She virtually invited herself back to my studio after the show and, once we were inside, she just let down all the barriers. I’d barely even gotten the door closed and she was up against me, rubbing her knockers into my chest and feeling of my fly, trying to get her hand inside and on my cock. Naturally I didn’t resist very much and, almost before I knew what was happening, she had my cock out and was going down on me like I was the last man in the world! “That just about blew my mind, her eating me that way! I’d always been really wild about the idea of blow jobs, ever since I’d first heard about them, but I’d never before had a girl eat my dick. I’d stayed away from the gay side of things. I knew, of course, that there were guys around who’d go down on you but, at that time, I was all hung up on the idea of making it with girls. I just didn’t realize how good it can be, how natural and free it can be, with guys, you see. A lot of the time, when I was jerking off, I used to imagine that some really solid chick was kneeling there in front of me, just holding her mouth open and waiting while I jerked off and shot a big load of come into her mouth.
“I’ll have to give her credit. Ellen really knew how to eat dick! I haven’t seen many guys on the gay side who were any better at sticking a cock than that babe. But, I doubt if she did it because she liked it. I think she’d already figured out that there were some guys who could be handled if you sucked them off good, and she was always ready to do whatever had to be done to get her way. Of all the people I’ve ever known, I’d say that she was the most shameless about it. I used to argue with her about the cold, ruthless way she used people, but, after a while, I gave it up. I just couldn’t make her see that it was wrong. She really believed you know that everybody else was just there for her convenience.
‘Well, anyway, she sucked me off and did a damned good job of it that first time. After I’d popped my nuts and filled her mouth full of come, she was just getting warmed up. She swallowed it all, every drop of it, but she was just beginning. After she’d sucked me off that first time she got up and started undressing, slow and sexy, giving me this big buildup about how she’d wanted me for so long.
‘‘Yes, we’ll get undressed and then I’ll finally get my fill of cock,” she said. “I’ve never had my fill, not all I wanted, and I never saw a man with a prick like yours, Freddie. I’ve got a strong suspicion that you’re the man who’ll be able to fuck me until I can’t take it any more!”
“I couldn’t say a word. I just pulled my clothes off and leaped onto her right there on the floor of the studio, I’d never had a girl say things like, that to me before, and hearing them from her was like a breath of fresh air. I just crawled on and we really went to town.
“So hard, so big and strong,” she purred as she aimed my dick into the mouth of her cunt. “Just the sort of thing I’ve been looking for! Oh, Freddie, darling, you’re tearing my cunt apart!”
“After a minute it sort of bothered me, the way she kept saying the most outlandish things. I don’t have anything against profanity, of course, but it bothered me, even then, hearing her say things like that. She had a vocabulary like a truck driver when she wanted to use it, and she had this idea that a lot of vulgar language made sex a lot better. I’m not built that way. For some curious reason, I don’t mind talk like that at all when I’m with guys, but from girls? It doesn’t quite seem to fit.
“But I didn’t have time to think about that, not then. As soon as she got my prick inside her, she started screaming and heaving about. I wasn’t sure but what I was hurting her or something. It wasn’t anything like that. It was just her way of trying to convince me that I was really a masterful, overpoweringly successful lover. Ellen could certainly give a convincing demonstration of a passionate woman working her way to an orgasm, though I didn’t really realize that she was faking until almost a year after we were married. That first time, she really went out of her way and put on an outstanding performance. By the time I got off her I was convinced that I was the greatest lover in the world, even though I hadn’t had all that much experience at it.
“Given the intensity of her attack, you might not be surprised to learn that it succeeded. It’s laughable, now that I can look back on it, to consider how mismatched we were. I had virtually no experience ‘with women and didn’t know the first thing about how devious and selfish they can be. I was twenty-one, the same age as Ellen, but she was about four hundred years ahead of me when it came to experience and knowledge of the world. I never did find out how many men she’d had before me. Once she said it was twenty-nine and other time she said it was thirty-four. But, by that time, I knew enough about her that I didn’t put any stock in anything she said.
“She got herself a painter for a husband, all right. Her old man was giving her plenty- probably so she’d stay away from him, if I know the old boy very well.
Also, she had a trust fund of her own besides that we had a great time of it on the honeymoon, Acapulco, Puerto Vallarta-all the places up and down Mexico’s Pacific coast. We spent a lot of time in bed, naturally, and it was then ‘that I began to get an inkling of what kind of evil was inside her.
“There were times, you see, when Ellen would really let go inside and she’d come on as something that was pretty close to her ‘natural self.’ I say “pretty close’ to it because I think she’d been deceiving herself and everybody else for so long that she’d forgotten what she really was, deep down inside. “But these times, when she forgot about keeping up her front, she could be just frightening in her intense concern for herself. That self seemed to come out most clearly in her sex life, which is perhaps one reason she didn’t really like sex. It threatened to get the best of her and it was something she wasn’t always able to ‘control to her own satisfaction. I don’t mean to say that there were ever times when Ellen was bursting with compassion for other people. There was never any danger of that. She was concerned only for herself. But at times the depth of that concern was simply frightening. Let me give you an example.
“When she came closest to losing control, she could be overwhelmingly domineering. You might recall that D. H. Lawrence has one of his characters speak of a certain type of woman, the type who ‘claws’ or ‘digs’ at a man, like an eagle tearing flesh out of an animal he’s just killed? I never understood the meaning of that phrase until one afternoon in Acapulco. It was about a week after the wedding, I suppose, and I’d dropped off to sleep after lunch. I woke up to find Ellen kneeling over me. She had my cock in her mouth and she was trying to suck me up to an erection. She succeeded in that, naturally, and as soon as I was hard enough for her purposes she rolled over onto her back and told me to get on her.
“Come on, hurry up and get that cock into me!” she snapped, just as if she were talking to one of the hotel’s servants. “I saw you lying there asleep and I decided that I had to have it again!”
“I couldn’t say anything I was so overpowered by her lust. She was like a wild animal, panting and staring until I began to wonder if perhaps she might be ill. She wouldn’t have anything but my prick, however, and I couldn’t do anything but give it to her. She’d already gotten me pretty well in the mood for another round. But when I got on her and had my prick in place, it was a lot different from what it had ever been before.
“Ellen had this peculiar habit when she was fucking. She didn’t like to hold a fellow with her feet. You know how most girls will hook their heels into your legs or lock them together around your back? She would never do that. She just hel4 me with her knees. She had a tremendous amount of power in her thighs, especially when you consider that she never did anything in the way of exercise, and she could clamp a grip on you that just about paralyzed you.
“This time she clamped her knees together and started working her hips up and down. Somehow she’d gotten hold of me different and her pubic hair was rubbing into the base of my belly. Between that hair and her pubic bones she was really digging into me, up and’ down in a steady beat. After a little while it got to be painful, she was rubbing so hard, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it-I was pinned there between her knees and just locked into place.
“You might think it absurd that a grown man like myself-and I’m not exactly a weakling either! — couldn’t begin to move out of her grasp but it’s a fact. At first I didn’t want to move but later, when it got tube so tiresome and painful, I couldn’t get away from her for anything! And’ she kept rubbing, scratching, digging at me with that voracious cunt of hers! That’s when I understood what Lawrence meant. It flashed into my mind that she was devouring my prick with that cunt of hers and just almost eating my flesh. More and more, that image came to be in
