Never Knowing

wanted him to ride with them, but I told them I wouldn’t do it if they didn’t allow it. Sandy said as long as Evan understood he wasn’t to interfere, he could sit in the command vehicle.

John called the next morning, Saturday. He was in high spirits, saying how much he was looking forward to meeting me, then asked what I was doing that day. I said I was taking Ally for a walk later.

He said, “It’s nice you spend so much time with her.”

“Life gets in the way sometimes, but I try.”

He was quiet for a moment, so I took advantage of his good mood.

“Did your parents spend time with you?”

“My father worked a lot, but my mom did, until she left.”

“Where’d she go?”

“Don’t know. She left when I was nine. She missed her people, so I think she went back to the reserve.” That was interesting. I wondered if his mother leaving was what started everything.

“That had to be really hard — you must have missed her a lot. Did you ever try to find her?”

“A few times, but no luck.”

“That’s so sad, John.”

“It was tough. But she waited until she knew I was old enough to take care of myself, then one night she was gone.”

“Why didn’t she take you with her?”

“I think she knew if she did, he’d hunt her down.”

“God, I can’t imagine leaving Ally.”

“My dad was a hard man.”

“Did she leave you a note or anything?”

“She left a spirit doll to protect me.” The dolls!

“Like the dolls you gave me?”

“Similar. They’re for protection.” He made dolls from women he killed so he’d have protection? Too bad the women didn’t have protection against him.

“What are they protecting you from?”

“The demons.”

Was he into witchcraft? Was that what this was all about?

“Are these First Nations demons?”

His voice wasn’t angry, more bored, when he said, “I’ll tell you another day.”

“Can I ask about your dad? You mentioned before that he was strict.”

“He was a violent drunk. He knocked out my front teeth for telling a joke.”

“No sense of humor, huh?”

John laughed. “You could say that. But he taught me everything I know about guns. When you’re in the woods, though, you can’t just rely on firepower — that’s one thing he never understood. But my mother did. If it wasn’t for her teachings he’d have killed me the first summer.” “What do you mean?”

“When I turned nine he started taking me up into the woods and leaving me there.”

“Like for an afternoon?”

“Until I found my way home.” He laughed again.

“That’s horrible.” My shock was genuine. “You must have been terrified.”

“Being out there was better than being at home with him.” He laughed for the third time and I knew he must be uncomfortable. “I used to stay out for weeks on end. He’d beat me because it took me so long to find my way back, but I could’ve come home sooner. Sometimes I’d be living right on the outskirts of the ranch and he didn’t know. I’d line up his head in my gun’s sights, and pow.” “What stopped you?”

“How’s Ally today?”

Not surprised by the abrupt subject change, I said, “She’s great.”

“Little girls all seem to like Barbie dolls, so I was going to—”

“Ally doesn’t like Barbies.” Last thing I wanted was for him to send another doll. “She’s more into bugs and science stuff.” Ally would own every Barbie in the world if she could, and if I ever gave her a science kit she’d probably burn down the house.

He said, “Better get going. I have some packing to do.” He paused, then said, “I’m really looking forward to this.”

“It’s going to be awesome.”

“I’ll call you soon.” I was about to hang up when he said, “Wait, I got a joke for you. You’ll like this one.”

“Sure.”

“One man says to another man, ‘Did you ever hunt bear?’ and the other man says, ‘No, but I went fishing in my shorts.’” He laughed loudly.

I said, “That’s a good one,” and forced a laugh.

“Tell Ally.” His voice was excited. “She’ll love it.”

You have no idea what my daughter would love.

“Sure, she’ll crack up.”

Sandy called as soon as I hung up and her excitement radiated through the phone so strongly I wanted to hold the receiver away from my ear. They thought he was traveling west along the border — toward Vancouver. Even though he’d talked longer, the signal connected with a tower in Washington State and threw them off his trail. They wanted to meet me at Pipers Lagoon so we could walk the area and make sure we were all on the same page. I dropped Ally off at a friend’s and headed over to the park.

Dressed in blue jeans and with her perpetual windblown appearance, Sandy looked like she was in her element. Billy was wearing a baseball cap pulled low, a windbreaker, and dark denim jeans with hiking boots, which gave him a rugged look that wasn’t wasted on a couple of women who checked him out as they walked by. He and Sandy scoured the area for the best vantage points. We decided which bench I should sit at and they pointed out a few locations where they’d have undercover officers.

Sandy wanted Billy stationed in the parking lot, but he said, “I worked out a plan last night. I think we need to take him down before he gets to the parking lot. ‘On enclosed terrain, if we occupy it first, we must block it, and wait for the enemy.’ We can put a car at the base of the hill and one at the top where—” “I don’t have time for one of your quotes,” Sandy said. “I want him in the parking lot when we arrest him. I’m not losing him into one of the driveways bordering the road.”

“Understood, but I just think—”

“I don’t like it.” She walked away with her cell to her ear.

I’d have told her off, but Billy just stared after her for a moment. If it wasn’t for the red wave crawling up his neck, I wouldn’t have known he was even pissed.

I said, “See, her attitude sucks.”

He smiled. “Come on. Let’s walk the route again.”

The rest of the weekend I never heard from John once, which was terrifying because I had no idea how close he was. If he kept driving after his last call he could already be on the island. And if that wasn’t stressful enough, we don’t know how he might come over — there are two ferry terminals in Vancouver, but he could also take the ferry from Washington to Victoria, then drive up the island to Nanaimo. I was driving myself crazy imagining every possible scenario, wondering where he was every minute. Thank God Evan came home on Sunday. I’d cleaned the house from top to bottom that morning, then made him chicken cordon bleu in an effort to keep myself sane, or at least busy. But neither of us could eat much. After dinner Evan called Billy and asked how the meeting was going to go down. His tone was polite as they talked, but his expression told me he wasn’t happy about the conversation.

Later we snuggled on the couch. Evan was quiet while I babbled about Moose’s new organic food, my suspicion that one of our neighbors is growing pot, what to do with Ally this summer — everything and anything to