Still Missing

'Sometimes a shock can cause memories to resurface. Just go through the cabin in your mind.'

'There's nothing.'

'Something in the shed maybe or the cellar...?'

'How many times do we have to go over this? He had boxes, he had guns, he had my clothes, he had a wad of money with a--'

Pink, it was pink. I sucked in a lungful of air.

'Oh, shit.' And then we were both quiet.

'You remembered something?' Gary said finally.

'The Freak had this wad of money. And it had a pink band around it, then when I was at my mom's the other day, she had the same kind of hair bands in her drawer, the same color, pink, in the bathroom, I used one in my hair. But my aunt--'

'Did you keep it?'

'Yes, but I told you--'

'We're going to need it for comparison.'

I had to tell him about the stupid pink band. I wanted to be sick.

From a long way off I heard Gary say, 'Is there anything else you can think of?'

'My mom's stepbrother, maybe he's involved somehow. I could try to talk to Wayne, find out if he knows anything. Mom might have told him why she hates--'

'That's the last thing I want you to do. Remember, we're not yet positive your mother's involved, and I hope for your sake she's not, but if she is, you could really damage the investigation. In fact, don't say anything to anybody, okay?' When I didn't answer right away, he said in his cop voice, 'I'm serious.'

'What are you going to do now?'

'We should have the warrant by the morning, but it will take a few days for the bank to actually get the records to us. Meanwhile, we gather as much evidence as we can. If we bring your mother in for questioning too soon there's always a chance she could destroy evidence or run.'

'There's nothing to question her about--she didn't do anything.'

He softened his voice and said, 'Look, I know how confusing this must be, but I promise I'll call when we have anything more conclusive. Until then try to stay away from everybody. And I'm really sorry, Annie.'

I put the phone back in the cradle, but it rang as I walked away. Thinking it was Gary again, I picked it up without looking at the call display.

'Thank God, I was so worried about you, Annie Bear. I left you a message hours ago and after what just happened recently--' Mom paused for breath and I tried to say something but my throat clamped shut.

'Are you there? Annie?'

'Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner.'

I wanted to warn her that Gary was coming for her, but what could I say? Gary thinks you're involved in my abduction but I think it was your sister? No, Gary was probably wrong about the whole damn thing and it would fuck Mom right up. I had to keep my mouth shut. I clenched the phone till it hurt and, with my back against the wall, slid to the floor. Emma came out of hiding and pushed her face into my chest.

'So do the police have any more information on that terrible man?' Mom said.

Oh, yeah, they have a lot more information. More than I ever wanted to know.

'No new leads--the investigation seems to have dried up. You know what the cops around here are like, they couldn't find their own assholes if their life depended on it.' I slumped to my side on the floor. My breath blew dog hair into tumble-weeds.

'It's probably for the best. You need to just concentrate on getting better. Maybe you should take a little holiday.'

I squeezed my eyelids tight against the hot tears building there and bit my tongue, hard.

'That's a great idea. You know, I think I might take off and go camping with Emma for a few days.'

'See, your mother knows what's best, but don't forget to check in and let us know you're okay. We worry about you, Annie Bear.'

After I hung up the phone I looked around my house, and all I could see was dirt. I rearranged my books alphabetically and washed my walls with bleach and water. The rest of the night I scrubbed the floors on my hands and knees. Not one inch of my house was spared. While my body worked on cleaning, my mind worked to explain it all away.

Just because someone hired The Freak in the past didn't mean my situation wasn't random--maybe it was just a friend of his that stopped by the motel. Being in prison at the same time as my uncle didn't necessarily mean anything. A lot of prisoners were in there and they might never have even met. And if they did, that's probably how The Freak got this weird obsession about me--he saw all the pictures of my family. Aunt Val might not have mentioned Tamara's suspension because she was waiting for the council's final decision, then I disappeared and that overshadowed everything. Good thing they were looking into Mom's records, because when they didn't find anything they could concentrate on finding The Freak's real partner--if he even had one. It was going to be okay.

It wasn't until seven the next morning, when I finally stopped, that I realized I'd scrubbed my knuckles raw and hadn't eaten in more than a day. I managed to get down some tea and dry toast.

When Gary called later that afternoon to tell me he was coming by to pick up the elastic hair band and the photo I took from the cabin, I filled him in on my conversation with Mom, including my so-called camping trip. I explained I'd have to call her at least once or she might start wondering, and he said it was okay but to keep the calls brief.

He also suggested I tell Christina and Luke the same story so no one inadvertently screwed things up, and he wanted me to go stay in a motel, but I refused--this shit was bad enough without having to actually leave my home. We agreed I'd hide my car in the backyard and keep a low profile. Luke and Christina had been phoning every day since the second abduction attempt, and Christina offered in an I'm-trying-so-hard-not-to-be-pushy way for me to crash at her place for a while and accepted my 'No, thanks' with a big pause, a deep breath, then an 'Okay, whatever works for you.' But I knew it was killing her and they'd worry if I just didn't answer, so I e-mailed them both that I needed to get out of town for a couple of days and hadn't phoned because I didn't want to talk to anyone right now--'Sorry, I'm just going through a rough patch.'

No kidding.

For the last few days I've been hiding out in my house and using candlelight at night. The closet hasn't been an issue, because I haven't been sleeping. I haven't even gone for a walk--most of the time I cuddle with Emma and cry into her fur.

Once I got in my car, revved it up a few times, called my mom from my cell phone, and made a bunch of static noise. I told her I was okay but I was driving and my phone was cutting out so I couldn't talk. Least that part wasn't a lie--I was barely able to say hello without choking from the effort of keeping everything inside.

When I checked my e-mail, Christina had written that she hoped the time away helped and that I felt better when I came back. 'I'll miss you,' she wrote. She signed the message with xxx's, ooo's, and a little smiley face icon.

The next day I spotted her car heading down my driveway and wrapped my hand around Emma's muzzle before she could bark. Christina walked around outside for a couple of minutes, then drove away. When I looked out I realized she'd picked up all the newspapers that were cluttering the doorstep. I felt like such a jerk.

Gary called to tell me things were progressing and he appreciated my cooperation. I wondered if he was excited about closing in on the 'bad guy.' He's a cop for a reason.

I didn't tell him I was still planning on coming to my shrink appointment today--he would have just told me not to--and I was glad I hadn't canceled when he called around eight this morning to tell me they finally located the other maid at the hotel. And yes, she did remember the woman wearing sunglasses--the car was so big and the woman was so small, she had to struggle to push the car door open.

'I know what you're thinking, Gary, but there must be...Shit, just give me a minute here.'