LADY BRACKNELL
[Starting.] Miss Prism! Did I hear you mention a Miss Prism?
CHASUBLE
Yes, Lady Bracknell. I am on my way to join her.
LADY BRACKNELL
Pray allow me to detain you for a moment. This matter
may prove to be one of vital importance to Lord Bracknell and myself.
Is this Miss Prism a female of repellent aspect, remotely connected with
education? CHASUBLE [Somewhat indignantly.] She is the most cultivated of ladies, and the very picture of respectability.
LADY BRACKNELL
It is obviously the same person. May I ask what position
she holds in your household? CHASUBLE [Severely.] I am a celibate, madam. JACK [Interposing.] Miss Prism, Lady Bracknell, has been for the last three
years Miss Cardew's esteemed governess and valued companion.
LADY BRACKNELL
In spite of what I hear of her, I must see her at once. Let
her be sent for. CHASUBLE [Looking off.] She approaches; she is nigh. [Enter MISS PRISM hurriedly.]
MISS PRISM
I was told you expected me in the vestry, dear Canon. I have been waiting for you there for an hour and three quarters. [Catches sight O/ADY BRACKNELL who has fixed her with a stony glare, MISS PRISM grows pale and quails. She looks anxiously round as if desirous to escape.]
LADY BRACKNELL [In a severe, judicial voice.] Prism! [MISS PRISM hows her head in shame.] Come here, Prism! [MISS PRISM approaches in a humble manner.] Prism! Where is that baby? [General consternation, THE CANON starts back in horror. ALGERNON and JACK pretend to be anxious to shield CECILY and GWENDOLEN from hearing the details of a terrible public scandal.]
Twenty-eight years ago, Prism, you left Lord Bracknell's house, Number 104, Upper Grosvenor Street, in charge of a perambulator that contained a baby, of the male sex. You never returned. A few weeks later, through the elaborate investigations of the Metropolitan police, the perambulator was discovered at midnight, standing by itself in a remote corner of Bayswater.9 It contained the manuscript of a three-volume novel of more than usually revolting sentimentality, [MISS PRISM starts in involuntary indignation.] But the baby was not there! [Everyone looks at MISS PRISM.] Prism! Where is that
baby? [A pause.] 7. A radical Protestant sect of the 17th century, worshippers to their pews and open the doors for whose repudiation of infant baptism was regarded them. as heretical by Anglicans. 9. A once fashionable locality in the West End 8. A person employed at church services to usher near Kensington Gardens.
.
1 1738 / OSCAR WILDE
MISS PRISM
Lady Bracknell, I admit with shame that I do not know. I only
wish I did. The plain facts of the case are these. On the morning of the day
you mention, a day that is forever branded on my memory, I prepared as
usual to take the baby out in its perambulator. I had also with me a some
what old, but capacious handbag, in which I had intended to place the
manuscript of a work of fiction that I had written during my few unoccupied
hours. In a moment of mental abstraction, for which I never can forgive
myself, I deposited the manuscript in the bassinette, and placed the baby
in the handbag. JACK [Who has been listening attentively.] But where did you deposit the handbag?
MISS PRISM
Do not ask me, Mr. Worthing.
JACK
Miss Prism, this is a matter of no small importance to me. I insist on
knowing where you deposited the handbag that contained that infant.
MISS PRISM
I left it in the cloak room of one of the larger railway stations in London.
JACK
What railway station? MISS PRISM [Quite crushed.] Victoria. The Brighton line. [Sinks into a chair.] JACK
