Praddy? CROFTS Dont know. I suppose he can sleep at the inn. MRS WARREN Havnt you room for him, Sam? REV. SAMUEL Well?er?you see, as rector here, I am not free to do as I like.
Er?what is Mr Praed's social position? MRS. WARREN Oh, he's all right: he's an architect. What an old stick- in-themud you are, Sam!
FRANK Yes, it's all right, gov'nor. He built that place down in Wales for the Duke. Caernarvon Castle2 they call it. You must have heard of it. [He winks with lightning smartness at MRS WARREN, and regards his father blandly.]
REV. SAMUEL Oh, in that case, of course we shall only be too happy. I suppose he knows the Duke personally. FRANK Oh, ever so intimately! We can stick him in Georgina's old room.
7. Woo, court. 1. Law courts. 8. I.e., you are very cheeky (presumptuous). 2. Frank here plays on his father's ignorance and 9. Minor country landowners. snobbery: the castle was built in the 13th century.
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MRS WARREN'S PROFESSION, ACT 1 / 1759
MRS WARREN Well, thats settled. Now if those two would only come in and
let us have supper. Theyve no right to stay out after dark like this. CROFTS [Aggressively.] What harm are they doing you? MRS WARREN Well, harm or not, I dont like it. FRANK Better not wait for them, Mrs Warren. Praed will stay out as long as
possible. He has never known before what it is to stray over the heath on a
summer night with my Vivie. CROFTS [Sitting up in some consternation.] I say, you know! Come! REV. SAMUEL [Rising, startled out of his professional manner into real force and
sincerity.] Frank, once for all, it's out of the question. Mrs Warren will tell
you that it's not to be thought of. CROFTS Of course not. FRANK [With enchanting placidity.] Is that so, Mrs Warren? MRS WARREN [Reflectively.] Well, Sam, I dont know. If the girl wants to get
married, no good can come of keeping her unmarried. REV. SAMUEL [Astounded.] But married to him!?your daughter to my son!
Only think: it's impossible. CROFTS Of course it's impossible. Dont be a fool, Kitty. MRS WARREN [Nettled.] Why not? Isnt my daughter good enough for your
son? REV. SAMUEL But surely, my dear Mrs Warren, you know the reasons? MRS WARREN [Defiantly.] I know no reasons. If you know any, you can tell
them to the lad, or to the girl, or to your congregation, if you like.
REV. SAMUEL [Collapsing helplessly into his chair.] You know very well that I couldnt tell anyone the reasons. But my boy will believe me when I tell him there ar e reasons.
FRANK Quite right, Dad: he will. But has your boy's conduct ever been influenced by your reasons? CROFTS You cant marry her: and thats all about it. [He gets up and stands on
the hearth, with his back to the fireplace, frowning determinedly.] MRS WARREN [Turning on him sharply.] What have you got to do with it, pray? FRANK [With his prettiest lyrical cadence.] Precisely what I was going to ask,
myself, in my own graceful fashion.
CROFTS [To MRS WARREN.] I suppose you dont want to marry the girl to a man younger than herself and wdthout either a profession or twopence to keep her on. Ask Sam, if you dont believe me. [To the parson.] How much more money are you going to give him?
REV. SAMUEL Not another penny. He has had his patrimony; and he spent the last of it in July, [MRS WARREN'S face falls. ] CROFTS [Watching her.] There! I told you. [He resumes his place on the settle up his legs on the seat again, as if the matter were finally disposed of.] FRANK [Plaintively.] This is ever so mercenary. Do you suppose Miss Warren's going to marry for money? If we love one another? MRS WARREN Thank you. Your love's a pretty cheap commodity, my lad. If
you have no means of keeping a wife, that settles it: you cant have Vivie. FRANK [Much amused.] What do y o u say, gov'nor, eh? REV. SAMUEL I agree with Mrs Warren. FRANK And good old Crofts has already expressed his opinion. CROFTS [Turning angrily on his elbow.] Look here: I want none of y o u r
cheek. FRANK [Pointedly.] I'm ever so sorry to surprise you, Crofts, but you allowed
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1 176 0 / BERNARD SHAW
yourself the liberty of speaking to me like a father a moment ago. One father
is enough, thank you. CROFTS [Contemptuously.] Yah! [He turns away again.] FRANK [Rising.] Mrs Warren: I cannot give my Vivie up, even for your sake. MRS WARREN [Muttering.] Young scamp! FRANK [Continuing. ] And as you no doubt intend to hold out other prospects
to her, I shall lose no time in placing my case before her. [They stare at him; and he begins to declaim gracefully.]
He either fears his fate too much, Or his deserts are small, That dares not put it to the touch To gain or lose it all.3
[The cottage door opens whilst he is reciting; and VIVIE and PRAED come in. He breaks off. PRAED puts his hat on the dresser. There is an immediate improvement in the company's behavior, CROFTS takes down his legs from the settle and pulls himself together as PRAED joins him at the fireplace, MRS WARREN loses her ease of manner and takes refuge in querulousness. ]
MRS WARREN Wherever have you been, Vivie? VIVIE [Taking of f her hat and throwing it carelessly on the table.] On the hill. MRS WARREN Well, you shouldnt go off like that without letting me know.
