How could I tell what had become of you? And night coming on too!
vrviE [Going to the door of the kitchen and opening it, ignoring her mother.] Now, about supper? [All rise except MRS WARREN.] We shall be rather crowded in here, I'm afraid.
MRS WARREN Did you hear what I said, Vivie?
VIVIE [Quietly.] Yes, mother. [Reverting to the supper difficidty.] How many are we? [Counting.] One, two, three, four, five, six. Well, two will have to wait until the rest are done: Mrs Alison has only plates and knives for four.
PRAED Oh, it doesnt matter about me. I ?
VTVIE You have had a long walk and are hungry, Mr Praed: you shall have your supper at once. I can wait myself. I want one person to wait with me. Frank: are you hungry?
FRANK Not the least in the world. Completely off my peck,4 in fact. MRS WARREN [To CROFTS.] Neither are you, George. You can wait. CROFTS Oh, hang it. Ive eaten nothing since tea-time. Cant Sam do it? FRANK Would you starve my poor father? REV. SAMUEL [Testily. ] Allow me to speak for myself, sir. I am perfectly willing
to wait.
VIVIE [Decisively.] Theres no need. Only two are wanted. [She opens the door of the kitchen.] Will you take my mother in, Mr Gardner. [The parson takes MRS WARREN; and they pass into the kitchen, PRAED and CROFTS follow. All except PRAED clearly disapprove of the arrangement, but do not know how to resist it. vrviE stands at the door looking in at them.] Can you squeeze past to that corner, Mr Praed: it's rather a tight fit. Take care of your coat against the white-wash: thats right. Now, are you all comfortable?
3. From the poem 'My Dear and Only Love,' by 4. Food (slang), the marquess of Montrose (1612?1650).
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MRS WARREN'S PROFESSION, ACT 1 / 1761
PRAED [Within.] Quite, thank you.
MRS WARREN [Within.] Leave the door open, dearie. [VWE frowns; hut FRANK checks her with a gesture, and steals to the cottage door, which he softly sets wide open.] Oh Lor, what a draught! Youd better shut it, dear.
[VIVIE shuts it with a slam, and then, noting with disgust that her mother's hat and shawl are lying about, takes them tidily to the window seat, whilst FRANK noiselessly shuts the cottage door. ]
FRANK [Extdting.] Aha! Got rid of em. Well, Viwums: what do you think of my governor? VIVIE [Preoccupied and serious.] Ive hardly spoken to him. He doesnt strike me as being a particularly able person.
FRANK Well, you know, the old man is not altogether such a fool as he looks. You see, he was shoved into the Church rather; and in trying to live up to it he makes a much bigger ass of himself than he really is. I dont dislike him as much as you might expect. He means well. How do you think youll get on with him?
VIVIE [Rather grimly.] I dont think my future life will be much concerned with him, or with any of that old circle of my mother's, except perhaps Praed. [She sits down on the settle.] What do you think of my mother?
FRANK Really and truly? vrviE Yes, really and truly. FRANK Well, she's ever so jolly. But she's rather a caution, isn't she? And
Crofts! Oh my eye, Crofts! [He sits beside her.] VIVIE What a lot, Frank! FRANK What a crew! VIVIE [With intense contempt for them.] If I thought that I was like that?
that I was going to be a waster, shifting along from one meal to another with no purpose, and no character, and no grit in me, I'd open an artery and bleed to death without one moment's hesitation.
FRANK Oh no, you wouldnt. Why should they take any grind when they can afford not to? I wish I had their luck. No: what I object to is their form. It isnt the thing: it's slovenly, ever so slovenly.
VIVIE Do you think your form will be any better when youre as old as Crofts, if you dont work? FRANK Of course I do. Ever so much better. Viwums mustnt lecture: her little boy's incorrigible. [He attempts to take her face caressingly in his hands.]
vrviE [Striking his hands down sharply.] Off with you: Viwums is not in a humor for petting her little boy this evening. [She rises and comes forward to the other side of the room.]
FRANK [Following her.] How unkind! VIVIE [Stamping at him.] Re serious. I'm serious. FRANK Good. Let us talk learnedly. Miss Warren: do you know that all the
most advanced thinkers are agreed that half the diseases of modern civilization are due to starvation of the affections in the young. Now, I? VIVIE [Cutting him short.] You are very tiresome. [She opens the inner door.] Have you room for Frank there? He's complaining of starvation.
MRS WARREN [Within. ] Of course there is. [Clatter of knives and glasses as she moves the things on the table.] Here! theres room now beside me. Come along, Mr Frank.
FRANK Her little boy will be ever so even with his Viwums for this. [He passes into the kitchen.]
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1 176 2 / BERNARD SHAW
MRS WARREN [Within.] Here, Vivie: come on you too, child. You must be famished. [She enters, followed by CROFTS, who holds the door open for VTVIE with marked deference. She goes out without looking at him; and he shuts the door after her.] Why, George, you cant be done: youve eaten nothing. Is there anything wrong with you?
CROFTS Oh, all I wanted was a drink. [He thrusts his hands in his pockets, and begins prowling about the room, restless and sidky.]
MRS WARREN Well, I like enough to eat. But a little of that cold beef and cheese and lettuce goes a long way. [With a sigh of only half repletion she sits down lazily on the settle.]
