MRS WARREN'S PROFESSION, ACT 1 / 1781
two days have given me back all my strength and self-possession. I will never take a holiday again as long as I live. FRANK [With a very wry face.] Mps! You look quite happy. And as hard as
nails. VIVIE [Grimly.] Well for me that I am! FRANK [Rising.] Look here, Viv: we must have an explanation. We parted the
other day under a complete misunderstanding. [He sits on the table, close to
her.] VIVIE [Putting away the cigaret.] Well: clear it up. FRANK YOU remember what Crofts said? VIVIE Yes. FRANK That revelation was supposed to bring about a complete change in
the nature of our feeling for one another. It placed us on the footing of
brother and sister. VIVIE Yes. FRANK Have you ever had a brother? VIVIE NO. FRANK Then you dont know what being brother and sister feels like? Now I
have lots of sisters; and the fraternal feeling is quite familiar to me. I assure you my feeling for you is not the least in the world like it. The girls will go their way; I will go mine; and we shant care if we never see one another again. Thats brother and sister. But as to you, I cant be easy if I have to pass a week without seeing you. Thats not brother and sister. It's exactly what I felt an hour before Crofts made his revelation. In short, dear Viv, it's love's young dream.
VIVIE [Bitingly.] The same feeling, Frank, that brought your father to my mother's feet. Is that it?
FRANK [SO revolted that he slips off the table for a moment.] I very strongly object, Viv, to have my feelings compared to any which the Reverend Samuel is capable of harboring; and I object still more to a comparison of you to your mother. [Resuming his perch.] Resides, I dont believe the story. I have taxed my father with it, and obtained from him what I consider tantamount to a denial.
VTVIE What did he say? FRANK He said he was sure there must be some mistake. VIVIE DO you believe him? FRANK I am prepared to take his word as against Crofts'. VIVIE Does it make any difference? I mean in your imagination or conscience;
for of course it makes no real difference. FRANK [Shaking his head.] None whatever to me. VTVIE Nor to me. FRANK [Staring.] But this is ever so surprising! [He goes back to his chair.] I
thought our whole relations were altered in your imagination and conscience, as you put it, the moment those words were out of the brute's muzzle.
VIVIE No: it was not that. I didnt believe him. I only wish I could. FRANK Eh? VIVIE I think brother and sister would be a very suitable relation for us. FRANK YOU really mean that? VIVIE Yes. It's the only relation I care for, even if we could afford any other.
I mean that.
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1 178 2 / BERNARD SHAW
FRANK [Raising his eyebrows like one on whom a new light has dawned, and rising with quite an effusion of chivalrous sentiment.] My dear Viv: why didnt you say so before? I am ever so sorry for persecuting you. I understand, of course.
VIVIE [Puzzled.] Understand what? FRANK Oh, I'm not a fool in the ordinary sense: only in the Scriptural sense of doing all the things the wise man declared to be folly, after trying them himself on the most extensive scale.8 I see 1 am no longer Viwum's little boy. Dont be alarmed: I shall never call you Viwums again?at least unless you get tired of your new little boy, whoever he may be.
VIVIE My new little boy! FRANK [With conviction.] Must be a new little boy. Always happens that way. No other way, in fact. VIVIE None that you know of, fortunately for you.
[Someone knocks at the door.]
FRANK My curse upon yon caller, whoe'er he be! VTVIE It's Praed. He's going to Italy and wants to say goodbye. I asked him to call this afternoon. Go and let him in.
FRANK We can continue our conversation after his departure for Italy. I'll stay him out. [He goes to the door and opens it.] How are you, Praddy? Delighted to see you. Come in.
[PRAED, dressed for travelling, comes in, in high spirits.]
PRAED How do you do, Miss Warren? [She presses his hand cordially, though a certain sentimentality in his high spirits jars on her.] I start in an hour from Holborn Viaduct.9 I wish I could persuade you to try Italy.
VTVIE What for?
PRAED Why, to saturate yourself with beauty and romance, of course.
[VIVIE, with a shudder, turns her chair to the table, as if the work waiting for her were a support to her. PRAED sits opposite to her. FRANK places a chair near VTVIE, and drops lazily and carelessly into it, talking at her over his shoulder.]
FRANK No use, Praddy. Viv is a little Philistine.1 She is indifferent to my romance, and insensible to my beauty. VTVIE Mr Praed: once for all, there is no beauty and no romance in life for me. Life is what it is; and I am prepared to take it as it is.
PRAED [Enthusiastically.] You will not say that if you come with me to Verona and on to Venice. You will cry with delight at living in such a beautiful world.
FRANK This is most eloquent, Praddy. Keep it up.
PRAED Oh, I assure you I have cried?I shall cry again, I hope?at fifty! At your age, Miss Warren, you would not need to go so far as Verona. Your spirits would absolutely fly up at the mere sight of Ostend. You would be charmed with the gaiety, the vivacity, the happy air of Brussels.
VIVIE [Springing up with an exclamation of loathing.] Agh! PRAED [Rising. ] Whats the matter? FRANK
