GUS YOU got any cigarettes? I've run out.
[The lavatory flushes off left.]
There she goes.
[GUS sits on his bed.] No, I mean, I say the crockery's good. It is. It's very nice. But that's about all I can say for this place. It's worse than the last one. Remember that last place we were in? Last time, where was it? At least there was a wireless there. No, honest. He doesn't seem to bother muc h about our comfort these days.
BEN Whe n are you going to stop jabbering? GUS You'd get rheumatism in a place like this, if you stay long. BEN We're not staying long. Make the tea, will you? We'll be on the job in a
minute.
[GUS picks up a small bag by his bed and brings out a packet of tea. He examines it and looks up.]
GUS Eh, I've been meaning to ask you. BEN What the hell is it now? GUS Wh y did you stop the car this morning, in the middle of that road? BEN [Lowering the paper.] I thought you were asleep. GUS I was, but I woke up when you stopped. You did stop, didn't you?
[Pause.] In the middle of that road. It was still dark, don't you remember? I looked out. It was all misty. I thought perhaps you wanted to kip,3 but you were sitting up dead straight, like you were waiting for something.
BEN I wasn't waiting for anything. GUS I must have fallen asleep again. Wha t was all that about then? Wh y did
you stop? BEN [Picking up the paper.] W e were too early. GUS Early? [He rises.] What do you mean? W e got the call, didn't we, saying
we were to start right away. We did. We shoved out on the dot. So how
could we be too early? BEN [Quietly.] Wh o took the call, me or you? GUS You. BEN We were too early. GUS TOO early for what?
[Pause.]
You mean someone had to get out before we got in?
3. Nap.
.
260 6 / HAROLD PINTER
[He examines the bedclothes.]
I thought these sheets didn't look too bright. I thought they ponged4 a bit. I was too tired to notice when I got in this morning. Eh, that's taking a bit of a liberty, isn't it? I don't want to share my bed-sheets. I told you things were going down the drain. I mean, we've always had clean sheets laid on up till now. I've noticed it.
BEN How do you know those sheets weren't clean?
GUS What do you mean?
BEN How do you know they weren't clean? You've spent the whole day in them, haven't you?
GUS What, you mean it might be my pong? [He sniffs sheets.] Yes. [He sits slowly on bed.] It could be m y pong, I suppose. It's difficult to tell. I don't really know what I pong like, that's the trouble. BEN [Referring to the paper.] Kaw! GUS Eh, Ben. BEN Kaw! GUS Ben. BEN What? GUS Wha t town are we in? I've forgotten. BEN I've told you. Birmingham. GUS G o on! [He looks with interest about the room.] That's in the Midlands. Th e second biggest city in Great Britain. I'd never have guessed. [He snaps his fingers. ] Eh, it's Friday today, isn't it? It'll be Saturday tomorrow. BEN Wha t about it? GUS [Excited.] W e could go and watch the Villa.5 BEN They're playing away. GUS NO , are they? Caarr! Wha t a pity. BEN Anyway, there's no time. We've got to get straight back. GUS Well, we have done in the past, haven't we? Stayed over and watched a game, haven't we? For a bit of relaxation. BEN Things have tightened up, mate. They're tightened up. [GUS chuckles to himself] GUS I saw the Villa get beat in a cup tie once. Wh o was it against now? White shirts. It was one-all at half time. I'll never forget it. Their opponents won by a penalty. Talk about drama. Yes, it was a disputed penalty. Disputed. They got beat two?one, anyway, because of it. You were there yourself. BEN Not me. GUS Yes, you were there. Don't you remember that disputed penalty? BEN NO. GUS He went down just inside the area. The n they said he was just acting. I didn't think the other bloke touched hi m myself. But the referee had the ball on the spot. BEN Didn't touch him! What are you talking about? He laid him out flat! GUS Not the Villa. Th e Villa don't play that sort of game. BEN Get out of it.
4. Smelled. 5. Aston Villa, popularly known as 'the Villa,' Birmingham's soccer team.
.
THE DUMB WAITER / 2607
[Pause.] GUS Eh, that must have been here, in Birmingham. BEN What must? GUS The Villa. That must have been here. BEN They were playing away. GUS Because you know who the other team was? It was the Spurs. It was
Tottenham Hotspur.6 BEN Well, what about it? GUS We've never done a job in Tottenham. BEN Ho w do you know? GUS I'd remember Tottenham.
[BEN turns on his hed to look at him.]
BEN Don't make me laugh, will you?
[BEN turns hack and reads. GUS yawns and speaks through his yawn.]
GUS When's he going to get in touch?
[Pause.]
Yes, I'd like to see another football match. I've always been an ardent football
