mud that was lacking in the dell.3 [Pointing through the window.] What is that cowshed?
NOAKES The hermitage, my lady? LADY CROOM It is a cowshed. NOAKES Madam, it is, I assure you, a very habitable cottage, properly
founded and drained, two rooms and a closet under a slate roof and a stone
chimney? LADY CROOM And who is to live in it? NOAKES Why, the hermit. LADY CROOM Where is he? NOAKES Madam? LADY CROOM YOU surely do not supply a hermitage without a hermit? NOAKES Indeed, madam? LADY CROOM Come, come, Mr Noakes. If I am promised a fountain I expect
it to come with water. What hermits do you have? NOAKES I have no hermits, my lady. LADY CROOM Not one? I am speechless. NOAKES I am sure a hermit can be found. One could advertise. LADY CROOM Advertise? NOAKES In the newspapers. LADY CROOM But surely a hermit who takes a newspaper is not a hermit in
whom one can have complete confidence. NOAKES I do not know what to suggest, my lady. SEPTIMUS Is there room for a piano? NOAKES [Baffled.] A piano? LADY CROOM We are intruding here?this will not do, Mr Hodge. Evidently,
nothing is being learned. [To NOAKES.] Come along, sir! THOMASINA Mr Noakes?bad news from Paris! NOAKES Is it the Emperor Napoleon? THOMASINA NO. [She tears the page off her drawing hlock, with her 'diagram'
on it.] It concerns your heat engine. Improve it as you will, you can never get out of it what you put in. It repays eleven pence in the shilling at most. The penny is for this author's thoughts.
[She gives the diagram to SEPTIMUS who looks at it.] NOAKES [Baffled again.] Thank you, my lady.
[NOAKES goes out into the garden.] LADY CROOM [TO SEPTIMUS.] DO you understand her? SEPTIMUS No . LADY CROOM Then this business is over. I was married at seventeen. Ce soir
ilfaut qu'on parte franqais, je te demanded Thomasina, as a courtesy to the Count. Wear your green velvet, please, 1 will send Briggs to do your hair. Sixteen and eleven months . . . !
[She follows NOAKES out of view.] THOMASINA Lord Byron was with a lady?
2. Two species of game bird. 4. This evening I must ask you to speak French 3. Small valley. (French).
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ARCADIA II.7 / 2813
SEPTIMUS Yes.
THOMASINA Huh ! [Now SEPTIMUS retrieves his hook from THOMASINA. He turns the pages, and also continues to study Thomasina's diagram. He strokes the tortoise absently as he reads, THOMASINA takes up pencil and paper and starts to draw SEPTIMUS with Plautus.]
SEPTIMUS Why does it mean Mr Noakes's engine pays eleven pence in the
shilling? Where does he say it? THOMASINA Nowhere. I noticed it by the way. I cannot remember now. SEPTIMUS Nor is he interested by determinism? THOMASINA Oh . . . yes. Newton's equations go forwards and backwards, they
do not care which way. But the heat equation cares very much, it goes only one way. That is the reason Mr Noakes's engine cannot give the power to drive Mr Noakes's engine.
SEPTIMUS Everybody knows that. THOMASINA Yes, Septimus, they know it about engines! SEPTIMUS [Pause. He looks at his watch.] A quarter to twelve. For your essay
this week, explicate5 your diagram. THOMASINA I cannot, I do not know the mathematics. SEPTIMUS Without mathematics, then.
[THOMASINA has continued to draw. She tears the top page from her
drawing pad and gives it to SEPTIMUS.] THOMASINA There. I have made a drawing of you and Plautus. SEPTIMUS [Looking at it.] Excellent likeness. Not so good of me.
[THOMASINA laughs, and leaves the room. AUGUSTUS appears at the garden door. His manner cautious and diffident. 6 SEPTIMUS does not notice him for a moment.
SEPTIMUS gathers his papers together.] AUGUSTUS Sir . . . SEPTIMUS My lord . . . ? AUGUSTUS I gave you offence, sir, and I am sorry for it. SEPTIMUS I took none, my lord, but you are kind to mention it. AUGUSTUS I would like to ask you a question, Mr Hodge. [Pause.] You have
an elder brother, I dare say, being a Septimus?7 SEPTIMUS Yes, my lord. He lives in London. He is the editor of a newspaper,
the Piccadilly Recreation. [Pause. ] Was that your question? [AUGUSTUS, evidently embarrassed about something, picks up the drawing of Septimus.]
AUGUSTUS No. Oh ... it is you? ... I would like to keep it. [SEPTIMUS inclines his head in assent.] There are things a fellow cannot ask his friends. Carnal things. My sister has told me . . . my sister believes such things as I cannot, I assure you, bring myself to repeat.
SEPTIMUS You must not repeat them, then. The walk between here and dinner will suffice to put us straight, if we stroll by the garden. It is an easy business. And then I must rely on you to correct your sister's state of ignorance.
[A commotion is heard outside?BERNARDS loud voice in a sort of agony.]
5. Explain. 7. Latin for 'seventh.' 6. Shy.
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2814 / TOM STOPPARD
BERNARD [outside the door.] Oh no?no?no?oh, bloody hell!?
