sympathising callers, nobody seemed to mourn for her from their hearts
except one mourner whose genuine grief made a great impression upon me,
seeing that the mourner in question was--Gasha! She shut herself up in
the garret, tore her hair and refused all consolation, saying that, now
that her mistress was dead, she only wished to die herself.
I again assert that, in matters of feeling, it is the unexpected effects
that constitute the most reliable signs of sincerity.
Though Grandmamma was no longer with us, reminiscences and gossip about
her long went on in the house. Such gossip referred mostly to her will,
which she had made shortly before her death, and of which, as yet, no
one knew the contents except her bosom friend, Prince Ivan Ivanovitch.
I could hear the servants talking excitedly together, and making
innumerable conjectures as to the amount left and the probable
beneficiaries: nor can I deny that the idea that we ourselves were
probably the latter greatly pleased me.
Six weeks later, Nicola--who acted as regular news-agent to the
house--informed me that Grandmamma had left the whole of her fortune to
Lubotshka, with, as her trustee until her majority, not Papa, but Prince
Ivan Ivanovitch!
XXIV. MYSELF
Only a few months remained before I was to matriculate for the
University, yet I was making such good progress that I felt no
apprehensions, and even took a pleasure in my studies. I kept in good
heart, and learnt my lessons fluently and intelligently. The faculty
I had selected was the mathematical one--probably, to tell the truth,
because the terms 'tangent,' 'differentials,' 'integrals,' and so forth,
pleased my fancy.
Though stout and broad-shouldered, I was shorter than Woloda, while my
ugliness of face still remained and tormented me as much as ever. By way
of compensation, I tried to appear original. Yet one thing comforted
me, namely, that Papa had said that I had 'an INTELLIGENT face.' I quite
believed him.
St. Jerome was not only satisfied with me, but actually had taken to
praising me. Consequently, I had now ceased to hate him. In fact, when,
one day, he said that, with my 'capacities' and my 'intellect,' it would
be shameful for me not to accomplish this, that, or the other thing, I
believe I almost liked him.
I had long ago given up keeping observation on the maidservants' room,
for I was now ashamed to hide behind doors. Likewise, I confess that
the knowledge of Masha's love for Basil had greatly cooled my ardour
for her, and that my passion underwent a final cure by their marriage--a
consummation to which I myself contributed by, at Basil's request,
asking Papa's consent to the union.
When the newly-married couple brought trays of cakes and sweetmeats to
Papa as a thank-offering, and Masha, in a cap with blue ribbons, kissed
each of us on the shoulder in token of her gratitude, I merely noticed
the scent of the rose pomade on her hair, but felt no other sensation.
In general, I was beginning to get the better of my youthful defects,
with the exception of the principal one--the one of which I shall often
again have to speak in relating my life's history--namely, the tendency
to abstract thought.
XXV. WOLODA'S FRIENDS
Although, when in the society of Woloda's friends, I had to play a part
that hurt my pride, I liked sitting in his room when he had visitors,
and silently watching all they did. The two who came most frequently
to see him were a military adjutant called Dubkoff and a student named
Prince Nechludoff. Dubkoff was a little dark-haired, highly-strung man
