Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

Never mind.

'Your friendship for Hermione Granger does you credit,' Professor Quirrell said dryly. 'Especially as you are able to be friends with Draco Malfoy at the same time. Quite a feat, that.'

Harry suddenly looked a little nervous, meaning he probably felt a lot more nervous, and Draco silently swore to himself. Of course Harry wasn't going to fool Professor Quirrell.

'And I doubt Miss Granger would appreciate your friendly concern,' said Professor Quirrell. 'She asked me for the position, Mr. Potter, I did not ask her.'

Harry was quiet at this for a moment. Then he flashed Draco a quick look that mixed apology and warning, saying at the same time, Sorry, I did my best and We'd better not press it any further.

'As for her being miserable,' Professor Quirrell went on, a slight smile now playing about his lips, 'I suspect that she will have a much easier time with the rigors of her position than either of you suspect, and that she will put up a good fight much sooner than you think.'

Harry and Draco both gasped in horror.

'You're not going to advise her, are you?' said Draco, utterly aghast.

'I never signed up to fight you!' said Harry.

The smile playing around Professor Quirrell's lips grew wider. 'As a matter of fact, I did offer to share a few suggestions regarding Miss Granger's first battles.'

'Professor Quirrell!' said Harry.

'Oh, don't worry,' Professor Quirrell said. 'She turned me down. Just as I expected.'

Draco's eyes narrowed.

'Dear me, Mr. Potter,' said Professor Quirrell, 'didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare?'

'You're not going to secretly help her some other way, are you?' said Harry.

'Would I do that?' said Professor Quirrell.

'Yes,' said Draco and Harry at the same time.

'I am wounded by your lack of trust. Well then, I promise not to help General Granger in any way that the two of you don't know about. And now I suggest that both of you be about your military affairs. November approaches, and swiftly.'

Draco saw the implications before the door had closed all the way behind them on their way out of Professor Quirrell's office.

Harry had once spoken dismissively of 'people stuff'.

And now that was Draco's only hope.

Let him not realize, let him not realize...

'We should just attack the Granger girl first and get her out of our way,' said Draco. 'After we crush her, we can have our own contest without any distractions.'

'Now that doesn't really seem fair to her, does it?' said Harry in a mild voice.

'What do you care?' said Draco. 'She's your rival, right?' Then, with just the right note of suspicion in his voice, 'Don't tell me you've started really liking her, after being her rival all this time...'

'Founders forbid,' said Harry. 'What can I say, Draco? I merely have a natural sense of justice. Granger does too, you know. She has a very firm grasp on good and evil, and she's probably going to attack evil first. Having a name like 'Malfoy' is just asking for it, you know.'

DAMN IT!

'Harry,' said Draco, sounding wounded and maybe a little superior, 'don't you want to fight fairly against me?'

'You mean rather than attacking you after you've already lost some of your forces beating Granger?' said Harry. 'Oh, I don't know. Maybe after I get bored with just winning I'll try that 'fair' thing.'

'Maybe she'll attack you,' Draco said. 'You're her rival.'

'But I'm her friendly rival,' Harry said with an evil grin. 'I bought her a nice birthday present and everything. You wouldn't go around sabotaging your friendly rival like that.'

'What about sabotaging your friend's chance at a fair fight?' said Draco angrily. 'I thought we were friends!'

'Let me rephrase that,' said Harry. 'Granger wouldn't sabotage a friendly rival. But that's because she has the killing intention of a bowl of wet grapes. You would. You totally would. And guess what, so would I.'

DAMN IT!

If it had been a play, there would have been dramatic music.

The hero, impeccably turned out in green-trimmed robes and perfectly combed white-blonde hair, faced the villain.

The villain, leaning back in a simple wooden chair with her buckteeth clearly visible and stray chestnut curls drifting over her cheeks, faced the hero.

It was Wednesday, October 30th, and the first battle was coming up on Sunday.

Draco was standing in General Granger's office, a room the size of a small classroom.