Mr. Darcy Takes the Plunge

people like the Bennets. No, do not give me that look, sister. They are the women you would do well to emulate.”

“Am I really so unattractive and unappealing, Charles? What can I do to improve? Please help me.”

“Your snobbish attitude has probably been a defensive strategy used to deny feelings of insecurity. We shall work on boosting your confidence and self worth. Be that as it may, we first must choke down some rather unsavoury tripe.”

“Of what are you speaking, brother? Truly, I have no appetite for dinner tonight.”

“No, my dear sister, I refer to the fact we must soon eat humble pie.”

PART IV Perfumed, Polished, and Perfectly Pleasing or Scents and Sensuality A tribute to Austen’s Sense and Sensibility

Chapter I A Romantic Triangle Becomes a Wreck- Tangle

Fitzwilliam Darcy had sobered considerably by the time he and Ellis Fleming approached his townhouse. The two young gents quietly entered and evaded detection, except by a few curious yet scrupulous attendants. Fleming ensured his friend was comfortably settled in the library and said, “I shall leave you now; however, I have been invited to dine with your family this evening, so I will return in several hours. Promise me you will not be making indentures in the meantime. You have had quite enough to drink already this afternoon, Ditzwilliam Farcy.”

Darcy waved his friend away and clumsily removed his cravat, coat, and shoes. He stretched out on a cozy couch in the hope of sleeping off the effects of more than just a wee tot of brandy. While in the middle of a strange dream, in which Elizabeth was both his wife and the Exchequer Minister, the library door flew open with a bang that sounded like a gunshot through his stupor. He jolted upright, which made the room spin wildly. “What the … ”

Georgiana gasped “Oh!” upon entering the room. “Sorry, brother. I did not realize the library was occupied. Have you seen Barb Thorne? She has escaped again from Anna.”

“Chancellor?”

“I beg your pardon? Fitzwilliam, are you unwell?”

“Ah, no. Yes. Pardon? I fell asleep, you see.”

“You are behaving rather strangely. I asked if you have seen Anna’s hedgehog.”

Darcy groggily grinned as he remembered a fragment of his dream in which he and the beautiful Chancellor of the Exchequer had been waltzing. He muttered, “I dreamt I was actually holding her in my arms.”

“You have never liked holding hedgehogs. Yet you had your hands on Barbara in a dream?”

“No, on Elizabeth. Who is Bar … Wait … Georgie, did you just say hanson barberin?”

“No. I said ‘hands on Barbara in … ’ oh, never mind! Truly, brother, you are not speaking coherently.” She frowned and marched over to determine whether he was feverish but was appalled to find, instead, that he reeked of alcohol. “Fitzwilliam Darcy! Have you been liberally imbibing sufficient amounts of spirits to actually be inebriated at this hour of the day?”

He sheepishly admitted he had, indeed, consumed a quantity of alcoholic beverages at his club. As the intoxicating dream of dancing with Elizabeth faded like a wisp of smoke, he immediately remembered the underlying cause for the drinking binge. Darcy instantly became melancholy, slid back down, and reclined with his forearm over his eyes.

Georgiana sensed her brother was troubled by more than the effects of alcohol and tried to cheer him. “Why are you having a fit of the blue-devils? I should think you would be in high spirits at the prospect of spending tomorrow night in the presence of a certain young lady of our acquaintance. Have you already reserved a set or two with Elizabeth, brother? I hope you secured her for at least the first, supper, or final set; or perhaps you have been sly enough to ask for two of those. Mr. Fleming has requested all three sets from me; still, I wish … ”

Miss Darcy was startled when her brother bolted up, reeled across the room, and stared out the window. When the library stopped tilting, he spoke with a soft but raspy voice. “Have you not heard, Georgie? Your friend has accepted Lieutenant-Colonel Dun’s marriage proposal.”

She collapsed onto the vacated sofa and gazed at her brother’s back as he rested his forehead on the coolness of the windowpane. “No! That cannot be true, Fitzwilliam. You are certainly mistaken.”

“I was there, dearest; and I heard his understandable elation upon receiving her positive response.”

Georgiana was aghast. “Are you telling me you were actually present during such an intimate moment?”

“Well, I was not present in the same room with the couple, of course. Despite that, I could not help but distinctly hear the end result. In fact, the whole household probably heard the fortunate braggart’s happy exclamation. That insufferable, carrot-topped, red-coated blowhard could hardly contain his ecstatic enthusiasm at having won such a woman.” He hung his head and muttered, “I certainly cannot blame him for such ardour.”

Miss Darcy walked over to her older sibling and gently placed a hand on his arm. “I am so very sorry, Fitzwilliam. Yet I can scarcely believe Elizabeth would willingly enter into such an engagement. I was positive her affections were directed elsewhere. Oh dear, shall it be painful for you to face her at the ball?”

“Do not be concerned about me, Georgie. I will don my usual stiff upper lip and flinty mask, be a perfect gentleman, and ask the dear lady to accept my best wishes for her health and happiness. That said, I know I shall never experience felicity without her in my life. Excuse me now, please. I wish to be alone for a while.” Darcy fetched his coat and shoes and staggered out of the library, forgetting he had also discarded his cravat, which had fallen beneath the chesterfield.

Georgiana was sorely disappointed and more than a little annoyed. How could Elizabeth possibly be so confoundedly blind? She and Fitzwilliam are absolutely perfect for one another. I simply will not believe she agreed to become that officer’s wife until I hear it directly from her. I must do what I can to repair my brother’s broken heart and re-pair him with Elizabeth. Miss Darcy also left the room; however, she rang for a carriage, donned a bonnet and spencer, collected Pug-Nacious and Dust Bunny, and exited the townhouse. She was on a mission to the Bennet home and totally forgot her previous undertaking, which had been to locate Barb Thorne, the hedgehog. From beneath the sofa, a white linen cravat stealthily made its way across the floor of the library and crept into the hallway.

Charlotte Lucas had already taken her leave and members of the Bennet family separately pursued a variety of activities. Jane arranged dried flowers while she compared Mr. Bingley to Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mrs. Bennet visited the Gardiners, Mr. Bennet efficiently took care of a pile of correspondence in his study, Mary was at school, Kitty and Lydia were on an outing with their governess, and Robert napped in the nursery. Alone in the sitting room, Elizabeth put the finishing touches on a watercolour painting that had been a work in progress for several weeks. She stood back, appraised the canvas with a critical eye, and was surprised when a footman announced her visitor. “Georgiana! What a pleasant surprise.” She quickly turned the easel toward the wall so her friend would not notice the likeness of a certain young man in clinging clothing.

“Good afternoon, Elizabeth. It is nice to see you again, but I do not have much time before I am due to return home for dinner. May I urgently request a few moments of your time for a private conversation? The puppies are in the carriage, so perhaps you could join me while I take them for a short walk in the adjacent park.”