Radiance

Hoping Bodhi would stay sure and strong and continue to fight.

And the next thing I knew, it was over.

Or at least my part was over.

I suddenly found myself outside of it all. Back in that small, dank room, watching from the sidelines as the ghost lady’s dress whitened, her hair brightened, and the color returned to her cheeks in the way she must’ve looked before all the darkness moved in.

But the most remarkable change of all was her eyes.

The way they transformed from bottomless black oily pools — an endless sea of sorrow — to a calm brilliant blue.

And when she looked at me, looked right at me, her smile was so glorious, so luminous, so filled with hope, it just lifted her right up like a helium balloon as she sailed out that small window and up toward the sky.

I nudged Buttercup who was lying beside me, watching as he removed his paws from his eyes and immediately ran toward Bodhi who was curled up in the corner, arms circled tightly around his waist, filled to the brim with grief and pain and no idea where to put it.

And all it took was one quick look at him to know that even though he appeared to be with us, he still really wasn’t. Inside his head, inside his soul, he was back on that lonely rock island, fighting against the emotions he’d willingly taken on — trying to find a way to bear it, to process it, so that he too could release it and move on.

And while I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to, and while I wasn’t sure if it was permitted, and knowing there was a very good chance he might scold me later, I crept toward him. Kneeling down beside him as I placed my hand on his arm and streamed into his energy field. Having learned long ago, back when I was living in Summerland, that everything is made up of energy, our bodies, our thoughts,everything.

Which means that all of us are connected.

Which means that if we want to really know someone, or comfort someone in some way, then all we had to do was pay attention and tune in.

That’s truly all it takes.

He struggled, struggled for so long I worried that he wouldn’t hold out. But I kept my promise, and other than watching as the battle continued to wage, I didn’t intrude. I just kept to myself as he experienced her entire emotional journey — her fear when her boys didn’t return — her overwhelming grief when she learned they never would — her indignation when she found herself accused — her grim acceptance when she was so unfairly tried — including the moment she gave up on herself — which happened to be the same moment everyone else seemed to give up on her too. Even though she knew she was innocent of their deaths, she still found a place for the blame. She still chose to keep up her punishment long after she’d already been hanged. And even though her sons continued their existence in the very same house, enjoying century after century of naughty, mischievous pranks, it’s like they were all so immersed in their own separate worlds, they were completely unaware of each other.

“She’s back,” I whispered, knowing it to be true. “They’re all back together again. It’s over, at last.

Thanks to you. ”

I squeezed Bodhi’s arm, my shoulders lifting when he began to blink and stir. Bringing his hands to his face and rubbing his eyes before he squinted at me and said, “You okay?”

I nodded, far too choked up to trust my own voice. Instead thinking: You? Knowing he could hear it just as well as any words I might speak.

He stretched his legs out before him, craned his neck from side to side, arched his back for a moment, then stood. Offering his hand as he pulled me up too, his entire expression changing when he said, “I told you not to interfere.”

I balked, hardly believing what I’d just heard.

“I told you to stay out of it. Butnooo, you wouldn’t listen. You never listen. You have serious issues with listening.” He shook his head, adding, “And the truth is, I’m not sure what to do with you, Riley. I’m not sure if I’m even the right guide for you. I mean, it’s pretty obvious how hard it is for you to even try to respect me.”

“Wha—”I shook my head, so many arguments rushing forth at once, I didn’t know where to begin.

“Are you kidding me?” I looked at him, one quick look and I knew he was most certainly not joking, not in the least. “Because for your information, I did what you asked, and let me just tell you it wasn’tat all easy. In case you don’t realize it.I’m the one who watched you go all weird and spas my and freaky. All the while having no idea whatsoever whether or not you’d make it, not to mention what might possibly become of me if you didn’t. And yet, I still just ignored my doubts, gulped down my fears, and kept treading water, not assisting you in any way, shape, or form. And then, even after I was spit out of there, even after you swallowed her grief and she twirled her way into the sky, all I did was touch your arm and make sure you were okay. That’s it. Iswear. So you have no right to say what you did. No right at all, in fact—” He looked right at me, cutting in when he said, “See? That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.

Look at the way you speak to me! Tell me, Riley, were you like that when you were alive too? Did you talk that way to your parents, and your teachers in school?”

I screwed my lips to the side, placed my hands on my hips, and thought about it. Thought about it long and hard before saying, “Sometimes, yeah. What of it?”

He turned away, straightening his clothes and tucking the tail of his shirt back into his pants as he gazed out that small, square window and said, “The fact is, you did interfere. And now, because of it, I’ve no idea if I’ll get the credit I so desperately need for moving her across the bridge.” He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, pausing for a few moments, collecting his thoughts, before he plunged ahead. “You have no idea what you’ve done. You don’t have the first clue as to how this all works. You just jump right in, assuming you know way more than you do, refusing to pay any attention to what I’ve asked of you.” He turned toward me, pushing a lock of wet hair off his face and back behind his ear when he said, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, because you’ll just disrespect me that much more, but the Wailing Woman? She was my last chance. My last shot at redeeming myself and moving on. But now that you’ve butted in, despite my warning you to stay put, I’ll probably get demoted, and that’s if I’m lucky—”

“But that’s the thing, I didn’t interfere,” I said, arms flailing through the air, desperate for him to believe it.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you this whole entire time.That’s what you don’t seem to get. I was there, yeah, we both know that. I saw the whole, entire thing. But that’s it. All I did was hope and try to surround you with hope. I hoped that you’d realize your own inner strength. I hoped that you’d stay on course, on your mission to help her move on to a better place. That’s it! I swear. So tell me, oh mighty guide, since when is hope considered a bad thing? Since when does hope get a person demoted? I mean, seriously, sheesh!” I shook my head and circled my arms high on my chest, dismayed once again at how easily they fit there. “If that’s the way things work in the Here & Now, if they’ve truly got some kind of anti-hope campaign going on, then no thanks. I will not be returning anytime soon, no matter how many clever Soul Catchers they send after me. And I won’t let Buttercup go back either. I’d rather we just stay right here and take over as the new ghosts of Warmington Castle. All I’d have to do is come up with some kind of cool, new, ghostly type gimmick that hasn’t been done before and—” I sighed, running out of steam and shaking my head as my eyes met Bodhi’s.

“You swear you didn’t interfere?” he said, obviously wanting to believe.

“Yes!”I practically shouted, desperate for him to hear me. “I absolutely, positively, swear upon my very own grave!”

“Yes, but do you swear on your favorite Kelly Clarkson song?” He tilted his head and eyeballed me.

I gaped, wondering how he could’ve possibly known about my penchant for filling my iPod with all of her songs. Then just like that, I got it. He’d seen my footage. It was part of his prep work, before taking on the responsibility of me. He’d been forced to watch the whole lame saga of my life, the one that was unfortunately titled: The (Short, Pathetic, Completely Wasted) Life of Riley — Everything You Ever Wanted to Know, from A to Z.

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t the A to Z version,” he said. “Just the highlights, the movie trailer version, that’s all. But more importantly, are you saying I seriously did that — swallowed her grief and moved her toward the bridge all on my own?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, seeing his face light up in a smile for the first time since I’d met him, and amazed by the way it completely transformed him. “Like I said, the only thing I offered was hope, nothing more.

And they can’t fault a person for hope, can they?”