'I can't even begin to speculate on the impact of this miraculous breakthrough in science. A world where everybody is immortal. It's just…it's almost too much for me to think about. It's staggering. A world without death. Holy shit.'
'I like him! I know I shouldn't, because he's a monster, but I can't help it. I like him. He just seems like a cool guy, somebody you'd want to hang out and have a few beers with on Saturday night. I'll tell you what, Mr. Corpse, if you're into poker, stop by my place. We've got the beer. You bring the potato chips.'
'I would just like to say that it's not really our business to question what has happened either way, and that we should support our leaders and scientists and not be always second-guessing them. And I think that maybe if we did that we could live better. That's all I wanted to say. Thank you.'
'Dude, where's the Mr. Corpse video game? That'd be sweet!'
'God is looking down upon us, and God is crying. This is all against God's will, and there's going to be judgment. People are going to burn in hell for this. I am terrified that maybe this is the act that causes God to decide to do a clean sweep and start over. A lot of people will be answering for their actions. This could be judgment day. This could be Armageddon.'
'I've gotta say, I just feel sorry for the poor guy. Why couldn't they leave him dead? He looked so peaceful. Now he's deformed and kind of gory and I just wouldn't want to live like that. How can he have a normal life? Why would they do that to somebody? He didn't ask to come back. They should've left him alone. Nobody should have to go through that.'
'I didn't actually watch the interview, but we're having a Going Out of Business sale here at Walt's Furniture and everything must go! Save thirty, forty, even fifty percent on all items in our store! Our doors close on Sunday, so don't miss out!'
'I think it's ghoulish. Sick people doing sick things to entertain other sick people. Disgusting.'
'My question is, why Stanley Dabernath? If we have the power to bring the dead back to life, why not start with Einstein? Why not Shakespeare? Abraham Lincoln? It seems to me that you're low-balling the whole miracle by wasting it on some sleazy film distributor living in a trailer park. Even if you argue that there's not enough left of Lincoln to resurrect-which there probably isn't, I'll admit-there have to be other people who died recently who are much more worthy subjects. Why not a brilliant musician, or a physicist, or an inventor, or even a social worker who volunteers all of her time to help people? Why bring this loser back? What's he going to contribute to the world?'
'My uncle, he was into this cryogenics stuff. He was always like 'They're gonna freeze my body when I die and bring me back to life in a thousand years and I'll get to see the future!' And we were all like, yeah, right. It wasn't even gonna be his whole body, just his head. And we're all laughing at him and he's getting all pissed off and he runs out the door and he gets smushed by a pizza delivery truck. Not even enough left of his head to freeze. Sucked to be him.'
'If you discover a way to bring my mother-in-law back, please, I'm begging you, don't! Ha ha, I'm just kidding, honey.'
'I'm already sick of hearing about him. Mr. Corpse this, Mr. Corpse that, blah, blah, blah. He's so overrated. I'll bet you anything he runs for office. That's just what we need; a zombie in the white house. Oooh, let me get right to those voting booths now!'
'It's witchcraft. Science can't bring dead people back to life so that they retain their memories, their personalities. How is he talking? How is he moving? There's something unholy going on here.'
'Mr. Corpse is a homo.'
'No, you're a homo.'
'No, you're a homo.'
'You thought Mr. Corpse had a nice butt.'
'Oh, that's just wrong!'
'You did! I saw you checking out his butt on TV!'
'He was sitting down the whole time, homo!'
'I'm not necessarily against the whole idea of what they've done, but I wonder if they tested for all possible side effects. I hope they keep him on a leash when he's out in public.'
'The whole thing makes me miss my wife Megan. She passed away on the same day that Stanley Dabernath did, and I'd give anything to have her back. A lot of people are going to ridicule Stanley for the way he looks, but I bet there are plenty of people who love him, no matter what. I'd want Megan back. Unconditionally.'
