and hastened to the aid of his father who was surrounded by Britons, though Vespasian maintained that he would have managed well enough on his own.
Seneca considered these perpetual petty wars in Britain both pointless and dangerous, for in his opinion the loan he had made the British kings created peace in the country more effectively than punitive expeditions which were nothing but a burden on the treasury. Nero permitted Vespasian to take up the office of Consul for a few months, appointed him to a distinguished College and later had him chosen as Proconsul in Africa for the customary term of office.
When we met in Rome, Vespasian looked at me appraisingly. “You’ve changed a great deal-over the years, Minutus Manilianus,” he said, “and I don’t just mean the scars on your face either. When you were In Britain, I wouldn’t have believed that we should be related by your marrying my niece. But a young man makes more progress in Rome than by gelling rheumatism for life in Britain and marry now and again the Britons’ way.”
I had almost forgotten my nominal marriage in the Iceni country. The meeting with Vespasian reminded me unpleasantly of my painful experiences there, and I begged him to remain silent on the point.
“What legionary hasn’t bastards in the countries of the world?” he said. “But your hare priestess, Lugunda, has not married again. She is bringing up your son in the Roman way. The noblest Icenis are that civilized already.”
The news hurt, for my wife Sabina showed no sign nor even desire to bear me a child, and we had not slept together with that intention for a long time. But I chased away my disturbing thoughts of Lugunda as
I had done before, and Vespasian willingly agreed to keep my British marriage secret, for he knew of his niece’s harsh nature.
At the banquet which my father-in-law held in Vespasian’s honor, I met Lollia Poppaea for the first time. It was said that her mother had been the most beautiful woman in Rome and had attracted Claudius’ attention to such an extent that Messalina had had her removed from the rolls of the living, though I did not believe all the evil things that were still said about Messalina.
Poppaea’s father, Lollius, as a youth had belonged to the circle of friends around Sejanus and so was eternally out of favor. Lollia Poppaea was married to a rather insignificant knight called Crispinus and used her grandfather’s, Poppaeus Sabinus, name instead of her father’s. Her grandfather had been a Consul and had also celebrated a triumph in his day.
So Poppaea was related to Flavius Sabinus, but in such an involved way, as was usual in the Roman nobility, that I never quite fathomed how. Aunt Laelia’s memory was often faulty and she often confused different people. When I greeted Poppaea Sabina, I said I was sorry that my wife Sabina had nothing else but a name in common with her.
Poppaea innocently opened wide her dark gray eyes. I noticed later that their color changed according to her mood and the light.
“Do you think I’m so old and experienced after one childbirth that I cannot even be compared with my maidenly Artemis cousin Sabina?” she said, deliberately misunderstanding me. ‘We are the same age, Sabina and I.”
My head whirled as I looked into her eyes.
“No,” I protested. “I mean you’re the most modest and decent married woman I have seen in Rome, and I can only be amazed at your beauty, now I have seen you for the first time without your veil.”
“I have to wear a veil out in the sun because my skin is so delicate,” said Poppaea Sabina with a shy smile. “I envy your Sabina, who can stand as muscular and sunburned as Diana, cracking her whip in the heat of the arena.”
“She is not my Sabina, even if we are married according to the longer form,” I said bitterly. “She is the Sabina of the lion-tamers and Sabina of the lions, and her language becomes coarser and coarser every year.”
“Remember, we are related, she and I,” said Poppaea Sabina warningly. “Nevertheless, I’m not the only person in Rome to wonder why such a sensitive person as you chose Sabina of all people, when you could have had anyone else.”
I indicated my surroundings and implied that there were other reasons besides mutual liking for a marriage, and Flavia Sabina’s father was the Prefect of Rome and her uncle had earned a triumph. I do not know how it came about, but roused by Poppaea’s shy presence I began to talk about one thing and another, and it was not long before Pop-paea shyly admitted that she was unhappy in her wretched marriage with the conceited Praetorian centurion.
“One asks for more in a man than a haughty mien, shining armor and red plumes,” she said. “I was an innocent child when I was given to him in marriage. I am not strong, as you see. My skin is so delicate that I have to bathe it every day with wheaten bread soaked in ass’s milk.”
But she was not quite so young and weak as she maintained, and I felt this as she unwittingly pressed one breast against my elbow. Her skin was so marvelously white that I had never seen anything like it before and could find no words to describe it. I mumbled the usual things about gold, ivory and Chinese porcelain, but I think my eyes bore witness to how enraptured I was by her young beauty.
We could not talk for long, for I had to see to my many duties as son-in-law at my father-in-law’s banquet. But I fulfilled them absentmind-edly and could think of nothing else but Poppaea’s deep gray eyes and shimmering complexion. I stumbled, too, as I read out the ancient oaths to the guardian spirits of the house.
Finally my wife Sabina drew me to one side.
“Your eyes are quite rigid and your face is red,” she said acidly, “as if you were drunk, although there has been little wine drunk yet. Don’t get entangled in Lollia Poppaea’s intrigues. She’s a calculating little bitch, and she has her price, but I’m afraid it’s too high for a fool like you.”
I was angry on Poppaea’s behalf, for her behavior was quite innocent and one could not possibly mistake it. At the same time, Sabina’s offensive remark excited me secretly and made me think that perhaps I had some hope if I were tactful enough to become closer acquainted with Poppaea.
In a brief pause in my duties I approached her again, which was not difficult since other women obviously avoided her and the men had once again gathered around the guest of honor to listen to his unvarnished stories from Britain.
To my dazzled eyes, Poppaea looked like an abandoned child, however proudly she tried to hold up her blonde head. I felt a great tenderness for her, but when I tried to. brush her bare arm she jerked back, turned away and gave me a look which reflected deep disappointment.
“Is that all you want, Minutus?” she whispered bitterly. “Are you like all other men, although I hoped I had found a friend in you. Don’t you see why I prefer hiding my face behind a veil to exposing myself to lustful stares? Remember I am married, although if I could get a divorce, I could feel free.”
I assured her that I would rather open my veins than hurt her in any way. She was near to tears and leaned against me in exhaustion so that I could feel her body against mine. From what she said, I understood that she did not have the money for a divorce and in fact only the Emperor could dissolve her marriage, for she was a patrician. But she knew no one in the Palace who was influential enough to be able to put her case before Nero.
“I have experienced the meanness of all men,” she said. “If I turn to a stranger for help he would just make the most of my defenseless position. If only I had a real friend who would be content with my eternal gratitude without offending my modesty.”
The end of the story was that I saw her home from the banquet. Her husband, Crispinus, willingly gave his permission so that he himself could get drunk in peace. They were so poor they did not even have a sedan of their own outside, so I offered Poppaea ours. She hesitated at first but then allowed me to sit by her so that I felt her proximity all the way.
In the end we did not go directly to the Praetorian garrison area, for the night was beautiful and clear and Poppaea was as tired of the smell of sweat in the camp as I was of the stench from the menagerie. From the nearest hillside, we looked across at the view over the lights of the bazaars. In some strange way, we ended up at my house on Av-entine, for Poppaea wished to ask Aunt Laelia something about her poor father. But Aunt Laelia had of course gone to bed and Poppaea could not bring herself to awaken her at that late hour. So we sat together and drank a little wine as we watched the dawn breaking over Palatine. We dreamed of how things might be if she, and I too, were free.
Poppaea leaned trustfully against me and told me she had always longed for pure unselfish friendship, although she had never found it. After I had pleaded with her, she agreed to accept a considerable sum of money as
