Neverisms

list that was true for him at age seventy-five. You’ll find a few more McKenna quotations in other chapters, but here are several more from his book:

Never deny a woman who says that she has nothing to wear.

Never ask the doctor, “If I were your son, what would you do?”

Never answer “yes” when someone stops

in the middle of a joke to ask, “Have you heard this one?”

Never forget the power of silence,

the massively disconcerting pause which goes on and on

and may at last induce an opponent to babble and backtrack nervously.LANCE MORROW, in a 1981 Time magazine essay

Never answer an angry word with an angry word.

It’s the second one that makes the quarrel.W. A. “DUB” NANCE

Nance, a real estate agent and Methodist minister, served for a number of years as “corporate chaplain” of the Holiday Inn hotel chain. In the 1970s, he and a nationwide network of clergymen provided crisis counseling and spiritual guidance to hotel guests. In The Civility Solution (2008), P. M. Forni echoed the theme: “Never respond to rudeness with rudeness.”

Never do a friend a dirty trick.GEORGE JEAN NATHAN, from his “Code of Life”

I’ve long admired people who can describe a personal code of life in a few well-phrased lines. Nathan, a celebrated American theater critic, did this in a spectacular way in his 1952 book The World of George Jean Nathan. I think you’ll enjoy the complete piece, which also contains a few other neverisms:

My code of life and conduct is simply this:

work hard, play to the allowable limit,

disregard equally the good and bad opinion of others,

never do a friend a dirty trick,

eat and drink what you feel like when you feel like,

never grow indignant over anything. . .

learn to play at least one musical instrument and then play it only in private,

never allow one’s self even a passing thought of death,

never contradict anyone or seek to prove anything to anyone

unless one gets paid for it in cold, hard coin,

live the moment to the utmost of its possibilities,

treat one’s enemies with polite inconsideration,

avoid persons who are chronically in need,

and be satisfied with life always but never with one’s self.

Never tell anybody anything

unless you’re going to get something better in return.SARA PARETSKY

The words come from V. I. Warshawski, Paretsky’s tough-talking female private eye, in Deadlock (1984). She called it “Rule number something or another.”

Never try to outsmart a woman, unless you are another woman.WILLIAM LYON PHELPS

If you’re a man, the implication should be clear. Phelps, a noted scholar and professor of English at Yale for forty-one years, was famous for his pithy observations and clever remarks.

Never try to make any two people like each other.EMILY POST, in her classic 1922 book on etiquette

Never ask a single woman, “Why aren’t you married?”RONDA RICH

In a 2010 article in Georgia’s Gwinnett Daily Post, Rich said the question can be flattering when asked by a man who is sending the message, “So, how on earth is it that you’re not married yet? What is wrong with the men of this world?” But when a woman, especially a married woman, asks the question, the message is usually, “What’s wrong with you?”

Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn’t have the power to say yes.ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

This is a popular quotation, but I have not been able to verify it. Mrs. Roosevelt is one of the most quoted women in history, but many sayings attributed to her are slightly altered versions of what she actually said or wrote. For example, she is also widely quoted as saying, “Never turn your back on life,” but this has not been found in her writings or speeches. The closest I’ve seen appeared in the preface to her 1960 autobiography, where she wrote, “Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.”

Never try to look into both eyes at the same time.

Switch your gaze from one eye to the other.

That signals warmth and sincerity.DOROTHY SARNOFF

Sarnoff was a successful opera singer and Broadway star who launched an even more successful second career as a speech coach and image consultant to business executives, celebrities, and politicians. In 2008, her obituary in the New York Times said, “She helped President Carter to lower the wattage of his smile.” Her 1987 book on public speaking was titled Never Be Nervous Again.

Never believe anything a person tells you about himself.

A man comes to believe in the end lies he tells about himself to himself.GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, quoted by Stephen Winsten

in Days with Bernard Shaw (1949)

This is the way the line appeared when it was first presented to the world, but many quotation books present it as “Never believe anything a writer tells you about himself.” The reason for this now seems clear. In Cass