As Strauss was putting the finishing touches on the Jameson book, he was approached by his editor about looking into an online community of pickup artists who claimed they could turn an “average frustrated chump” into a “chick magnet.” The idea appealed to Strauss both professionally and personally. As a short, balding, bespectacled, shy, workaholic writer, he saw the assignment as a way to fix a longstanding problem in his life. He later said:
After laying out $500 to attend a weekend workshop for aspiring pickup artists (PUAs), Strauss came face-to-face with the workshop leader, a Toronto magician who went by the name of Mystery. Mystery was anything but handsome. According to Strauss, he looked like a combination of a vampire and a computer geek. But his incredible success with women had made him a kind of deity in the PUA community. Intrigued by Mystery’s tales of seduction, Strauss decided to study at the feet of the master. Within a few months, he moved into a Sunset Strip mansion with Mystery and a number of other master PUAs, adopted the nickname Style, and began to apply his workaholic research skills to his new assignment.
Strauss quickly learned such tricks of the trade as “the three-second rule,” which says a man must approach a woman within three seconds of seeing her (wait any longer, the rule goes, and you may chicken out). Early in his research, Strauss also learned another important principle:
Never approach a woman from behind.
The rule was explained: “Always come in from the front, but at a slight angle so it’s not too direct and confrontational. You should speak to her over your shoulder, so it looks like you may walk away at any minute.” As Strauss’s learning progressed, he was provided with additional rules:
Never give a woman a straight answer to a question.
Never hit on a woman right away.
Start with a disarming, innocent remark.
Never begin by asking a question that requires a yes or no response.
At the end of a year, Strauss learned his lessons so well that he became one of the most successful PUAs in his strange little fraternity. He ultimately told his “Ugly Duckling to Prince Charming” tale in
Guidelines about sex, love, and romance—expressed neveristically—have also been authored by women. Some of the best have come from Cynthia Heimel, a columnist for many years at
Never, under any circumstances, ever go to bed
with a man you’ve just met in a bar.
Or any man you hardly know. No matter what.
There is no equivocation in this advice. Earlier in the book, though, Heimel had a little fun answering the question “Should you sleep with a man on the first date?” She immediately answered, “No, you should not, no matter what.” But then, after proclaiming, “This is a hard-and-fast rule. There are no exceptions,” she concludes unexpectedly: “Unless you really want to.” Her book also contained other admonitions, some expressed in unforgettable ways:
Never ask if it’s in yet.
Never, ever talk about how good you are in bed.
Never try to establish a successful flirtation when your hair is a mess.
Never spend more than an hour and a half cleaning your apartment for a fellow.
You must never fake an orgasm.
Faking an orgasm is an act of self-degradation.
No area of life is filled with more mistakes and missteps than the world of sex, love, and romance. As a result, there are few arenas filled with more cautionary warnings, dissuasive advice, or proclamations about what one should never do. Let’s continue our look at them in the rest of the chapter.
Never confuse “I love you” with “I want to marry you.”CLEVELAND AMORY,
Never be rude in a bar, because the guy you snub tonight
could be your job interviewer tomorrow.DAN ANDERSON & MAGGIE BERMAN,
Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man
Never date a man prettier than yourself.ELIZABETH ANDERSON
Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head.ANONYMOUS
Often described as “advice to teenage boys,” these words have been delivered by countless fathers, coaches, and other authority figures speaking frankly to hormone-driven young men. The saying has been around for many decades, but it always enjoys a resurgence of popularity when a powerful or high-status male falls from grace after an embarrassing or calamitous affair. There are a number of other anonymous neverisms in the category of sex, love, and romance. Here are some of my favorites:
Never bag on another man’s fetish.ANONYMOUS
Urbandictionary.com describes this modern “code of conduct” this way:
Never kiss by the garden gate.
Love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.ANONYMOUS RHYME
“Never Let a Sailor Lad an Inch Above Your Knee”ANONYMOUS ENGLISH FOLK SONG
This is the title of a bawdy nineteenth-century English folk song. Why should a fair maiden heed such advice? The lyric below, from a sad-but-wiser woman, explains why:
