“Right there in the kitchen, I did as she said. I pulled up my skirt, way up above my waist, slid down my panties, and bent over on the counter. My bottom felt so bare, and it was so humiliating. I blushed and blushed, and all the time I felt humiliated and was blushing I just enjoyed it.
Swoosh! She stung me on the backside and I yelped. It burned like mad. It hurt, and I mean it really hurts, but I liked it. Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish!
” 'Oh, Eileen, please, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!' I wailed. I sobbed and wriggled my bottom.
“'Are you going to do that again?'
“'No, Eileen, no, please, please, please don't!'
“She was driving me wild. My pussy was just dripping. Oh, it was painful and sweet all at the same time. Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish! Boy, what a spanking she gave me!
“I was really crying, and I'm not fooling one bit when I say it hurt, because it did. But the funny thing about the whole thing was that I knew that she wasn't really mad at all and that she was actually loving me this way, and that as much as it hurt I really dug it. I've read about masochists, and I know about this flagellation stuff, but, again, I'd never thought I was one of those. I must really be queer. I seem to like just about everything that's way out. But I guess that's the way I am, though.
“What happened after the spanking was really a gas. Eileen led me into the bedroom, making me keep holding my dress up. Then she sat down on the bed and drew me over her lap so that my-bare bottom was right there in front of her. On the way in I got a glimpse of my ass in the mirror and it was all red and streaked, and, somehow, that got me excited, too. Gosh, sex is funny! The nuttiest things can turn you on.
“Anyhow, there I was over her lap, feeling like I was about eight years old and she was my mom. I sort of liked that feeling. My bottom was stinging like mad. I thought she'd probably paddle me some more, and I didn't know whether or not I could stand it, but I decided that I'd just have to.
“Instead, something else happened. I felt her very gently rubbing salve over my flesh back there, cool, soothing salve, and then she started cooing to me real gentle, as if she hadn't paddled me at all, but that it had been some other mean and brutal woman, and she was a very gentle, kind, and loving big sister.
“'Poor little Karen,' she whispered over and over again. 'Poor baby, sweet baby. Oh, I love you so much… I'll take away all the sting and hurt.'
“That was wonderful. I liked it more than I did the paddling, although I had to admit that the two went together, and that this wouldn't be half as nice if there wasn't the paddling first. Gradually my cheeks cooled down and the sting and burn subsided.
“I thought that would probably be all to this little episode, but something else happened. I felt something hard and thick push between my buttocks and press against my anus. I gasped when it suddenly slid in, and when I looked back to see what she was doing to me I saw that she was pushing the nozzle of a douche syringe, one of those bulb deals, up my backside. It hurt a little, like the dildoe, but I was getting real used to that now. I think my sphincter muscles were relaxing more now. Anyway, the sensation was terrific. I pressed up with my bottom to help her get it in. Oh, how I wanted it in. And as she slid it up to the hilt she squeezed the bulb and squirted the water up my rectum. Oooooh, it was such a wonderful enema. I just came on the spot I was so excited. I kept moaning and moaning, begging her to push it in and give me more. She had a pan by the bed with soapy water in it, and after filling the syringe a second time she pushed it up me again and squeezed. That was more than I could stand and I came a second time. By then I had to go desperately.
“That evening, after we went to bed, Eileen made love to me again, just the same as the last time. She cuddled me in her arms, made me feel like a little kid in a way, and also like a very helpless and beautiful girl in the arms of a very strong man. She could make me feel one way or the other. She whispered in my ear in this sort of husky voice, kissed me, and let her tongue push between my teeth and into my mouth; she then started biting my breasts, just the nipples, and massaging them. Then she started in on me with the dildoe, rammed it up my backside, and I do mean rammed, and pumped me like fury. It hurt like blazes. I felt like she was ripping me apart.
“'Ow! Ohhhhhhhhhh. Ow! Owwwwwwwww!' I moaned. But I loved it. In fact, I liked it better when she was brutal with me than when she was gentle. I came twice.”
Frank Caprio's Female Homosexuality mentions situations resembling Karen's, although seldom with the anal component. The desire to be hurt is frequently encountered among submissive lesbians, and usually takes the form of flagellation. Karen, as noted, discovered a fondness for the latter, perhaps because it fulfilled the earlier desire when she witnessed another child being punished. In Karen's case, anal eroticism is combined with masochism and homosexuality. The latter impulses were aroused by the prostitute in London, the former by a spanking incident when she was very young.
Several reasons probably account for her anal-ism. In the Introduction, several of her anal experiences were noted; her submission to sodomy with her cousin, and the stimulus from enemas. Unquestionably, she is very sensitive in the anal zone. Her lack of interest in vaginal stimulus, indeed, her repugnance toward it, is interesting. Karen has reversed the usual attitudes. To most people, and women in particular, everything connected with the anus is repulsive and unpleasant. Normally speaking, there is disgust, especially in our culture, because the anus is associated with feces, unpleasant odors, and waste. To Karen, however, her anus is clean. She does not think of feces at all; as with nearly all anal erotics, there is no coprophilia. Instead, she is repelled by the vagina because of menstruation which disgusts her and also the normal secretions from the mucous membranes. Karen does not regard her vagina as a primary erogenous zone; indeed, to her, it is scarcely an erogenous zone at all.
What is most important, however, is Karen's homosexuality. During early puberty she was bisexual, a common enough feature in young girls. But her development was toward homosexuality rather than away from it. These tendencies were not conscious but subliminal. They recurred in dreams, which, in turn, triggered the desire for homosexual anal assault, and which led to the important episode in London when she submitted to anal penetration by the prostitute.
This incident, more pleasurable in reality than she had anticipated, confirmed her anal homosexuality and put her clearly in that camp. Previous experiences were experimental and were not necessarily deviate since it was not clear that she preferred them to genital heterosexual intercourse. The incident in London produced deviation. After it, she was no longer bisexual, which is really modified homosexuality, but entirely homosexual. She did not desire the attentions of men after that experience but wanted to assume the submissive role with a dominant woman.
Her homosexuality created problems. For one thing, it took some time for Karen to accept it, to identify herself as a homosexual without excessive pangs of guilt. She remained somewhat uncommitted on this score when she placed the ad. She tried to convince herself that her real motivation was loneliness, and she did not make her homosexual desires explicit. She continued to regard homosexuality as a shameful thing, even more so than her analism. Some of this is no doubt because homosexuality is the most common deviation and homosexuals are subject to considerable social disapproval whereas analism by itself is comparatively uncommon and receives little public attention. In her case, however, there were no religious or moral conflicts. Karen does not disapprove of sexual deviation, believes in permissiveness, and follows the approach of others in her generation who subscribe to the philosophy of Henry Miller's Tropic of Capricorn and moral individualism in the realm of sex. She believes that everybody should do their own thing. Since she held this position intellectually, it was easy for her to adjust to being a homosexual, and to admit this fact to herself without undue guilt feelings. Karen does not have a guilt complex.
The experiment with the ad proved very successful. Through it Karen was fortunate enough to find another girl who was both congenial and dominant. What was established, in consequence, was a kind of pair bond, an unofficial marriage. The two girls approached each other cautiously, as though they were man and woman, and, after suitable preliminaries, indulged in what amounts to sexual intercourse. The fact that the physical aspects of their sexual union became anal and involved the use of the dildoe and other instruments is really of very little importance. It was intercourse, and it involved love, the union of two persons physically and psychically.
According to Frederick Redlich and Daniel Freedman's Theory and Practice of Psychiatry, abnormal behavior can be classified into four broad categories: neurosis, psychosis, psychopathy, and deviation. Deviates are not necessarily neurotic, or, if they are, their neuroses might be based on very different grounds than their abnormal sex problems. Karen is an excellent example of this. She is an effective person, intelligent, competent, able to relate to other people, and quite capable of warmth in her affective life. She is really a fairly normal person who happens
