fascination.
“The doorbell chimed. I leaped up, touched my hair in the mirror, and then hurried to answer, smoothing my skirt as I did.
“'Hello,' I said, trying to sound very calm.
“The young nurse-I guess she was around twenty-two-smiled, nodded, and came in.
“'Don't be scared,' she said. 'I won't bite.'
“'Friend or enema?' I asked brightly, remembering a stupid joke.
“'Maybe a little of both,' she said, smiling wryly. She put on a white apron from the black bag. 'Okay,' she said. 'Where's the bathroom?'
“I led the way and she closed the door behind us, then laid her bag on the little three-legged stool in the corner.
“'You can start getting undressed,' she said in a matter-of-fact way. 'Take off your skirt, your panties, slip, and shoes.'
“I gulped and then, very slowly, started undoing the zipper on the side of my skirt, let it fall, stepped out of it, then took down my half-slip, stepped out of my loafers, and, last of all, took off my panties. I was trembling all over by then, and watched her make her preparations to assault me with fascination.
“She took out a coil of soft rubber tube and a funnel from her bag, and then asked for a pitcher or pan or something to pour water from.
“'I'll get one,' I volunteered helpfully, forgetting that I was nude from the waist down.
“She glanced at me and laughed. 'Maybe you'd better let me.'
“'In the kitchen on the second shelf of the cupboard,' I said.
“I was really ready for it when she came back. Just standing there with my bottom bare and staring at the tube she was going to stick up me was enough. I hoped that I wouldn't let on what I was getting out of the enema by anything I said, or let her get the idea that the whole thing was pure sex to me.
“'Now,' she said, 'I think the best thing is for you to kneel down on the rug, okay?'
“'Okay,' I murmured, and did.
“'Now lean forward and rest your head right on the rug-and you can just fold your arms under your head. Is that comfortable?'
“'I'm okay,' I whispered.
“This was very exciting. My bare backside was up and felt so vulnerable. Oh, boy, did I want it now!
“'I guess this is bottoms up,' she said with a laugh. 'Now,' she said, 'take a deep breath and hold it.'
“I sighed as I felt the soft tube slide through my anus and push very swiftly up my rectum. Oh, it felt so nice, so much better than doing it myself. I wished she'd just keep pushing it in and pushing it in, right up through me until it came out my mouth.
“'How far up will the tube go?' I asked curiously as I felt the water squirt in.
“'What do you mean?' she laughed.
“'Oh, I just wondered how far up it can be pushed.'
“'It's hard to get it up very high,' she said, “because it coils, but if you're very careful you can run it in as far as the cecum-that's the turn in the large bowel.'
“'Oh,' I replied, relaxing pleasurably as the water gurgled in me. It gave me cramps, I didn't mind. I would liked to have had the tube run up higher, but I didn't dare ask. It wasn't really an ecstatic feeling. I wouldn't come, but it was just pleasant, very pleasant, and it was especially nice to have someone do something to you back there when you're all bare. The fact that she was a perfect stranger and that it was all sort of embarrassing made it all the more exciting. I was sorry when it was over and she pulled the tube out. It had really been nice.
“'Did it work all right?' she asked professionally.
“'Yes, I feel much better now.'
“She nodded, cleaned her apparatus, packed it away, and prepared to leave.
“'You must get a doctor's order next time,' she said very seriously.
“'Yes'm,' I replied.
“I watched her walk down to her car and then drive off. I was very tired now, but although I hadn't come or anything, the enema had been very satisfying. I wished that I could just call and have a nurse come and give me one when I really wanted it, but I knew that this was a one and only deal.
“The one big thing I'd learned out of it, though, was that lonely sex is no good. You have to have a partner. I wondered if I was a lesbian, but then I asked myself, suppose the nurse had been male? Oh, then I would have liked it ten times more and I'd probably come the moment he touched me. Sure, I'd rather have a boy do it, a boy like Billy, but how could I ever meet one? The one other thing that I knew now was that I really only wanted to do it in the rear. The whole idea of doing it in front sort of disgusted me, like I suppose rear-end sex does normal people.
“My dreams came true just after I turned eighteen and was going to the U. Who should be there but friend Billy! Wow! I almost flipped when I saw him. He was obviously delighted when he saw me; we hung around the Student Union with the kids a while, and then he said: 'How about a show?'
“He'd filled out quite a bit now, was pretty muscular, and he told me that he was turning out for football. I could see girls I knew eyeing us curiously, and me enviously, as we left the Union and headed for his jalopy. It was some jalopy, too, a really flashy bright yellow Mustang.
“All through dinner down at Waikiki, and after the show afterwards, we talked about everything except that time when we were on the raft over at Lanikai. I wondered if he remembered it the way I did, or whether he thought it was kid stuff or dirty or something. Anyway, I found out.
“After the movie we drove around a while and pretty soon we were parked up on Tantalus where you could see the whole city all lit up. It was really beautiful.
“'Remember that time when we were out on the raft,' he whispered. His hand was on my breast, massaging very gently, and I just snuggled in his arms.
“'Uh-huh.'
“'Want to do it again?'
“'I'd love to,' I murmured.
“He kissed me and we necked some more. I was really excited. A few moments later we were in the back seat; I was kneeling down with my dress way up and my panties down.
“'Ohhhh, Billy,' I moaned as he slid his penis up my rectum. It hurt. I wanted it to hurt. He kept pushing it in and in. It was unbelievable how big it was, how huge, and how it just came up in me, way up in.
“Then he started to pump, in and out, in and out. I could almost hear it clicking back and forth in my rectum. I knelt and pushed back with my bottom and he pushed forward, driving his prick all the way up my rectum as far as it would go. It felt like it was going up a mile. Then I'd pull forward, and he'd pull back, almost all the way out; the next plunge would come immediately. With all his strength. And boy was he strong. He'd just drive it up through me.
“'Ooooh! Oooooh! Oooooh! It feels good!' I kept moaning over and over again. I was just in ecstasy. It was better than anything, better than the first time he did it to me, better than the enemas, or candles or anything. I knew that I just had to have this a lot. I just had to. And, oh, how I loved him. I just loved him so much for making me feel so good!
“He plunged it up me again and I felt the warm juice spurt in me, giving me a terrific semen enema, and at that moment, I came myself.
“Well, that's the end of my story and also the beginning. Billy and I got married, and every night I get bunged up the rear. I just love it and love him. We feel we're pretty lucky to both be queer the same way.”
Peggy is very fortunate. Unless she found a mate like Billy, who shared her particular deviation, it would have been impossible for her to enjoy a full sex experience in marriage. Quite probably she would not have married at all. Masturbation is not morally reprehensible nor is it physiologically damaging; it does, however, have psychological consequences, among them the fact that the masturbator is a lonely person and his masturbation increases his isolation. As Caprio suggests, “It is the person's attitude toward it and the nature of the phantasies that determine whether it will affect one's health. Neurotic feelings of guilt associated with the act may cause certain individuals considerable anxiety.”
