near Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. There they could build bears by stuffing them with meaningful colored beans: yellow for laughter, green for imagination, blue for friendship, red for love, and purple for bravery.
“I was helping Nathan fill the bear, thinking he might want a full rainbow of beans,” Sandy said. Nathan only wanted two colors: red and purple.
“Mom, this bear is for Dad. I want it filled with love so that Dad is filled with love. So he knows God loves him, we love him and that he has all the love he needs. Dad needs a lot of courage right now, so the rest is for courage,” Nathan said quietly with earnest eyes.
“I managed to choke out something along the lines of ‘his bear being just perfect.’ Needless to say, we did not fill the bear with many of the other colors.”
“As I carry this story in my heart, I realized that for all of my expertise in the human heart, Nathan knew with the simplicity of a child what was needful and really counted. His words expressed a love so pure that it hurt in its blinding brilliance.”
Nathan named the bear Mark Bear. It stayed with him for a long time, quietly going where we went, and in Nathan’s arms every night. Anna and Nathan also sent a tiny bear to Mark from Boyds Bears that day as a symbol of the bears waiting at home for him. When Mark returned in October 2005, Mark Bear faded onto the shelf of beloved but no longer necessary toys. The bears took Mark and Nathan to the other side of a very long year.
Thank you for speaking to the heart in remarkable ways.
“For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45b)
February 14
LETTING GO
One of the hardest moments for Captain Amy Malugani was the day she had to let her Marines go forward to their assigned units. Her public affairs team separated and spread throughout two Marine infantry regiments in November 2004 to clear the booby-trapped city of Fallujah that had been under complete insurgent control after the first attempt to take the city had stalled in April 2004.
“We had synergy. Our personalities matched our work ethics and motivations. It was an amazing team,” Malugani explained.
In the early months of her first tour (August 2004 to March 2005) Malugani served as the public affairs officer for the 1st Force Service Support Group (1st FSSG), which provided logistical support for more than 25,000 Marines and Sailors in al Anbar province. The job of Malugani’s team was to tell their story: internally through documentation and externally through reporters.
In October 2004 Malugani received the call from higher headquarters. Her team would push with the infantry unit into Fallujah. They spread throughout Regimental Combat Team 7 (RCT-7) and RCT-1 to assist about forty embedded reporters covering the battle. The insurgents had grossly inflated the number of civilian casualties during the stalled April push. Getting an accurate story out to the Iraqis and the rest of the world was even more important the second time around.
“I wanted to go and be with those Marines, my team, but I had to let them go and trust, all would be well,” Malugani said, noting that she watched battalion and unit movements from RCT-7 headquarters on the skirts of the city. And while she kept her eye closely on the situation reports that documented the names of casualties, Malugani stayed focus on doing her job with excellence.
“I admired how well the public affairs team seamlessly integrated into all these different facets of the Marine Corps ground, aviation, logistics operating with generals in one moment and then with little notice operating on the front lines with infantry lance corporals.”
The battle was block-by-block fighting Marines kicking in doors. One block might be filled with smoke from a full-scale battle while at the same time another might be calm, filled with Marines distributing food. Although it was hard letting her team go, the situation was beyond her control. She had to trust.
“You do your part and there’s just a higher power, a divine order. There is enough grace to deal with whatever comes next.”
Thank you for giving us the measure of grace we need, moment by moment.
“But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” (Ephesians 4:7)
February 15
REALITIES
One of the greatest challenges for Captain Amy Malugani was mentally preparing for high alert situations. “Knowing that I had the capacity to do whatever it took to keep myself and someone else alive was difficult. I did have to provide security, but I didn’t have to fire my weapon personally, even though there were some close calls. Everyone has that instinct to protect themselves and those around them. Your defense mechanism kicks in,” she noted.
Battlefield realities reveal humanity’s primal state. Everyone wants to get out alive. Surprisingly, reality was sometimes better than expectations. “As my vehicle moved deeper into the city, I expected the stench to be overwhelming based on the death totals but to my dismay it was bearable.”
Sometimes reality was simply a matter of logistics and innovation. When the Marines raised the Iraqi and American flags in the city of Fallujah, there wasn’t a single investigative reporter around to capture the significant moment. A lieutenant used his mini DVD camera to film it. Unit by unit, they handed the recording back through the city in a wrapper from a ready-made-meal.
“Marines moved it from the center of the city to the logistics channel; I got it from the edge of the city and into headquarters. They used it in the press conference that night, and media outlets broadcasted it around the world.”
Sometimes the news media was abuzz with a different reality. A Los Angeles Times photographer captured a striking close-up of a Marine smoking a cigarette reminiscent of the Marlboro man commercials from decades past. Everyone wanted to know his name.
“This was a big deal back in the states. I was getting called to put a name with the famous face. It may appear simple; however reality proved otherwise in the midst of a battle with Marines on the move.”
“At other times reality was worse than expectations. Your brain doesn’t allow you to prepare for some things, such as suddenly being overwhelmed by a swarm of flies or a dog gnawing on a dead insurgent’s remains.
“You don’t allow yourself to imagine some of the sites you’re going to see. I’m a believer in being in the moment, being in the present. There’s always enough grace in the moment. It’s when I go into the past or into the future that anxiety or fear sets in. The grace is in the moment. I tapped into that a lot for strength and peace.”
Father, renew my heart. Help me to live in the present tense, trusting you for strength for whatever comes my way today.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)
