February 16
SCARED WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECTED IT
“The times I was scared they were the times I didn’t think I would be. The times I was relaxed were times people would think that I’d be scared.” These were the upside-down expectations that Captain Malugani had during the Battle of Fallujah in 2004.
She expected to be scared when she went on jump teams into Fallujah during the taking of the city, but she found calmness instead. “If I had to be any place, I would want to be with an infantry regiment. I was surrounded by a regimental combat team, hundreds of Marines. I felt very safe, protected. I felt surrendered to their expertise.” She also found strength in the experience of those around her.
“My colonel had more than twenty years in the military. I was with a gunner that had more than twenty years and a sergeant major who had more than twenty years. I had sixty years of experience with me every single day. With all that was going on in Iraq, it was not a safe place to be. But now with these three experienced Marines, I was in the safest place I could be.
“Early in my deployment, my mom asked me, ‘Are you safe?’”
“Well, it’s kind of relative, Mom. I’m in Iraq.”
During the Battle of Fallujah, Malugani found that she felt less safe during times of isolation in a tent that the Marines used for transient needs. “They put me in there because I was the only female with them. They were concerned for me, making sure I had space in a secure area. With no electricity and often rain beating down on the fifty-man tent, being alone was accompanied by irrefutable fear.”
She often longed to talk with her father, who had served as an Air Force paratroop rescuer in Vietnam because he would understand the things she was going through. Her grandfather served in the Army during World War II. Their service inspired Amy to join the military. Although she couldn’t always talk to her earthly fathers, she knew she could instantly turn to her heavenly father.
“When I would see things that were really challenging, I would remind myself that this is the now. I knew I would have an opportunity later, when there was time, to process what I was seeing as well as pray. I would remind myself that my expectations weren’t matching my reality and that was okay.”
Thank you for being a Father who is available to listen 24-7.
“About noon the following day as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray.” (Acts 10:9)
February 17
SURRENDER AND FREEDOM
During the Battle of Fallujah in November 2004, Captain Malugani’s lieutenant had moved through with an infantry battalion. On a day-trip into the city with her commanding officer, unexpectedly she was within walking distance to the lieutenant’s operation’s center.
“A reporter came up to me and said, ‘I want to tell you, I wouldn’t have gone through this city if it hadn’t been for your lieutenant. We were all scared to death, but his bravery convinced us to go with him.’”
The battlefield is a primal place. Everyone wants to get out alive, yet so much is beyond one’s control, such as incoming fire. News of casualties hit hard, such as the death of Sergeant Peralta who, while mortally injured, grabbed a grenade thrown by insurgents and saved the lives of the four Marines with him.
“The reporters who went in with us had to trust that we were going to take care of them. Everybody at some point has to surrender, to trust something bigger than self: the person next to them, the equipment, or God. But each individual had to learn to trust.”
“In my own life I just felt so free and surrendered. It’s like the serenity prayer: Change the things I can and accept the things I can’t. I tried to the best of my ability to change the things I could by overseeing public affairs in the very best way. Surrendering to the divine order, I’m doing my part, and the outcome is not really up to me.”
Captain Malugani found freedom in surrender. “Free in the sense of free to not free from. I was free to choose the way I was going to look at it, whether I was going to see grace, chaos, or both. I was free to be present or to shut down and suppress.”
“What I did witness out there was those who believed in a divine order and surrendered to it, had a calmness and contentment about them. Those who didn’t have a belief in a heavenly being tended to be upset. Many days I missed my family and wanted to go home; however, when I chose to put my trust in the divine order, I had the openness to process what I was seeing and experiencing.”
Thank you for the gift of brotherly love that is willing to make the greatest of sacrifices.
“If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:3)
February 18
PREPARATION
“In the midst of chaos there is also tremendous grace each moment. That is what I took with me into Fallujah. Serving with RCT-7, was one of the greatest experiences in my life,” Captain Amy Malugani explained.
Malugani came home from her first Iraq deployment in March 2005. She returned for her second deployment in July 2005. “God is always preparing us for something.”
Two years earlier Malugani was sent to the Philippines for an exercise that prepared her for Iraq. “While in the Philippines, I served with an infantry battalion thirteen hundred guys and two women. I was the only female officer. I couldn’t figure out why I was selected to accompany the unit at the time, but concluded that God was preparing me for something.
“That’s something I love about the Marine Corps. Unexpected situations and circumstances challenge an officer, we grow sometimes seamlessly and sometimes unwillingly with each experience. Each incident came in a different light allowing me to experience something new or to share my knowledge with someone in need.
“During my second tour in Iraq, my Marines went out west, while I remained at the headquarters with the commanding officer. The command element anxiously watched the operations unfold, praying our battalion would come back intact. This was not the case. I was devastated to learn that we had lost nine Marines. One casualty was a fellow officer, a great man with a smile that inspired everyone,” Malugani explained, noting that her faith upheld her when her friend was killed.
Throughout her deployments, Malugani took religious education courses for confirmation in her church. Her faith proved a safe place for her to be, even allowing her to cry during the time of loss. The Marines under Malugani turned to her for strength. She wondered if they felt more comfortable to let their guard down and cry in front of her
