grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:8–9a)
July 24
NOT IN BONDAGE
Today, Capt. Self’s PTSD is much less severe, but some symptoms still remain. He still has haunting dreams most nights, intrusive thoughts, and certain problems with anger. He still feels somewhat emotionally numb. While he used to wonder if complete healing was possible, he has since decided that answer doesn’t matter.
“I don’t know if it’s right to say, ‘I want to be healed from all this,’ because it’s a very humbling thing to be in this position and know that I’m being held in grace,” he said. “It equips me for better ministry and service. To wish away this thorn in my side would remove a significant portion of my testimony. It’s not that I have to be in bondage to PTSD. What matters is, now that I have it, what am I going to do with it?”
Self now works as a consultant on officer-training materials for the Army and is active in his own church’s military ministry, which serves one hundred military families in their three thousand-member church.
When Self was experiencing darker days with PTSD, members of his church reached out and listened to him. Now, he’s passing it along. “When soldiers come home, I’ll take them to breakfast or lunch as soon as I can,” he says. “They need people to be interested, to show that they care. If people think that the VA hospital will solve all the problems, they’ll overlook the greatest source of healing in any situation Jesus. The majority component for recovery is a spiritual solution, more than any secular clinical answer.”
Even as Capt. Self works toward healing, he realizes that his symptoms may never go away, and he has a peace about that. “Look at Job,” he said. “All that stuff happened to him, he did not deserve. He kept asking God why until God said, ‘Look, don’t ask me why until you understand why I laid the foundations of the earth. You need to be comfortable with my sovereignty.’”
Lord, teach me to be more interested in your character and sovereignty than I am in securing comfort for myself.
“Then Job replied to the LORD: ‘I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.’” (Job 42:1–2)
July 25
SAFETY IN GOD’S HAND
Most folks of my parents’ generation remember exactly where they were when they heard the news that JFK had been shot. For my generation, we remember where we were on September 11, 2001.
I sat in a roomful of women where we had gathered for Bible study. The church secretary interrupted our meeting to tell us what had happened and to ask us to pray, which we did immediately. Unaware of the extent of the attacks, we simply prayed for God’s providence to prevail, and asked him to comfort those affected by acts of terrorism.
Being a newlywed and rookie military wife, my first thought went to my husband. He had just become mission qualified, and was on his first long temporary duty trip (TDY) as a pilot on the C-5 Galaxy. He told me that he was in Egypt, and the crew carried ravens (military police officers) “just in case.” I hadn’t heard from him in a couple days.
I left Bible study, and raced to a nearby friend’s house to turn on the TV, where I saw images of Egyptians dancing in the streets and celebrating the demise of Americans. This was where my husband’s first mission had taken him.
I took a deep breath and whispered a silent prayer: “Lord, keep my husband from danger or harm. Bring him home safely. I’m not ready to be a widow. Yet, not my will, but yours be done.”
As I drove home, a large line of cars lined the highway nearing the exit to the base. Military police were searching vehicles and thoroughly checking ID’s, even to get into base housing. As I waited, my mind began to wander. Was he on the ground? In the air? Could he contact me?
When I arrived, the answering machine light blinked to indicate that I had a message. Thankfully, it was my sweet husband, telling me that he had been in the air en route to England when the attacks occurred. “Thank you, Lord.” I exhaled as I praised God for this good news. God had known my husband’s location all along safely in the palm of His capable hand.
Lord, keep me safely in the center of your will, even if dangers surround.
“The LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 121:8)
July 26
GOOD NEWS FROM BAGHDAD
As I watched the news coming over Armed Forces Network (AFN) in the dining hall on April 9, 2003, I saw the old statue of Saddam Hussein being toppled in the city square in Iraq. It was another “routine” day for me in Moron, Spain a convenient stopover for the C-5 Galaxy in Europe. We were carrying materials to support those men who were accomplishing the seemingly clean sweep through Iraq. It was business as usual, a sunny stopover, but this bright day had a little more shine on it with the good news from the front and an opportunity to write my wife:
“Looks like some good news from the front with Baghdad falling and statues toppling… I am proud that I got to contribute to the effort and even more grateful to my lovely, wonderful wife who supports me so much—you really do make my job easier knowing that you have a great attitude and want to support me however you can… I thank God for you and hope to be back home soon…”
Only eighteen days before, the victory was no sure bet. Our mission that night had us bound for Kuwait to drop off some support equipment for the 101st Airborne. From our vantage point above the Red Sea, we could see Naval vessels kicking off the “Shock & Awe” campaign by launching Cruise Missiles into Iraq. Once we arrived in Kuwait, we made several rushes to the bunkers, donning chemical defense gear, and anxiously awaiting the sirens to silence. As the threat dropped, we quickly prepared the aircraft for a return flight to Spain and left the theater uneventfully, wondering if more uncertain nights were on the horizon.
As it turned out, that is as perilous as my encounters with the enemy were. The long hours flying across the oceans and continents, constant uncertainty of alert schedules, and many days apart from family posed the more
