FUTURE GRACE
For several months during my tour I was assigned to a remote outpost along the Afghan/Pakistan border. I was assigned to teach, coach, mentor, train, and advise the leadership of the newly formed Afghan National Border Police.
I found myself several miles from Pakistan on a remote outpost with thirty-five border police soldiers living in conditions of no running water, no electricity, and very little contact with the outside world. For a period of time I was very lucky to be able to use our satellite phone for a five-minute phone call once or twice a week. It was during these times that I learned to rely on prayer to see me through. Feeling very much helpless I learned to lift up Amanda in prayer on a daily basis.
Throughout my deployment I chose two verses (Romans 8:18 and Romans 8:28) to recite when I was down and looking to encouragement. I would pray them and draw upon them for strength.
Romans 8:18 states, “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”
It is simply amazing when I pondered and reflected upon the future grace that our Lord and Savior would eventually pour out upon us. No matter how many bad days there were in Afghanistan, no matter how down I felt emotionally, no matter how much pain I experienced physically… all that was NOTHING compared to what good things were to come my way. As a believer in Christ, I believed that my suffering was nothing compared to the joy, grace, and love I would experience in a lifetime to come with Amanda as my wife and the love of my life. I took comfort in these verses on a deeper level. I used them to give me courage. If God decided to call me home during that year of service in Afghanistan, all the suffering I endured would be nothing compared to the promise of future grace and glory that is promised to me through faith in Christ Jesus.
Lord, when my shoulders droop with the weight of suffering, keep me steady with the promise of future grace.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
August 12
BACK ON THE HOME FRONT
During that year of deployment, I struggled when friends would complain about missing their husbands or boyfriends due to work or some other minor inconvenience. How can you be so inconsiderate knowing all the while that I would give anything just to be able to call Stuart? I thought as I stared at them in disbelief.
The hardest overall period of time was the weeks immediately following his arrival in Afghanistan. I was a wreck. I lived alone, had lost my job, and now felt like I had lost my other half. Adding to despair and confusion was the hard fact that I’d only known this man for a matter of months.
What if he really isn’t the one I’m going to marry? What if I still have feelings for him when R&R comes around, and he’s not in love with me anymore? What if he no longer thinks I’m pretty? What if I’m not a good enough Army girlfriend, and don’t send enough letters and care packages? All the questions wandered through my mind.
Of course none of this actually happened, but the feelings were real. I would alternate between consuming all the news I could find, and isolating myself from every media outlet, convincing myself that if I didn’t know about the bad stuff, it would not happen to Stuart. One time, newscaster Stone Phillips, commented on how the approaching spring was going to be a violent one for Afghanistan and the troops, with the Taliban promising a spring offensive. I stared defeated at the TV, and then let my imagination get the best of me, resulting in what felt like a panic attack. It was awful.
Another challenging time was in early spring when Stuart was sent to a remote outpost on the Afghan- Pakastani border. We went weeks and weeks without any communication. The only phone contact we had came from a SAT phone. He called me on Easter Sunday, and we talked for four minutes. Those four minutes made my week. Thank God for technology. Oftentimes I would marvel at how far we’ve come since just Desert Storm, nineteen years ago. How wives managed in World War II, I will never know.
Lord, grant me patience when my heart screams out for immediate deliverance.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)
August 13
THE STORM AND THE SAFETY NET
For me the deployment was a tumultuous storm raging beneath me, threatening to swallow me whole. But during the storm, I was held up by a safety net. Yes, the water would splash on me, and get me wet, yet I would never be pulled under I would never drown. In my mind, God was the safety net protecting me and holding me day in and day out.
God comforted me through many different sources. Sometimes all it took was an encouraging conversation with an acquaintance, and other times it would be a timely Bible verse, just when I needed to hear it. I read Psalm 91 (The Soldiers’s Psalm) over and over again. I also read Song of Songs, and found hope in how the male lover is reunited with his female lover when “the season of singing comes” after the winter. Lastly, some of the great hymns of the faith were instrumental in uplifting us. Stuart and I loved “How Firm A Foundation.” The lyrics, “Fear not I am with thee oh be not dismayed for I am thy God and shall still give you aid.” This verse was such a relief to me when Stuart returned to Afghanistan after R&R (when we got engaged).
Yes, there were days that were bleak, scary, lonely, but in the end, I was never overcome. My friend once described the feeling of being prayed for as being “unnaturally buoyed.” That is absolutely true, and in a way, it was such an exciting thing. We needed God, and he was there. God answered our prayers for Stuart’s safety, and the safety of his team for which I’m still grateful to this very day. Our raw dependence on him was vital to making it through. In a way, I feel sorry for people who never get to experience their faith in such a throbbing way.
Lord, make me dependent upon you no matter how comfortable my life already is.
“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:8)
August 14
A GOOD FRIDAY
