He shook his head at her. She nodded. And then she began to trace the outline of the figure of David with her fingertips.
'The boy only had a sling to use for his weapon, and so, when the time came for him to face Goliath, he reached for a stone,' she said, pausing to trace the little circle at the bottom of David's feet. 'You believe your father's sword is your strength, don't you, Connor?'
He didn't answer her. She stared into his eyes, waited no more than a few seconds, and then said, 'It isn't. Your strength comes from within. It's your determination, your patience, your skill, but most of all, it's you thirst for justice. David slayed the giant and saved his people. You have already saved your followers.'
'But I have still to slay the enemy.'
'Look around you and see what you have accomplished. David will always represent what you were, and what you have become. You are worthy.'
She lifted the medallion up so he could see it more clearly. 'This is your past and your present.' And then she turned it over. 'And this is your future.'
He recognized the symbol, for it was the same as the one on his wife's medallion. 'The sun.'
She was offering him her love and prayed he would give her his love in return.
He didn't say a word, or give her any other indication that he would, or could, give her what she wanted. He seemed to withdraw then, looking aloof, distant, and yet she could see the moisture in his eyes and knew that the words she longed to hear were there, inside him, locked away with his feelings.
'You have only to open your heart to accept this.'
She placed the medallion in his hand again and then leaned close and kissed him.
She tried to pull back. He wouldn't let her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her over and over again, desperate now as he ravaged her mouth. He didn't understand or know if he was kissing her to show her how much he cared, or if he was deliberately keeping his mouth on top of hers so that she couldn't beg him to give her what he knew he couldn't.
Their lovemaking was wild, uncontrolled, savage, and it was only after he had satisfied her twice more and she had collapsed into sleep on top of him that he acknowledged his greatest weakness.
She terrified him.
Chapter 16
Connor was gone. Brenna awakened late that morning when Netta knocked on the door. She called out to her to please wait a moment, then sat up in bed and reached for her robe.
Her husband's medallion was underneath it. She felt a moment's disappointment before common sense told her he hadn't wanted to disturb her sleep searching for it, so he had simply left it behind when he'd gone downstairs. She put the medallion on the chest next to the bed and hurried to the door while she put on her robe.
Netta didn't come inside. 'Father Sinclair has arrived, but you needn't hurry to greet him. He's busy hearing confession in the lower bailey now and won't make his way up here for another hour or so.'
'You're certain?' Brenna asked. 'I wouldn't want to keep him waiting.'
'If Fionna goes through with her promise to give her confession, I'm certain. She has enough sins to keep Father busy for the rest of the day.'
'Talk like that will get you a long penance, Netta,' she replied with a laugh.
'I'm only telling the truth, so it can't be a sin. Would you like my help getting dressed, mi'lady?'
'No, thank you.'
Netta looked disappointed. 'I'll go on down to the hall then. I'm dreading it though, because you-know-who is sitting at the table, acting like a queen.'
'Are you referring to Lady MacAlister?'
Netta nodded. Brenna immediately scolded her. 'You must honor and respect her,' she said. 'She's your laird's stepmother, if you'll remember.'
'As you wish, mi'lady.'
'I do wish. Please try, Netta. I know she can be difficult.'
'Aye, it is difficult, especially since she took away all your nice improvements. The cushions weren't lumpy, mi'lady. They were perfect.'
Brenna thanked her for her kind opinion and sent her away so she could get dressed. While she washed, she made her list of things she must do today. First and most important, she would take her husband aside and tell him about Raen. Yes, that was the most imperative duty she had, but if there was time and opportunity, she was also going to try to find out exactly how long Lady Euphemia would be staying.
As was her custom each and every morning before she left her bedroom, she said a quick prayer for assistance in getting Euphemia to like her.
God willing, today would be the day.
Talking to Connor came first, however, and even though she would have died of embarrassment if she'd been caught, she sneaked out so that she wouldn't be delayed listening to Euphemia complain. Luck was on her side; the elder woman faced the entrance and didn't see her.
Brenna wasn't particularly worried she would run into Raen, however, because he went riding every day and stayed away from the holding until nightfall.
By tonight, he would be gone… forever.
Where was Connor? She searched high and low for her husband. He had promised her he wouldn't leave, and she knew he would never break his word to her. He had gone either to the lake or the ruins, she decided, and she meant to find out which from Crispin. Fortunately, she located him in the lower bailey.
She waited by the side of the path for the commander to finish his conversation with two other soldiers, and then called out to him. 'May I interrupt for just a moment, Crispin?'
'Certainly, mi'lady,' he answered. He hurried over to her and bowed his head.
'I've looked everywhere for my husband. Do you know where he is?'
'He's gone, mi'lady. I'm not certain when he'll be back.'
'Gone to the lake?'
'He went to Laird Hugh's holding. He should be away at least three or four days, perhaps more.'
Her reaction thoroughly puzzled him. She looked as though she were going to faint dead away, and when she grabbed hold of his arm and gripped him so fiercely, he realized she was actually afraid.
'Where's Raen?' she asked. She frantically looked around her.
'He left early this morning, mi'lady. Three soldiers from Laird Finley's holding rode with him. They also were on their way back north. The higher their number, the better their protection,' he added in the event she didn't understand.
She felt like weeping with relief. 'Raen won't be back then, will he?'
'No, mi'lady, he won't.'
'Thank God. I wanted to tell Connor, but he left, Crispin, before I could, and now I… Why did he leave? He told me he wouldn't.'
Crispin patted her hand in an attempt to get her to let go of him. 'Hugh died last night. It was important for your laird to pay his respects. Laird Kincaid will surely do the same.'
It was suddenly all right again. Connor hadn't lied to her. He simply hadn't anticipated his friend's death.
'I'm sorry for Hugh's family. I hope he died peacefully.'
'We were told he died in his sleep. Does this news please you, mi'lady? You're smiling.'
She felt like a fool. 'I'm pleased because my husband had to leave. He didn't lie to me. I'm not at all happy to hear about Hugh. I shall go and find Father and ask him to pray for his departed soul.'
'Sinclair's hearing confessions. I'll send him to you as soon as he's finished.'
She finally let go of the soldier. 'I don't know what came over me. I was…'
