I seemed to be in the throes of an attack of verbal diarrhoea. ‘After all,’ I said, ‘in some ways I’ve been rather successful. And if Martin goes to the Treasury there’s an outside chance I might get the Foreign Office.’
I paused. Nobody spoke. After an eternity Humphrey said, with unmistakable doubt this time, ‘Perhaps you might.’
‘You don’t sound very certain,’ I accused him.
To his credit he stuck up for himself. ‘I’m not certain, Minister,’ he replied, looking me straight in the eye.
I panicked. ‘Why not? What have you heard?’
He remained as unperturbed as ever. ‘Nothing, Minister, I assure you. That’s why I’m not certain.’
I picked up the offending newspaper, stared at it again, and cast it down to the floor.
‘Well,’ I asked bitterly, ‘how does Bob Carver in the
‘Perhaps,’ speculated Humphrey, ‘he has the PM’s ear.’
That’s the obvious answer – I was forced to agree. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Everyone knows that he’s in the PM’s pocket.’
Bernard perked up. ‘Then the PM must have a rather large ear,’ he said.
I gave him another withering glance.
I decided not to worry about it any further. I will say no more about it.
It’s pointless to worry about it. There’s nothing to worry about, anyway.
Yet.
So I briefly discussed the Word Processing Conference in Brussels. Humphrey wants us to go. But it
I asked Humphrey if he knew when the reshuffle would be. After all, it considerably affects the plans I might want to make.
Humphrey’s reply was as little help as usual. Something like: ‘I’m not privy to the Prime Minister’s plans for the projected reshuffle, if indeed there is to be a reshuffle, and I am therefore unaware of any projected date, if indeed there is such a date, and so I think you must proceed on the assumption that the reshuffle will not have happened and make plans for you or your successor accordingly, if indeed you are to have a successor, which of course you may not.’
I decided to decline the invitation. Just in case. I’ve seen this happen before. This is no time to go on an idiotic foreign junket. One day you’re out of your office, the next day you’re out of office.
SIR BERNARD WOOLLEY RECALLS:2
I well remember that rather tense discussion. Hacker told us no less than six or seven times that he would not worry about the reshuffle, that it was pointless to worry about it and the matter was closed.
Then he bit his fingernails a lot.
As he left the office on the way to the Commons, I advised him not to let the reshuffle prey on his mind.
He was most indignant. ‘It’s not preying on my mind,’ he said. ‘I’ve stopped thinking about it.’
And as he left he stopped, turned to me and said: ‘Bernard, I’ll see you at six o’clock in the House of Shuffles – er, Cards – er, Commons.’
[
Had a meeting with Arnold, who claimed he was unable to give me any details about the impending reshuffle. He said he was merely Cabinet Secretary, not the Political Editor of the
However, he revealed that Brussels have asked if Hacker would be available for the next Commissionership. It seems it’s his if he wants it. A good European and all that.
B.W. [
Of course, Private Secretaries often feel a certain loyalty to their Ministers, but these feelings must be kept strictly under control. Admitting these sentiments to Sir Arnold is not good for B.W.’s career.
Then, compounding his error, he said that we would all miss Hacker because he was beginning to get a grip on the job.
I sent him home at once.
Subsequently I explained, in confidence, the following essential points on the subject of reshuffles. I told him to commit them to memory.
1) Ministers with a grip on the job are a nuisance because:
(a) they argue
(b) they start to learn the facts
(c) they ask if you have carried out instructions they gave you six months ago
(d) if you tell them something is impossible, they may dig out an old submission in which you said it was easy
