The Complete Yes Minister

He’s having problems with one of his Ministers. Not the Secretary of State, who is easily handled, but one of the junior Ministers: Giles Freeman, the Parly Sec.

Discussed the impending planning inquiry into the sale and redevelopment of the Corn Exchange Art Gallery site. Warned him that it was rather important that we get the right result.

Ian reminded me that his planning inspectors are absolutely independent and there can be no question of undue influence. Quite right too.

On the other hand, if it were a question of his giving certain informal guidelines, putting the inquiry in the right perspective and explaining the background to facilitate an informed appreciation of the issues and implications, he agreed that such a course would be regarded as entirely proper.

Then he asked me what it was, exactly, that I wanted him to fix. I explained that it was a question of a proposed local authority demolition of a Grade II listed building. He misunderstood my intentions at first. He said that he would be only too happy to arrange it, there would be no problems: they’d been knocking down listed buildings all over the place.

I explained that the proposal had to be rejected. This amazed him, naturally. And he demanded an explanation. I was forced to reveal that if the sale goes through the proceeds will be used to save the local football club from bankruptcy.

He was visibly shaken. We were unable to continue this conversation as the interval bell went at that moment. Never send to know for whom the bell tolls – it tolls for the Arts Council.

[Appleby Papers JAL/REL 14041]

[The following day Sir Humphrey Appleby received an urgent letter, delivered by hand, from Sir Ian Whitworth, see below – Ed.]

[A reply from Sir Humphrey Appleby – Ed.]

[Hacker’s diary continues – Ed.]

October 3rd

My usual diary session with Bernard was full of interest this morning. Though I was in a hurry today he insisted on a brief talk with me before we did anything else.

‘There is something I should like to suggest to you, Minister, if I may be so bold.’

I told him to be as bold as he liked.

He told me that, in his opinion, I shouldn’t get involved with the art gallery/football club affair. I told him he was being rather bold.

‘Better for me to be bold than for you to be stumped, Minister.’ I like Bernard. He’s wasted in Whitehall.

He then informed me that it is axiomatic in Whitehall (though news to me, I must say) that an MP should never get involved in a planning inquiry in his own constituency.

Apparently this is because the local issues are usually finely balanced. Therefore you’re bound to offend as many constituents as you please. Either way, you can’t win. The same problem as the integrated national transport policy, in fact. And Bernard emphasised that it becomes especially dangerous to become involved if there’s a powerful quango lurking in the wings.

This sounded all very sensible in theory, and I was grateful for Bernard’s support and care. But in this case I’m not sure that the local arguments are finely balanced. I told Bernard that everyone will be on the same side except for a few wet long-haired scruffy art lovers.

Bernard took this on board, and made no direct reply. He simply suggested that we now went through my diary for the morning. I thought he’d conceded my point until we examined the diary closely.

10.15 a.m.

The Secretary-General of the Arts Council

(The biggest quango of them all)

10.45 a.m.

The Historic Monuments Association

11.00 a.m.

The National Trust

11.15 a.m.

The Country Landowners’ Association

11.30 a.m.

The Council for the Protection of Rural England

11.45 a.m.

The Country Crafts and Folklore Council

I gazed at Bernard, nonplussed.

‘Rural England?’ I asked, picking one of the appointments out at random.

‘Yes,’ said Bernard and made a vague gesture towards the window. ‘There’s quite a lot of it out there.’