dropped! How on earth would it look if the first action of the Minister for the Arts was to knock down an art gallery?
I told Bernard to apologise to the Councillors, and to say that I was delayed or something. I needed time to think!
So Humphrey and I discussed the art gallery. I told him that I’d been giving it some thought, that it was quite a decent little gallery, an interesting building, Grade II listed, and that clearly it was now my role to fight for it.
He nodded sympathetically, and agreed that I was in a bit of a fix. Bernard ushered in the Councillors – Brian Wilkinson leading the delegation, plus a couple of others – Cllrs Noble and Greensmith.
I had no idea, quite honestly, what I was going to say to them. I ordered Humphrey to stay with me, to help.
‘This is my Permanent Secretary,’ I said.
Brian Wilkinson indicated Bernard. ‘You mean he’s only a temp?’ Bernard didn’t look at all pleased. I couldn’t tell if Brian was sending him up or not.
I was about to start the meeting with a few cautious opening remarks when Brian plunged in. He told me, with great enthusiasm, that it was all going great. All the political parties are with the plan. The County Council too. It was now unstoppable. All he needed was my Department’s approval for using the proceeds from the sale of the art gallery as a loan to the club.
I hesitated. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Well – um . . . there is a snag.’
Wilkinson was surprised. ‘You said there weren’t any.’
‘Well, there is.’ I couldn’t elaborate on this terse comment because I just couldn’t think of anything else to say.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
My mind was blank. I was absolutely stuck. I said things like ‘apparently . . . it seems . . . it has emerged,’ and then I passed the buck, ‘I think Sir Humphrey can explain it better,’ I said desperately.
All eyes turned to Sir Humphrey.
‘Um . . . well. It just can’t be done, you see,’ he said. It looked for a dreadful moment that he was going to leave it at that – but then, thank God, inspiration struck. ‘It’s because the art gallery is a trust. Terms of the original bequest. Or something,’ he finished lamely.
I picked up the ball and carried on running with it, blindly. ‘That’s it,’ I agreed emphatically, ‘a trust. We’ll just have to find something else to knock down. A school. A church. A hospital. Bound to be something,’ I added optimistically.
Councillor Brian Wilkinson’s jaw had dropped. ‘Are we supposed to tell people that you’ve gone back on your word? It was your idea to start with.’
‘It’s the law,’ I whined, ‘not me.’
‘Well, why didn’t you find this out till now?’
I had no answer. I didn’t know what to say. I broke out in a cold sweat. I could see that this could cost me my seat at the next election. And then dear Bernard came to the rescue.
He was surreptitiously pointing at a file on my desk. I glanced at it – and realised that it was the gobbledegook amending Regulation 7 of the Amendment of Regulations Act regulating the Regulation of the Amendments Act, 1066 and all that.
But what was it all about? Cash for Councillors?
My confidence surged back. I smiled at Brian Wilkinson and said, ‘Let me be absolutely frank with you. The truth of the matter is, I
Wilkinson interrupted me impatiently. ‘Okay, take the time. We’ve spent enough.’
‘Yes,’ I replied smoothly, ‘but then something else would have to go by the board. And the other thing that’s taking my time at the moment is forcing through this increase in Councillors’ expenses and allowances. I can’t put my personal weight behind both schemes.’
I waited. There was silence. So I continued. ‘I mean, I suppose I could forget the increased allowances for Councillors and concentrate on the legal obstacles of the art gallery sale.’
There was another silence. This time I waited till one of the others broke it.
Finally Wilkinson spoke. ‘Tricky things – legal obstacles,’ he remarked. I saw at once that he understood my problem.
So did Humphrey. ‘This is a particularly tricky one,’ he added eagerly.
‘And at the end of the day you might still fail?’ asked Wilkinson.
‘Every possibility,’ I replied sadly.
Wilkinson glanced quickly at his fellow Councillors. None of them were in disagreement. I had hit them where they lived – in the wallet.
‘Well, if that’s the way it is, okay,’ Wilkinson was agreeing to leave the art gallery standing. But he was still looking for other ways to implement our scheme because he added cheerfully, ‘There’s a chance we may want to close Edge Hill Road Primary School at the end of the year. That site could fetch a couple of million, give or take.’
The meeting was over. The crisis was over. We all told each other there were no ill-feelings, and Brian and his colleagues agreed that they would make it clear locally that we couldn’t overcome the legal objections.
As he left, Brian Wilkinson told me to carry on the good work.
