away. I dressed myself rapidly and followed them to the palace, where I found all the forecourts and outer rooms full of noisy crowds. I was now sure that riots had broken out and that the gutter would run blood as soon as reinforcements arrived from the provinces.
But when I followed the soldiers into the great throne room, I saw Burnaburiash seated on his lion-footed golden throne beneath the canopy of sovereignty, robed in kingly raiment and with the symbols of power in his hands. Round about him stood the chief priests of Marduk, the counselors and the foremost men in the kingdom. But the soldiers never heeded them; they thrust Kaptah forward, making way with their spears until they reached the throne, where they paused.
There was suddenly silence; no one spoke until Kaptah suddenly said, “Take away that devil’s creature, or I shall weary of this game and go away.”
At this moment sunlight broke through the tracery of the east window, and everyone began to shout, “He is right! Take away this creature, for we have had enough of being governed by a beardless boy. This man is wise, therefore we make him king that he may rule over us.”
I could not believe my eyes when I saw them set upon the King, jostling and laughing with rude utterance, to snatch the symbols from his hands and the robe from his back so that he was soon as naked as I when the soldiers surprised me. They pinched his arms and felt his thigh muscles and jeered at him.
“It is plain to see that he is newly weaned and his mouth still wet with his mother’s milk. It is high time that the women in the women’s house had some enjoyment, and we think that this old rogue, Kaptah the Egyptian, can ride in that saddle!”
Burnaburiash uttered no word of protest but laughed with them, while his lion in great uneasiness and perplexity slunk away with its tail between its legs, scared by the mob.
And then for all I knew I might have been standing on my head, for from the King they rushed to Kaptah, clothed him in the royal robe and forced him to take the symbols of majesty into his hands. They pushed him onto the throne and prostrated themselves before him, wiping the floor with their lips. First among them crawled Burnaburiash, stark naked, shouting, “This is as it should be! He shall be our king, and a better one we could not have chosen.”
Then they all sprang up and proclaimed Kaptah king, and they stamped and squirmed and held their sides in mirth.
Kaptah stared at them goggle eyed, his hair on end beneath the royal diadem, which they had set awry on his head.
At length he said, “If I am indeed king, it is worth a drink. Make haste, therefore, to bring in wine, you slaves, if any is to be found here, or my stick shall dance on your backs, and I shall have you hung from the walls. Bring a great quantity of wine, for these gentlemen and friends who have made me king shall drink with me, while I myself mean to bathe up to my neck in wine.”
His words evoked great rejoicing, and the shouting throng dragged him to a vast hall where many luscious dishes were set forth and much wine. Each one took what he fancied, and Burnaburiash donned a servant’s apron and dashed about like a clown, stumbling over people’s feet and spilling wine and sauce over their clothes so that many swore and flung gnawed bones at him. In all the outer courtyards food and drink were offered to the mob; oxen and sheep were quartered there; and the populace could scoop beer and wine from the pools and stuff themselves with a porridge prepared with cream and sweet dates. As the sun rose higher, an indescribable tumult prevailed.
As soon as opportunity offered, I approached Kaptah and said to him privately, “Kaptah, follow me; let us fly unobserved, for no good can come of this.”
But Kaptah had drunk wine, and his belly was swollen with good food. He replied, “Your words are as the buzz of flies in my ear. Never did I hear such witless talk. Am I to go now when all these good people have made me king and bow before me?”
He wiped the grease from his mouth and, shaking a gnawed donkey bone at me, shouted, “Take away this scum of an Egyptian before I lose my temper and let my stick dance on his back!”
It might have gone ill with me, but at that moment a horn was sounded, and a man announced that it was now time for the king to go down and dispense justice to his people; whereupon I was forgotten.
Kaptah was somewhat taken aback when they began to lead him toward the House of Justice and said that he was content to leave the business to the appointed judges-s. ound men whom he trusted. But the people countered this with heat and indignation, and shouted, “We will witness the king’s wisdom to prove to ourselves that he is the right king and knows the laws.”
So Kaptah was lifted to the throne of justice; before him were laid scourge and fetters, the symbols of justice; then the people were called on to step forward and lay their cases before the king.
When Kaptah had pronounced judgment on some of these, he grew weary of the business; he stretched himself and said, “Today I have eaten and drunk and-as I think-toiled and racked my brain enough. As king I am lord also of the women’s house, where so far as I know some four hundred wives await me. I must therefore inspect these possessions of mine, for wine and majesty have strangely fired me, and I feel as strong as a lion.”
When the people heard this, they raised a tremendous shout, which seemed as if it would never end. They followed him back to the palace, where in the courtyard before the door of the women’s house they took up their stand. But Burnaburiash was no longer laughing; he rubbed his hands nervously and scratched his leg with the other foot.
When he saw me, he came up and said rapidly, “Sinuhe, you are my friend, and as a physician you may enter the house of the King’s women. Follow him and see that he does nothing he may be sorry for later. I shall have him flayed alive and set his head to dry upon the wall if he touches my women; if he behaves well, I promise him an easy death.”
I said to him, “Burnaburiash, I am indeed your friend and wish you well, but tell me what all this means, for my liver is heavy to see you in the place of a servant and mocked by all.”
He answered me impatiently, “Today is the Day of the False King as everyone knows; hasten now to follow him, lest evil befall.”
I made no move to obey, though he seized me by the arm, but said only, “I do not know the customs of your country; you must explain to me what all this signifies.”
“Each year on the Day of the False King the stupidest, craziest man in Babylon is chosen king to rule from dawn to sunset in full majesty and power, and the King himself waits upon him. And never have I seen a more comical king than Kaptah, whom I chose for that reason. He does not know what is to happen to him, and that is drollest of all.”
“What then is to happen?”
“At sunset he will be slain as suddenly as he was crowned. I can kill him cruelly if I choose, but mostly I give them a gentle poison in their wine, and they fall asleep without knowing they are to die. Hasten now and see to it that your servant commits no folly of which he may repent before sundown.”
But there was no need to fetch Kaptah, who now came tumbling from the house in a great rage, with blood streaming from his nose and with his hand over his one eye. He said amid howls and yells, “See what they have done to me! They offered me old hags and Negresses, but when I would have tasted a tender kid, it turned into a tiger and gave me a black eye and hit me on the nose with a slipper!”
Burnaburiash was so helpless with laughter that he had to steady himself by catching on to my arms, and Kaptah continued with his lamentation.
“I dare not open the door to that house, for the young woman in there is raging like a wild beast, and I know not what is to be done-unless you, Sinuhe, go in and open her skull and so release the evil spirit that is in her. In truth she must be possessed; how else would she dare lay hands on the King and smite me on the nose with her slipper so that blood flows from me as from a stuck ox?”
Burnaburiash nudged me and said, “Go in, Sinuhe, and see what has happened. You know the place now, and today I may not enter it. Then come and tell me. I think I know which girl it is, for one was brought here yesterday from the islands in the sea from whom I expect much enjoyment though she should first be drugged with poppy juice.”
He pestered me until I went into the women’s house, where all was turmoil. The eunuchs did not hinder me, knowing that I was a physician. Old women who in honor of the day had clad themselves in all their splendor and painted their wrinkled faces came clustering about me, demanding with one voice, “What became of him, our
