King Dork

19. Green Sabbath

guitar: Monsignor Eco-druid

bass and industrial sabotage: The Grim

Recycler

drums, percussion, acoustic and semi-

acoustic drums, cymbals, tambourines,

cowbells, chimes, gongs, toms, shaker

eggs, bongos, stick clicks, wood blocks, percussion, percussion and more

percussion: Todd “Percussion” Panchowski first album: Our Drummer Is Kind of Full of Himself 20. Balls Deep

guitar: Comrade Gal-hammer

bass and embroidery: Our Dear Leader

real fancy and important percussion: the Lonely Dissident

first album: We Control the Horizontal 21. Super Mega Plus

guitar/vox: Moelle

bass, prevarication, and procuring young girls under false pretenses: Sam Hell

irregular timekeeping: Brain-dead Panchowski first album: A Woman Knows

330

22. The Chi-Mos!

guitar: the Reverend Chi-Mo

bass and being aware of his own mortality: Assistant Principal Chi-Mo

percussion and counting to four:

Chi-Mo Panchowski

first album: Balls Deep

23. The Elephants of Style

guitar: Mot Juste

bass and animal husbandry: Sam Enchanted Evening

first album: Devil Warship

24. Sentient Beard

guitar/vox: Mot Nosredneh

bass and upholstery: Samerica the Beautiful first album: Off the Charts—Way Off

25. We Have Eaten All the Cake

guitar/vox: Tomcat

bass and domestic hygiene Spam L. Ermine

:

drums: Shinefield

first album Slut Heaven

:

331

glossary

AC/DC (ACK-dack): the fourth-greatest rock and roll band of all time.

Advanced French (a-VALST flalsh): a form of the French language in which only the present tense is used. Primarily employed for telling time and for describing the activities of this one guy named Jean and this other guy named Claude.

Advanced Placement (ud-VANT-udgd po-LEES-munt): classes that are far easier than regular classes and for which students receive inflated grades. Rumor has it that “work” done in some AP classes can even count as college credit, though it is doubtful that the sort of college that would accept such credit is the sort of college you’d ever want to put on a resume.

anglophile (an-GLOF-eh-lay): someone who is under the mistaken impression that there is something cool or impressive about trying to speak in a fake English accent.

ankh (ANK-ul): the ancient Egyptian symbol of life, often worn as a pendant or tattoo, or emblazoned on drug paraphernalia.