Up The Down Staircase

You gonna report me?

What's your name?

You gonna give me a zero?

I'm afraid I've had just about—What's your name?

Joe.

Joe what?

Ferone. You gonna send a letter home? Take away my lollipop? Lecture me? Spank me?

All I asked—

Yeah. All you asked.

I don't allow anyone to talk to me like that.

So you're lucky—you're a teacher!

2. Let It Be a Challenge

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: Mrs. Beatrice Schachter, Room 508

TO: Miss Sylvia Barrett, Room 304

Dear Syl—

Welcome to the fold! I hope it goes well with you on this, your first day. If you need help, just holler; I'm in 508.

What's your program? Can we synchronize our lunch periods?

Fondly,

Bea

* * *

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: Miss Sylvia Barrett, Room 304

TO: Mrs. Beatrice Schachter, Room 508

Dear Bea—

Help!

I'm buried beneath an avalanche of papers, I don't understand the language of the country, and what do I do about a kid who calls me 'Hi, teach!'?

Syl

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: Room 508

TO: Room 304

Nothing. Maybe he calls you Hi, teach! because he likes you. Why not answer Hi, pupe?

The clerical work is par for the course. 'Keep on file in numerical order' means throw in waste-basket. You'll soon learn the language. 'Let it be a challenge to you' means you're stuck with it; 'interpersonal relationships' is a fight between kids; 'ancillary civic agencies for supportive discipline' means call the cops; 'Language Arts Dept.' is the English office; 'literature based on child's reading level and experiential background' means that's all they've got in the Book Room; 'non-academic-minded' is a delinquent; and 'It has come to my attention' means you're in trouble.

Did you get anything done in homeroom today?

Bea

* * *

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 304

TO: 508

Dear Bea—

I checked off 2 1/2 items from some 20 on the list of things to be done.

A boy fell off his chair.

Nothing in my courses on Anglo-Saxon literature, or in Pedagogy, or in my Master's thesis on Chaucer had prepared me for this. I had planned to establish rapport, a climate of warmth and mutual respect. I would begin, I thought, with First Impressions: importance of appearance, manners, speech, on which I'd build an eloquent case for good diction, correct usage, fluent self-expression. From there it would be just a step to the limitless realms of creativity.

That's what I thought.

What happened was that I didn't get beyond the B's in taking attendance. And I forgot to have them salute the flag, and I have an uneasy feeling that it's illegal.

Syl

* * *

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 508

TO: 304

You're in the clear. On assembly days they salute in the auditorium. What's illegal now is the Bible reading.

Bea

* * *

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 304

TO: 508

Dear Bea—

What does the SS stand for in Eng. SS? Secret Service? Social Security? Sesame Seeds? Super-Slows?

Syl