«I didn`t know that about you and Nietzsche, Julius,”
said Pam. «It makes me feel even closer to you
becauseZarathustra, melodramatic as it is, remains one of
my absolutely favorite books. And I`ll tell you my favorite
quote from it. It`s when Zarathustra says, �Was that life?
Well, then, once again!` I love people who embrace life and
get turned off by those who shrink away from it—I`m
thinking of Vijay in India. Next ad I run in a personal
column maybe I`ll post that Nietzsche quote and the
Schopenhauer tombstone quote side–by–side and ask
respondents to choose between them. That would winnow
out the nay–sayers.
«I have another thought I want to share.» Pam turned
to face Philip. «I guess it`s obvious that after the last
meeting I thought about you a lot. I`m teaching a course on
biography, and in my reading last week I ran across an
amazing passage in Erik Erikson`s biography of Martin
Luther. It goes something like this:�Luther elevated his own
neurosis to that of a universal patient–hood and then tried
to solve for the world what he could not solve for himself.` I
believe that Schopenhauer, like Luther, seriously fell into
this error and that you`ve followed his lead.»
«Perhaps,” responded Philip in a conciliatory
fashion, «neurosis is a social construct, and we may need a
different kind of therapy and a different kind of philosophy
for different temperaments—one approach for those who
are replenished by closeness to others and another approach
for those who choose the life of the mind. Consider, for
example, the large numbers who are drawn to Buddhist
meditation retreats.»
«That remind me of something I`ve been meaning to
say to you, Philip,” said Bonnie. «I think your view of
Buddhism misses something. I`ve attended Buddhist
retreats where the focus has been directed outwards—on
loving kindness and connectivity—not on solitude. A good
Buddhist can be active, in the world, even politically
active—all in the service of loving others.»
«So it`s becoming clearer,” said Julius, «that your
selectivity error involves human relationships. To give
another example: you`ve cited the views about death or
solitude of several philosophers but never speak of what
these same philosophers—and I`m thinking of the Greek
philosophers—have said about the joys ofphilia, of
friendship. I remember one of my own supervisors quoting
me a passage from Epicurus saying that friendship was the
most important ingredient for a happy life and that eating
without a close friend was living the life of a lion or a wolf.
And Aristotle`s definition of a friend—one who promotes
the better and the sounder in the other—comes close to my
idea of the ideal therapist.»
«Philip,” Julius asked, «how is this all feeling today?
Are we laying too much on you at once?»
«I`m tempted to defend myself by pointing out that
not one of the great philosophers ever married, except
Montaigne, who remained so disinterested in his family
that he was unsure how many children he had. But, with
only one remaining meeting, what`s the point? It`s hard to
listen constructively when my entire course, everything I
plan to do as a counselor, is under attack.»
«Speaking for myself, that`s not true. There`s a great
deal you can contribute, much that youhave contributed to
the members here. Right?» Julius scanned the group.
After lots of strenuous head–nodding affirmation for
Philip, Julius continued: «But, if you`re to be a counselor,
youmust enter the social world. I want to remind you that
many, I would betmost, of those who will consult you in
your practice will need help in their interpersonal
relationships, and if you want to support yourself as a
therapist, youmust become an expert in these matters—
there`s no other way. Just take a look around the group:
everyone here entered because of conflicted relationships.
Pam came in because of problems with the men in her life,
Rebecca because of the way her looks influenced her
relations with others, Tony because of a mutually
destructive relationship with Lizzy and his frequent fights
with other men, and so on for everyone.»
Julius hesitated, then decided to include all the
members. «Gill entered because of marital conflict. Stuart
because his wife was threatening to leave him, Bonnie
because of loneliness and problems with her daughter and
ex–husband. You see what I mean, relationships cannot be
ignored. And, don`t forget, that`s the very reason I insisted
you enter the group before offering you supervision.»
«Perhaps there`s no hope for me. My slate of
relationships, past and present, is blank. Not with family,
not with friends, not with lovers. I treasure my solitude, but
the extent of it would, I think, be shocking to you.»
«A couple times after group,” said Tony, «I`ve asked
if you wanted to have a bite together. You always refused,
and I figured it was because you had other plans.»
«I haven`t had a meal with anyone for twelve years.
Maybe an occasional rushed sandwich lunch, but not a real
meal. You`re right, Julius, I guess Epicurus would say I
live the life of a wolf. A few weeks ago after that meeting
when I got so upset, one of the thoughts that circled in my
mind was that the mansion of thought I had built for my life
was unheated. The group is warm. This room is warm but
my living places are arctic cold. And as for love, it`s
absolutely alien to me.»
