his favorite therapy axioms was«strike when the iron is cold!»
Viewing therapy, as he so often did, as a sequence of
emotion activation followed by integration, Julius reflected upon
the abundance of emotional expression today. Perhaps too much.
Time to move on to understanding and integration. Choosing an
oblique route, he turned to Bonnie, «So, what about theвЂ?glory be!
`”
«Reading my thoughts again, Julius? How do you do it? I
was just thinking about that crack and regretting it. I`m afraid it
came out wrong and sounded mocking. Did it?» She looked at Pam
and then Philip.
«I didn`t think so at the time,” said Pam, «but yeah, looking
back, there`s some mocking there.»
«Sorry,” said Bonnie. «But this boiling caldron here, you
and Philip sniping, all those carom shots—I just felt relieved by the
directness. And you?» she turned to Philip. «You resent my
comment?»
«Sorry.» Philip continued looking down. «It didn`t register. I
was only aware of the glare in her eyes.»
«Her?» said Tony.
«In Pam`s eyes.» He turned to Pam, his voice quavered for
an instant, «in your eyes, Pam,”
«Okay, man,” said Tony, «nowwe`re rolling.»
«Were you scared, Philip?» asked Gill. «It`s not easy to be
on the receiving end ofthat, is it?»
«No, I was entirely preoccupied in my search for some way
of not allowing her glare, her words, her opinion to matter to me. I
mean, Pam,your words,your opinion.»
«Sounds like you and I have something in common, Philip,”
said Gill. «You`re like me—we both have our problems with
Pam.»
Philip looked at Gill and nodded, perhaps a nod of gratitude,
Julius thought. When it seemed clear that Philip was not going to
offer more, Julius looked around the group to bring in other
members. He never passed up an opportunity to widen the
interaction network: with the faith of an evangelist he believed that
the more members involved in the interaction, the more effective
the group. He wanted to engage Pam—her outburst toward Philip
was still ringing in the air. To that end, he addressed Gill and said,
«Gill, you say it`s not easy to be on the receiving end of Pam`s
comments...and last week you referred to Pam as the chief
justice—can you say more?»
«Oh, it`s just my stuff, I know, I`m not sure and I`m not a
good judge of this, but—”
Julius interrupted, «Stop! Let`s freeze the action right here.
At this instant.» He turned to Pam: «Look at what Gill just said. Is
that related to your saying you don`t or can`t listen to him?»
«Exactly,” said Pam. «Quintessential Gill. Look, Gill, here`s
what you just announced:�Don`t pay any attention to what I`m
about to say. It`s not important—I`m not important—it`s just my
stuff. Don`t want to offend. Don`t listen to me.` Not only do you
disqualify yourself, but it is vapid. Downright tedious. Christ, Gill!
You got something to say? Just stand up and say it!»
«So, Gill,” Julius asked, «if you were goingto say it straight
out without preamble, what would it be?» That good old
conditional voice ploy.
«I`d say to her—to you, Pam—youare the judge I fear here.
You sit in judgment of me. I`m uneasy—no, I`m downright
terrified, in your presence.»
«That`s straight, Gill.Now I`m listening,” said Pam.
«So, Pam,” said Julius, «that`s two men here—Philip and
Gill—who express fear of you. Do you have some reaction to
that?»
«Yep—a big reaction: вЂ?That`s their problem.`”
«Any possibility that it`s also your problem?» said Rebecca.
«Maybe other men in your life have felt this too.»
«I`ll think about it.»
«Feedback, anyone, about this last interchange?» Asked
Julius.
«I think Pam`s being a little dodgy,” said Stuart.
«I agree. I get the feeling that you`re not going to think too
hard about it, Pam,” said Bonnie.
«Yep, you`re dead right. I think I`m still smarting from
Rebecca saying she wanted to protect Philip from my rage.»
«It`s a dilemma, isn`t it, Pam?» said Julius. «As you just said
to Gill, you value no–bullshit feedback. Yet when you get it, ouch,
how it smarts.»
«That`s true—so maybe I`m not as tough as I appear. And,
Rebecca, that did hurt.»
Rebecca said, «I`m sorry, Pam; that wasn`t my intention.
Supporting Philip is not identical to attacking you.»
Julius waited and wondered in which direction to guide the
group. There were many possibilities. Pam`s rage and
judgmentalism were on the table. And what about the other men,
Tony and Stuart? Where were they? And the competitiveness
between Pam and Rebecca was still on the table. Or should the
group deal with the unfinished business with Bonnie and her
mocking statement? Or perhaps focus more on the outburst from
Pam to Philip? He knew it was best to be patient; it would be a
mistake to push too fast. After only a handful of meetings there
had been definite progress toward dГ©tente. Maybe they had done
enough today. Hard to gauge, though; Philip gave little away. But
then, to Julius`s surprise, the group took an entirely unanticipated
direction.
«Julius,” said Tony, «I been wondering. You okay with the
response to what you revealed?»
«Well, we didn`t get very far. Let me think about what
happened. You told me how you felt and so did Pam, and then she
and Philip got into it about his not having feelings about my
