“Every time I sleep, it all happens again. And I wake up feeling all dirty and nasty.”
“Is that why you take so many showers?”
Brandy nodded. “Down there especially.”
“It’s all right, Brandy. I’m not gonna ever let anything happen to you again.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, Aunt Me’shelle. There’s nothing left for me anyway. They made me a dirty ho,” Brandy said and began to cry. “Nobody will ever want me for anything.”
“Don’t say that,” Me’shelle pleaded.
“I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. There’s nothing left for me.”
Me’shelle put her arms around Brandy and they cried together.
“I’m scared, Me’shelle. I’m scared all the time.”
“You don’t have to be scared, Brandy. We’ll be here to protect you.”
“My daddy used to say the same thing, and when those men came, all he could do was lay on the floor and watch.”
Me’shelle had no answer, nothing she could say to reassure her that she would be safe.
“Those men are gonna come after me because I told the police what they looked like. And when they do, there’s nothing that you can do to stop them.”
Me’shelle continued to sit with Brandy. She knew that she had to do something to make this right. She stayed in the room until Brandy could no longer fight off sleep.
Downstairs in the living room, Juanita and Miranda sat watching television. Me’shelle joined them.
“Is she asleep?” Miranda asked.
“Yes,” Me’shelle answered as she sat down on the couch next to Miranda. “But she told me that she’s afraid to go to sleep because she’s having nightmares about what happened.”
“I’ll go sit with her,” Juanita said. She got up from her chair. “One of us should be there if she wakes up,” she said before she went up to Brandy’s room.
“You should get some sleep, too, Me’shelle. You’ve been up just as long as she has.”
“I’m all right, Aunt Miranda.”
“What’s bothering you, Me’shelle?”
“Really, Aunt Miranda, I’m fine.”
“I’ve seen that look before, Me’shelle Lawrence. Tell me what’s on your mind,” Miranda insisted. Me’shelle rested her head on her aunt’s shoulder.
“I have so much on my mind I don’t know where to start. But what it is, is that it’s my fault that this happened.”
“What you talkin’ about, Me’shelle? How is this your fault?”
“Bruce told me that somebody was gonna kill him because of the money he owed them. He asked me for the money and I didn’t give it to him. I had the money and I could have given it to him. If I had just given him the money, none of this would have happened.”
“My God, child. This is not your fault. I don’t mean to be speaking ill of the dead, but the truth is that Bruce was a drug addict. He’s got money and stolen from all of us to buy drugs. Natalie was selling her body for drugs. There’s no telling what else they were doing.”
“I know all that, but-”
“But nothing, Me’shelle. You listen to me. Suppose you gave Bruce the money and they killed him anyway. What then? Would you still blame yourself? ’Cause that’s what would have happened. That life he was living was gonna kill him or get him killed. You know that, Me’shelle. You used to tell Bruce that all the time.”
“I know what you’re saying, and maybe you’re right, but that’s how I feel, and I got to do something about it.”
“Like what?”
“Even if you’re right about Bruce,” Me’shelle said, ignoring Miranda's question, “I still could have done more to get Brandy away from there.”
“That’s a cross we are all gonna have to bear,” Miranda said sadly.
“When Bruce said they were in Columbia and Brandy wasn’t in school, I should have gotten in my car and went to get her.”
“We all could have done a lot more for Brandy. All we can do now is be there for her now,” Miranda said.
“I was too busy,” Me’shelle went on. “I was too busy going out with Travis and eating in fancy restaurants to worry about Brandy and what was best for her.”
Seeing where this was going, Miranda said, “I don’t mean to change the subject, but I do notice that you haven’t mentioned his name, and I don’t remember you talking to him in a while.”
Me’shelle laughed a little. “That’s another thing.”
“See, I know my little girl. I knew there was something else. What’s bothering you?”
“I found out something bad about Travis,” Me’shelle said.
“Really? He seemed like a nice young man. What did you find out about him?”
“I’ll just say he wasn’t completely honest with me.”
“How do you feel about him, Me’shelle?”
“Well, I-”
“Do you love him, Me’shelle?”
“Yes, I think I do.”
“Does he love you?”
“He says he does.”
“Do you believe him when he says he loves you?”
“Yes, I believe he loves me.”
“Me’shelle, what you are going to have to decide is whether whatever you found out about him is so bad that it changes your feelings for him,” Miranda offered. “And I don’t think it does, ’cause if it did, you wouldn’t be going through no changes about it.”
“You may be right. But none of that matters now anyway. Right now I need him.”
Chapter Thirty-two
After Me’shelle put him out of her apartment, Travis was alone with his thoughts. Even on days when Ronnie and Jackie came over to his house, he was still alone. They told Travis that it was for the best. Ronnie said that his involvement with Me’shelle under these circumstances would only end in disaster for the three of them. “And it ain’t worth the risk,” he said.
Jackie was pretty quiet, though, offering up an opinion or agreeing with Ronnie when it seemed appropriate. But she felt Travis’s pain, and didn’t want to minimize it, so she sat next to him and held his hand. What was more pressing to Jackie was the exploration of the depth of the feelings that she had for Travis.
Once Travis had heard enough from Ronnie about how he should be happy that Me’shelle didn’t want to see him again, he turned the conversation around to business. He got up and went into the dining room. “We have a job to run in the morning, so let’s go over this again. Especially since we were interrupted the first time, I want to be sure we’re all on the same page.”
“That’s what you need, Travis. Get back to business,” Ronnie said. “It’s time to get focused. I’m glad you’re not losing sight of the bigger picture.”
“No, Ronnie, I haven’t lost sight of the big picture,” Travis said as he laid the diagram of the bank out on the dining room table. But he knew in his heart that Me’shelle was a part of that picture.
After going over the plan three times, all agreed that they were satisfied with the details. Ronnie announced that he was going home. Travis thought Jackie would follow suit and break out with Ronnie, but she had other plans.
“So, how are you?” she asked Travis.
“I’m fine, Jackie. Really,” he said and sat down next to her. “And thanks for not riding me tonight.”
