thought maybe we could go down to the beach. Watch the sunset. My mom has this totally lame picnic basket from, like, 1985, but I thought we could use it.”
I try to act natural. I can’t believe Cole just asked me out like that, in front of everyone. Maybe he really does think he’s my boyfriend. That certainly makes things with Erik even more difficult. . . .
“I’d love to, but I’m totally swamped with homework. I have a big chem test tomorrow.” I nod, then take a giant bite of my apple. Too late, I realize that was a terrible excuse. Nikki has the same chemistry class as me.
I glance her way, but she’s too busy readjusting her cleavage to pick up on my lie.
“Oh,” he says, his voice falling.
I chew faster, swallow a painfully large bite of the apple. “Let’s do something this weekend. Like . . . the sun
I could handle a sunrise. By then I’d just have to time it just right, so that the sun is showing by the time we get there, but not all of the way up.
Cole lifts an eyebrow. “But it’s not over the ocean. That’s kind of the point.”
“Have you ever actually sat on the beach when the sun is rising?” I say, scrambling.
Cole shifts in his chair. “Um, no, I guess not. Why, is it different?”
“Trust me, it’s beautiful. There’s a sort of mist that clings to the ocean, and it makes it feel like you’re the only person in the world.”
That was terrible. But I just stare at him with a dopey hopeful smile, hoping he doesn’t read further into my expression.
“Wow, Lexi, you should totally write for hallmark,” Sienna says, rolling her eyes.
“Shut up, Sienna,” I say. But I smile when I say it. It feels pleasant and unfamiliar. A few short weeks ago I would’ve glared.
“Okay. Sure,” Cole says. “Saturday it is.”
Sienna clears her throat. “So if you’re not going to do the whole cheesy-romance-novel thing with Cole on Friday night, do you guys want to come over? My parents are out of town again. Nothing huge, but there’ll be a few of us. You’re invited, too,” Sienna says, nodding at Erik.
I blink. Sienna was quick to accept Erik into her fold. I wonder if it has something to do with the googly-eyed look Nikki is currently giving him.
“Oh, I—” I stutter reflexively.
“Absolutely,” Erik says.
I bite down on my tongue. I glance at him, and he gives me an apologetic shrug. He must think he’s being helpful, becoming part of the group like this, as if it will make our future love affair all that much more believable.
I give up. “Sure,” I say. “I’d love to come over.”
“Great,” she says, brightly, continuing her recent trend of being nice to me.
Craziness.
Suddenly, someone nudges my foot, emptying all thoughts of Sienna from my head. I glance up. Both Cole and Erik are looking at me.
I swallow and slide my foot back, hoping neither of them can reach it.
Because I don’t know who is playing footsie with me.
Chapter Twenty-One
I spend the next few days wondering if I should corner Erik and force him to back off on the party—on my life, really—but I can’t bring myself to do it. It doesn’t seem right to make him stay home alone. Not when I’ve spent two years doing exactly that. He wants to be normal as much as I do, and it seems unfair to take that away, especially since he spent all that time looking for me.
And that’s how I find myself driving up Sienna’s driveway, nerves raging in my stomach. Her parents are out of town. Again. I wonder how often they’re around these days.
Cole offered to pick me up, but I mumbled some crap about a curfew and my grandmother. I can’t stay for too long—it’s almost time for my nightly swim—and I couldn’t risk him asking me to stay.
Despite all the lies I’ve heaped on, I’m feeling . . . hopeful. Wistful. I haven’t gone to a party like this in two years, and I decided to make the best of it. I even pulled out my best jeans and a cute flowery top, something that actually fits me. I feel pretty. For once, my hair isn’t in a ponytail. Instead, I’m wearing it in natural spirals.
I don’t want to hide tonight.
In fact, I don’t want to hide at all anymore. I’m scared as hell, but I can’t go on like I did before.
And so here I am, ready to see if I can really have it all back.
Sienna clearly downplayed this little shindig, because her driveway is lined with cars. Cole’s, Patrick’s, Nikki’s, and about a dozen more I vaguely recognize from the school parking lot.
The door is half open, despite the fact that it’s barely fifty degrees out. A bass beat floats toward me, vibrating the ground beneath my worn-out sneakers.
Déjà vu hits. I feel that night again, the one when everything went wrong.
But I ignore the memories dancing in the back of my mind and walk inside. The sound of clacking pool balls pulls me in to the game room to my right. Sure enough, Erik is there, leaning across the table as he lines up a shot. His platinum wavy hair slides across his forehead.
He’s wearing a button-down left loose at the collar, but it does nothing to hide his sculpted body. No girl in the room seems to be immune to him. I want to walk over and hand Nikki a napkin to wipe the drool off her chin.
Behind them, Cole is perched on a stool, a stick resting on his lap.
Erik jerks the pool cue forward. It hits the cue ball, and there’s a loud crack as it smashes into the other balls.
Three balls drop into the pockets in rapid succession.
Cole subtly shakes his head. He’s clearly losing. Chewing his lip, he looks away from the table. And that’s when he spots me. His eyes light up. He passes the stick off to Nikki without looking at her as he makes his way toward me. She scowls, but I don’t care. It’s impossible not to smile at him.
“Hey,” Cole says, giving me a quick hug. He smells amazing, like hickory and cedar. I take in a deep, relaxing breath as he pulls me closer, nestling against him as he wraps an arm around me. “You look stunning,” he says.
Erik’s eyes flicker when he catches sight of us, but he doesn’t say anything until he’s done sinking the eight ball. Guilt sears through me. It’s probably not fair to hang all over Cole in front of him. He doesn’t let on that he’s bothered though. If anything, he seizes the challenge. “You’re just in time to play me,” he says.
“No thanks,” I say. I don’t feel entirely comfortable being around both of them at the same time. Not after lunch. “I think I’ll show Cole the house.”
I realize belatedly that my excuse is a lame one. Cole has been here more than I have for the last two years. Kristi and Nikki exchange a look, but Erik doesn’t pick up on it.
I drag Cole out of the den. We make our way across the tiled halls and I relish the warmth of Cole’s hand under mine. How did I ever live without touching him?
Somehow, we make it to the stairs. I find myself going up the same path I took with Steven two years ago— only this time,
I don’t know why I brought him out here. After all my fuss and homework excuses, all my efforts to avoid our spending a date at the beach, here I am, standing on the deck, staring at the ocean as the sun begins to set.
The last time I was here, I didn’t know what I was. What I was doing.
Tonight is different. Tonight I know what a dangerous game I’m playing. But, I have to see, once and for all, how strong the ocean’s pull is.
