reject me. Yet I thought of them all the time. Sometimes I dreamed they were dead; often I looked at the Bear in the sky because Papa had told me that he would always be there. Only when I was older did I realize that perhaps something bad had happened to them and they had had no choice but to leave me. But all through my life I’ve never been able to cry about them.”
Roza turned to Katinka. “You’ve done so well, my dear. Thank you from the bottom of my heart—thank you. You’ve changed my life. But I know you’re keen to get home and Pasha’s plane’s waiting at the airport to fly you to Vladikavkaz. Please go whenever you want to.”
Katinka kissed Roza and Lala and walked to the door—then stopped.
“I can’t go quite yet,” she said, turning back. “May I stay and listen? I’m afraid I’ve become more involved than I should have.”
Roza jumped up and hugged her. “Of course, I’m so pleased you feel like that. I’ve become very fond of you.” She sat on the bed again. “Lala, thanks to Katinka, I know about you and my parents. But please, tell me about Carlo.”
Lala took a sip of her wine and closed her eyes. “He was the sweetest child, built just like a little bear with adorable brown eyes, and he was such a child of love, so affectionate. He used to stroke my face with his hands and kiss me on the nose. The day I had to let him go was one of the cruelest of my life. We were at the Beria Orphanage—can you imagine a children’s home named after that creature? The day before, Snowy, I had seen you go away with the Liberharts and I could tell they were intelligentsia, Jewish professors, but you fought and kicked and screamed, and I cried for hours. I’d have kept you myself if I’d had the chance. But Satinov said, ‘Your husband won’t come back; they’ll come for you any day—and what of the children then? No, we must settle them so they have stable, loving families.’ The next day, two peasants from the north Caucasus turned up. They were collective- farm workers, Russians with some Cossack blood, but so primitive they actually came into Tbilisi on a tractor and cart, having delivered vegetables from their collective to the marketplace. I could tell they were uneducated and tough—they had hay in their hair. But I couldn’t question anything. We were so lucky that Satinov had arranged the whole thing. But Carlo was so sensitive. He had to have his Kremlin cookies because he had low blood sugar and felt faint. He had to be stroked to sleep at night, no fewer than eleven strokes—as Carolina the nanny had shown me. When they took him, I sank to the floor so distraught that I may have fainted. I don’t remember much of what happened afterward but a doctor came. I was inconsolable…”
Katinka felt a sudden shiver of excitement.
“How did you choose me as your researcher?” Katinka asked Roza. “Did you interview other applicants?”
“No,” she said. “We first sent a letter to Marshal Satinov. He was the only name I had. The only link. He refused to help us and said there was no connection to him. He insisted we needed a historian and put us in contact with Academician Beliakov, who placed the advert.”
“What did Beliakov tell you?”
“There were lots of applicants but you were the best—we didn’t need to see anyone else.”
Katinka got up, aware that Roza and Lala were looking at her strangely. Her heart was pounding. Only Satinov knew the names of the adoptive families, she thought. Did this mean that he knew something about her too? If so, when he received Roza’s letter, all he had to do was call his friend Academician Beliakov: “When some millionaires want to hire a student for some family research, give them the Vinsky girl.” She had been searching for Carlo in the archives, when all the time he’d been much, much closer.
“I have to go,” she told Roza, already at the door and running down the steps. “I have to talk to my father.”
25
“We longed for a child of our own,” Baba told the family as they sat in the shabby living room of their blue- shuttered cottage.
Katinka looked around the familiar room in the house where she had grown up. Every face was anguished and it was her doing. Her sturdy grandmother, Baba, in her floral housecoat and with a red kerchief on her head, sat in the middle on the frayed, sunken chair, her wide face a picture of anxiety. Katinka had never seen her so distraught. Her peppery, splenetic grandfather, Bedbug, paced the room, spitting curses at her. But it was her beloved father who caused her the greatest pain.
Dr. Vinsky had driven straight from his office, still in his white coat, to meet her at the airport. When he saw his precious daughter, he had hugged and kissed her.
“I’m so pleased you’re home,” he said. “The light of my life. Is everything all right? Are you OK, darling?”
She looked into his thoughtful and serious face, so matinee-idol handsome with that dimple in his chin, and realized that she was a time bomb about to shatter his family. “What is it?” he said.
Then and there, she told him the whole story.
He said nothing for a while then lit up a cigarette. Katinka waited nervously but he did not argue with her. He just went on smoking and pondering.
“Papochka, tell me, should I have kept silent? Shall we forget it?”
“No,” he said. “If it’s true, I want to find my sister, if I have one. I want to know who my real parents were. But beyond that, I think it will change little for me. I know who I am. My parents have loved me all my life and they’ll always be my parents and I’ll always be the boy they loved. But it could break their hearts—and that would break mine in turn. Let me talk to them…”
The rest of the drive home was silent. As they drove into the village of Beznadezhnaya, Katinka should have been full of the joy of homecoming. But now the village itself seemed different; the cottage had changed; it was as if everything had been shaken up and put together differently in a thousand little ways.
Without Katinka’s mother, the family might have broken apart on her father’s anguished silence and the obstinate secrecy of the grandparents. But as soon as Katinka explained everything to her, Tatiana—often so vague and featherbrained—set to work calming her husband and reassuring Bedbug and Baba.
At first, her grandparents claimed to know nothing. They said it was all a mistake and Katinka wondered if she had imagined everything. Perhaps she had become overinvolved in Sashenka’s story? Perhaps she was so obsessed she was losing her mind?
“This is a dagger through my heart,” Baba had told her son. “A lie, a libel!” She sat down defiantly. “What a thing to say!”
Bedbug was raging. “Haven’t we loved you all your life? Haven’t we been good parents? And this is how you thank us—by claiming we’re nothing to you!” He turned on Katinka. “Why toss these lies in our faces? Shame on you, Katinka! Is this some trick, some joke of those rich Jews in Moscow?”
Katinka was racked with pain and doubt. She looked at her father. She had never seen his face so tormented.
Then Katinka’s mother intervened. “Dear parents,” she said, “you’ve been like parents to me and I know Valentin loves you more than you can know.” She turned to her husband. “Darling, tell them how you feel. Tell them now.”
“Papa, Mama,” he said, kneeling at the feet of the old peasant woman and taking her hands. “You’re my parents. You’ll always be my beloved Mamochka and Papochka. If I was adopted, it’ll change nothing for me. You’ve loved me all my life. I know nothing but your loving kindness. I know who I am, and I will always be the little boy you’ve loved as long as I can remember. If you chose not to tell me before, I understand. In those days, people
