“You’re drunk.”
“I just want to talk,” I said on the step of Number 11, waiting for that big red door in my face.
“You’d better come in.”
The fat Scottish woman from two down was sat on the sofa in front of
“He’s had a few,” said Paula, closing the door.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” laughed the Scottish woman.
“I’m sorry,” I said and sat down on the sofa next to her.
Paula said, “I’ll make a cup of tea.”
“Thanks.”
“Do you want another, Clare?”
“No, I’ll get off,” she said, following Paula into the kitchen.
I sat on the sofa in front of the TV, listening to whispers from the next room, watching a young girl tapdance into the hearts and homes of millions. Just above her, on top of the TV, Jeanette smiled her handicapped grin across the room at me.
“See you later, Eddie,” said Scotch Clare at the door.
I thought about getting up, but stayed put and mumbled, “Yeah, goodnight.”
“Aye. Be nice,” she said as she closed the big red door behind her.
There was applause on the screen.
Paula handed me a mug of tea. “Here you go.”
I said, “I’m sorry about this. And last night.”
She sat down next to me on the sofa. “Forget it.”
“Always turning up like this and then all that shit I said last night, I didn’t mean any of it.”
“It’s all right, forget it. You don’t have to say anything.”
Some robot aliens were eating instant mashed potato on the TV.
“I do care.”
“I know.”
I wanted to ask about Johnny but I put down the tea and leant over, bringing her face closer to my own with my left hand.
“How’s your hand?” she whispered.
“It’s fine,” I said, kissing her lips, her chin, and her cheeks.
“You don’t have to do this,” she said.
“I want to.”
“Why?”
A monkey in a flat cap was drinking a cup of tea on TV.
“Because I love you.”
“Please don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”
“I mean it.”
“So say it again.”
“I love you.”
Paula pushed me away and took my hand, switching off the TV and leading me up the steep, steep stairs.
Mummy and Daddy’s Room, the bedroom so cold I could see my breath.
Paula sat down on the bed and began to undo her blouse, her bare skin all covered in goose-bumps.
I pushed her back on to the eiderdown, kicking off my shoes with two loud thuds.
She squirmed beneath me, trying to wriggle free of her trousers.
I pushed up her blouse and black bra and began sucking at her pale brown nipples, biting her ever so slightly.
She was pulling off my jacket and pushing down my trousers.
“You’re filthy,” she giggled.
“Thanks,” I smiled, feeling the laughter in her belly.
“I love you,” she said and pulled her hands through my hair, pushing my head gently down.
I went where I was told, tugging down the zip of her trousers and pulling off her pale blue cotton knickers with them.
Paula Garland pushed my head into her cunt, wrapping her legs across my back.
My chin became wet, stinging as it dried.
She pushed me back.
I went.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you,” I mumbled, a face full of cunt.
She pulled me back up, over her tits.
I kissed her as I went, hitting her lips with the taste of herself.
Her tongue on mine, both tasting of cunt.
I pulled myself up, pain in my arm, and pushed her over on to her belly.
Paula lay on the eiderdown, her face in the pillow, wearing only her bra.
I looked down at my cock.
Paula raised her arse slightly and then back down.
I pushed her hair up and kissed her neck and the backs of her ears, working myself between her legs.
She raised her arse again, juices and sweat making it wet.
I sat back and began rubbing my cock on the lips of her cunt, bandages in her hair, my left palm flat on the small of her back.
She raised her arse higher, backing her cunt on to my cock.
My cock touched her arse.
She reached her hand round to my cock, guiding it away from her arse and into her cunt.
Inside and out, inside and out.
Paula, opening and closing her fist on the bed.
Inside and out, inside and out.
Paula, face down, fists closed.
I slipped out hard.
Paula, fists open, sighing.
My cock touched her arse.
Paula, trying to look round.
A bandaged hand on the back of her neck.
Paula, a hand flailing after my cock.
My cock on the edge of her arsehole.
Paula, shouting into the pillow.
In tight.
Paula Garland, screaming and screaming into the pillow. A bandaged hand pinning down her face, another round her belly.
Paula Garland, trying to break free from my cock. Me, fucking her hard up the arse. Paula, limp and shaking with tears. Inside and out, inside and out. Paula, blood on her arse.
Inside and out, inside and out, blood on my cock. Paula Garland, crying. Coming and coming and coming again. Paula, calling out for Jeanette. Me, coming again.
Dead dogs and monsters and rats with little wings.
There was someone walking around in my head, shining a torch and wearing big boots.
She was outside in the street, pulling a red cardigan tight around herself, and smiling at me.
Suddenly a big black bird swooped down from the sky and into her hair, chasing her down the street, taking out huge clumps of blonde hair all bloody at the roots.
She was lying in the road with her pale blue cotton knickers showing, like a dead dog hit by a lorry.
