the Land of the Free for the first time. Oh no. She’s got a hidden agenda and that is to suck up to Uncle blasted Wally and Auntie J to such good effect that, they being childless and therefore necessarily without issue, will leave their vast fortune to our four dear daughters when they finally drop off the Dralon perch and go to the Bible Belt in the sky.’
‘You really think…’ Braintree began but Wilt raised a hand.
‘Hush, I am trying to. That being Eva’s intention, what will put the mockers on the diabolical scheme? Frankly, loving father that I am, I’d still have to say that having Penny, Samantha, Emmy and Josephine about the house for two months ought to do the trick quite nicely. By the time they leave even Auntie Joan, who oozes sentimentality and drools on about how cute things are, will be dying to be rid of them and Wally will celebrate their departure by throwing the biggest party Wilma’s seen for years. The only snag is that I would have to be there sharing the inferno and getting the blame for their appalling behaviour. No, I shall have to think of something in the way of a pre-emptive strike. I shall go away and meditate.’
He did so through an hour of Gender Assertiveness for Mature Women none of whom had anything to learn about asserting themselves. In fact they asserted themselves so thoroughly that all he had to do was to get them going. After that he could sit back and nod and agree to everything they had to say. He had learnt the trick from Eva who was always pointing out how inadequate he was as a husband, a father and a sexual partner. Wilt had long since given up disputing his failings and now let the tide of her disapproval roll over him without really noticing it. He did the same with the Mature Women but first he had to provoke them. He did this now by pointing out that there could be no such thing as male menopause because men didn’t menstruate. The resulting storm of disagreement occupied the class very happily for the rest of the hour while Wilt wondered why it was so easy to provoke people who had fixed ideas and also why, having got them going, they adamantly refused to listen to any counterarguments. It had been the same with his old classes of Gasfitters and Printers. Then it had only been necessary to say he thought capital punishment was wrong or that there was a perfectly sound case for thinking homosexuals were born that way and all hell would break loose. Wilt considered Wally Immelmann’s most violent prejudice and realised it was socialism. He particularly loathed trades unions and equated them with communists, devil worshippers and the Evil Axis. Wilt had once admitted he’d voted for the Labour Party and belonged to a trades union. The explosion that had followed suggested Uncle Wally was about to die of apoplexy. Remembering the occasion, Wilt realised he had found the solution to his problem.
When the class finished and the mature women dispersed to assert themselves somewhere else, Wilt went across to the library and took out six books.
‘And where do you think you are going with those?’ Eva demanded when he got home and put them on the kitchen table and she spotted their titles.
‘I’ve got to give a course on Marxist ideology and revolutionary theory in the Third World next term. Don’t ask me why but I do. And since I don’t know the first thing about revolutionary theory or Marxism and I’m not even sure there is a second world let alone a third, I have to bone up on it. I’m taking them to Wilma.’
Eva was gaping at the title of another large volume which read _Castro’s Struggle Against American Imperialism._
‘Are you insane? You can’t take that to Wilma,’ she gasped. ‘Wally would kill you. You know what he feels about Castro.’
‘I daresay he doesn’t like him very much…’
‘Henry Wilt, you know perfectly well…you know…you know he was involved with whatever
