Sultan.
But, to return, Mehemet Rezeh Beg, having refused to make his entry into Paris in a coach, rode on horseback.
Here he appeared like one of the heroes of ancient Xerxes.
His physiognomy was of the first craft for dignity, and his black eyes seemed vivacity itself without the least tincture of levity, which too often accompanies it.
His turban, corresponding with the other parts of his dress, glittered with jewels; but these were in a great measure obscured when he received an audience of the French King, by the brilliancy of the court. His Majesty had on a velvet habit entirely covered with diamonds, and with all the appendages of royalty sat upon a throne elevated for the purpose of displaying his magnificence to the greater advantage; the dauphin, it is to be observed, sat near His Majesty; the Duke of Orleans on the other side, and the princes of the blood according to their different ranks; while the princesses appeared upon an amphitheatre upon the right and left, arrayed in a manner so rich and brilliant, as no doubt to form one of the first spectacles in the world. The ambassador and his suite had now to pass through a lane of courtiers hardly less showy, and, though he was received in the most gracious manner imaginable, he insisted upon kissing the dauphin, and with his sabre in his hand effected it by main force; and though His Majesty every day sent him three sheep, a lamb, forty pounds of rice, butter, milk, amp;c. he ate nothing that was not prepared by his own servants.
But the cream of his proceedings was in the reception he met with in Provence, previous to his arrival at Paris. The corporation of one of the principal towns there, hearing that a deputation had been sent from Marseilles to congratulate him on his entry into that place, were resolved to imitate them, but what to do for an orator to express their sentiments in the Persian language, they knew not. However, after a strenuous search, they found a sailor who had been a long time at Bassora, and, in fine, was just such a person as they wanted.
An oration being drawn up was soon got by heart, and translated by the new spokesman, who, being habited for the purpose, was put at the head of the corporation to address the ambassador on his entrance into the town. But in the delivery of this address, his excellence proved his misfortune; for his language appeared so perfect to the ambassador, that he could suppose him no other than some renegade disciple of Mahomet, a description which ail true believers hold in the utmost contempt, and never fail to chastise to the farthest extent of their abilities.
Under this view, instead of the gracious answer expected by the orator, the ambassador began to upbraid him in the most opprobrious terms: 'Wretch!' said he, drawing his cymitar, 'confess the truth, or thou this instant losest thy head! Art thou not an apostate from the true faith of the circumcised?'
Not expert enough to give a direct answer to a charge of this kind, the orator used every gesticulation that fear could suggest to appease the other; and as he had previously instructed the corporation to imitate him in ail the compliments he made use of, the rage of the Persian was for some time diverted in seeing the positions of the other scrupulously followed by his attendants, though it was evident to him that in the principal they were entirely directed by the danger which he apprehended from the cymitar which the enraged Persian was waving over the head of the culprit.
This humorous equivoque endured for several minutes; but, as necessity is the mother of invention, it occurred to the trembling orator that nothing could convince the Persian that he was no apostate so much as ocular demonstration, as this would infallibly prove to him that he had not been circumcised. Accordingly, unbuttoning his doublet, he instantly produced his water conveyance! — a proof convincing enough.
But this was not all; the corporation, fearing the danger that threatened them, immediately did the same! A spectacle of this nature may more easily be imagined than described — for to have seen a number of grave magistrates and others in a situation this ludicrous, could only be done justice to by the hand of a Hogarth. It is sufficient to say that the reproach occasioned by this circumstance has become perpetual upon the place, insomuch that it is now proverbial in that part of France, to say that 'If you ask a Provencal a question which he cannot answer, he will immediately show you his prick.'
ECCENTRICITIES
An old woman in Yorkshire, coming from the hayfield astride on horseback, was met by a young man on the road, who says to her, 'What, Betty, got on astride?' 'Ay, my lad,' replies she, 'it makes na matter, its as broad as its long!'
The daughter of Pythagoras used to say that the woman who goes to bed with a man must put off her modesty with her petticoat, and put it on again with the same.
Mr. Senior, a painter of York, imitated the crowing of a cock so well that a lady thus addressed him: 'Mr. S., you crow so like a cock that one would think you was got by one.'
'Madam,' says he, 'what do you think I was got by?'
Benserade had often rallied a friend for his impotency.
After some absence, his friend meeting him said, 'There is an end of your raillery now, my wife brought forth a boy this morning.' 'Oh, Sir,' said the poet, 'I never doubted the ability of your wife.'
It chanced, during the rapturous embraces of a wedding night, the bride unfortunately broke wind, upon which, says the ignorant husband, 'Rot me, if this ain't too bad, for a bran' new utensil to crack the first time of using.'
A wife, in bed with her husband, pretended to be ill at ease, and desired to lie on her husband's side; the good man, to please her, passed over her, not, however, without being somewhat detained in the transit. She had not lain long before she wished to lie in her old place again, and urging her husband to repass the road he came, 'I had rather,' said he to her, 'go a mile and a half about.'
A simple-minded country wench, in Worcestershire, I think, was lately driving a cow to be bulled, when, lo, the bull was gone astray, or absent at least. Upon this the poor girl took mightily on, and at length fell a crying, when a person who was near asked why she cried, since the bull was sure to be found again. 'Aye,' says the girl, 'but then it may be all over with the cow — for that they are not like us Christians.'
A young lady was taking an air on horseback near Bristol with her footman behind. Unluckily her horse threw her.
When she called out, 'John, did you ever see the like?'
'Yes, madam,' says John, 'your sister has just such another backside.'
Miss — , the celebrated Diana, one day fell topsy turvy in a fox chase, when a countryman immediately flew to her assistance; she asked him if he was married; he replied he was single, on which she said if he had been a married man she would have given him a crown, but as he was a bachelor, the treat was quite sufficient.
At a dinner of one of the late sessions at the Old Bailey, the Recorder, who presides there, and whose urbanity is not a little distinguishable, was pressing Judge Gould to eat some jellies, which came from Birch, the pastrycook, of CornhilL 'That may be, Mr. Recorder,' said Judge Gould, 'but though I am much obliged to you, I don't stand in need of birch and jellies yet.'
NARCISSUS
As I was walking I cannot tell how,
Nor I cannot tell whither or where,
I met with a crew of I cannot tell who,
Nor I cannot tell what they were,
But virgins I think — for they cried,
'Narcissus, come kiss us, and love us beside.'
They sung a fine song of I cannot tell what,
Nor whether in verse or in prose,
Nor knew I the meaning, although they all sat,
Even as it were under my nose;
