produced by a too great quantity of blood and animal spirits; and second, by a sort of mixed cause, which is, when the moderate animal functions are irritated and set afloat by men who either neglect, or are not vigorous enough to gratify.
Let any of the male species, possessed of health and ability, with a strong natural desire of indulgence, contemplate for one moment what would be his feelings if he slept whole nights, we are much afraid we might say whole weeks, in the same bed with a woman who, either having excited his passions, would refuse him, or with a woman who, having no passions of her own, is incapable of exciting them in others.
Is it not like lying and rotting in cold oblivion? And would any, the most scrupulous champion of chastity, blame nature for seeking a more congenial association? Certainly not. Let us reverse this statement, and we must admit that it turns just as much in favour of the fair sex. Men neglect the objects of their former admiration and enjoyment, because they can with impunity have recourse to others; but if the same fear of disgrace attended such courses as does similar gratifications in women, we are apt to believe that the former thereby gratifying the latter, though in a kind of involuntary manner, would often save both from shame and perpetual solicitude.
By the initial observations we do not mean to glance the least reflection upon the gentleman whose frail associate is the principal character of our present memoir. On the contrary, it is but justice to acknowledge that he can advance no fewer than eight living arguments in favour of his connubial and dutiful attention.
He is one of three sons of a certain titled lady who are all remarkable for bearing different names, though we believe the children of the same father, and remarkable for as great a share of amiability as in genera! falls to the lot of one man.
About eleven years ago he made choice of a young lady whose name for the sake of her family we must not at present reveal, though a very little time will in all probability make it public in the regions of Doctor's Commons. Nature seemed to have been profuse to her in all its favourite endowments — mildness, delicacy, sweetness of manners, and beauty, all united to inspire admiration, and with these, in her virgin train, he led her to the altar of hymen.
Ten years they trod the flowery paths of love, of rapture, and of domestic bliss; and in the course of that period were blest with eight lovely children, in each of whom were united all the fine qualities so conspicuous in their parents. Unfortunately, however, the next produced effects which blighted all the fruits and flowers of Paradise, and left it a deserted wilderness.
Mr. M- for such is the first letter of this gentleman's name, who had ever been in the habit of giving his wife proofs of his continued tenderness, in the beginning of this year made her a present of a very beautiful horse for her own riding. It was, indeed, in every respect, in his fond imagination, worthy of so inestimable a burden, and in their frequent excursions through the country, on hill and in valley, upon the borders of the restless ocean, and on the flowery downs, seemed always conscious and proud of its mistress.
It happened sometimes that Mr. M- could not make it convenient to be of our heroine's pedestrian parties, and at her settled time of life, and with her established character, it was not at all thought indelicate to allow her an exercise of which she now became every day fonder and fonder, attended only by a single groom. In some time her rides were observed to be much longer than usual, but, except when she kept dinner waiting, the period of her absence was not observed. Her hair was frequently remarked to be much dishevelled, and on one occasion the skirt of her riding habit was perceived to be greatly crumpled and very dusty — but still such was the confidence of her fidelity, that suspicion never so much as glanced against her virtue.
John, the groom, the hero of our narrative, was a stout, dirty, vulgar, lump of a country bumpkin, about twenty years of age, with short docked hair, a ruddy complexion, and a
pair of fists as hard and ill-coloured as labour and the sunbeams could make them. In addition to this, his mental powers kept in exact unison, he could neither read nor write, nor even speak, except when repeating what he had often occasion to say to his horses, or his fellows of the manger. Yet, notwithstanding all this, such were the effects of his personal charms in the eyes of our heroine, such were the music and persuasive eloquence of his voice and conversation in her ears, that after a long struggle between virtue and desire the latter became the conqueror, and nothing short of enjoying the superior delights of his person could content her.
Whether she made her first advances in a shady grove, or whether on the sunny bank of a retired river, whether she allured him by progressive soft seduction, or whether urged by the impetuosity of uncontrolled passion, she vie et armis secured her object, is not certain. It is sure, however, that the shady grove and sunny bank have often been the theatres of her delights, and that the lovers and zephyrs have, in those selected places, smiled upon her transports.
The season for external recreation began now to decline, and winter, rough and rainy, set in to prevent the full enjoyment of her wishes. Her tender affection for the athletic groom knew, however, no abatement; and in order to support that she affected the most unremitting solicitude for her horse, the present of her still unsuspecting husband. She used frequently to contract the pleasures of her own table to have ocular proof that Silverfoot was not neglected. In short, her anxiety for that favourite animal at length became so remarkable as to make her the subject of raillery, and at length to surprise her family.
It happened one evening between tea and supper, after a stable visit, that she returned to the drawing room in some degree of disorder, and Mr. M- with surprise, perceived something like horse-dung stains and straws sticking to the covering of her posteriors and the back part of her dress. As this appearance was not less unaccountable than extraordinary, it produced for the first time extraordinary and unaccountable sensations — a thousand flashes of thought crossed the imagination of Mr. M — , and jealousy, for the first time, seized upon his tormented feelings. He had, however, discretion and temper enough to suppress his suspicions, and to resolve upon proving whether they were well or ill founded.
Agreeably to this resolution the next evening, when he saw by the uneasiness and agitation of our heroine, that she was preparing for a visit to the stable, he pretended indisposition, and, declaring that a short repose would render him service, retired, as if to rest upon a sofa in his study. Instead of which he stole to the stable, where concealing himself completely in the hay-loft, he remained snug until he heard his lady and the groom enter. Heaven and earth, and great and little stars! What were his emotions when he heard the former, in the strongest terms of love, excuse herself for being so long beyond her time, and the rustic brute of her regard upbraid her in terms of the lowest and most indecent language, for delaying his enjoyment. She soon soothed him, however, and his impatience superseded his choler. Without further ceremony he locked the door, and having spread a truss of straw on the pavement threw her thereon, and with rapidity, and in the full view of his enraged master began the operation pf disgrace.
The act in itself was sufficiently provoking, but it was all the time attended with peculiar circumstances of comparative mortification. It was- 'Oh! Oh! Dearest John- what a difference (and then a long break) between you and your master.
Charming, John! I love you better than the whole world!' and a variety of other expressions, every one of which went like a barbed arrow into the heart of the listening and beholding husband.
Rage now getting the better of every consideration, Mr. M- called out, 'Abandoned woman; have I caught you?' A violent shriek from the detected matron succeeded.
John, without finishing his business, started up, and running out of the stable effected his escape; and when the husband descended, he found his terrified inconstant wife extended in the very position of the act, and in a state of insensibility, from which it appeared impossible to arouse her.
However enraged at her degenerate infidelity, however astonished at a discovery which, in his judgment, exceeded every boundary of female infamy, yet a recollection of his children, and the many days and nights of joy which he had experienced in her society, prevented him from violence. He adjusted her habiliments, and having by great exertions brought her to her senses, would have even concealed her shame, but Johnny in his flight disclosed the whole secret, which, upon returning to the house, he found was well known to all the servants.
It was not the intention of Mr. M- ever more to cohabit with our heroine, but without divulging the cause to separate; in this, however, he was disappointed by John's flight and discovery, and now means to proceed in a legal way for a divorce.
Did David show us anything
When for his infant sorrowing?
To show his grief did not he sing?
What do we learn?
My friend, the mourning pious king,
