hurried manner and the voice of E., evidently half suffocated with extreme agitation, exclaim, 'Bessy!
Bessy, come here!'
As the time he had left the house was not sufficient to allow of his having reached even the nearest tavern, I was for a few moments greatly puzzled in what manner to account for his instantaneous return; but did not long remain in ignorance of the unpleasant truth, for as the conversation in the next room became louder I plainly heard him accuse his wife of inconstancy, or at least of acting with unbecoming levity towards me; although he was evidently endeavouring to subdue his voice, I occasionally caught the following disjointed sentences:
'Don't tell me, I am satisfied, it was as I say.'
'But why not listen to reason?'
'Reason be d-d! I have listened to reason a cursed deal too long.'
'Well, but allow me to convince you of what I really did and do not make yourself ridiculous by persisting in-'
'D-n, madam! do you think I won't believe my own eyes? I am perfectly convinced already. Why do you stand between me and the door? Is it to save your smock-faced paramour from my vengeance?
D-n me, but he shall smart for this!'
'Listen to me for one moment, and for heaven's sake don't expose your folly to the neighbourhood; depend upon it that you'll sorely rue this conduct. If I fail to convince you of my innocence it will then be time enough for you to publish my shame. As it is, you only make yourself contemptible, for that I can convince you is indeed most certain.'
The last words of his wife appeared to have produced the desired effect, for the conversation that ensued was carried on in such an undertone that I could not distinguish another sentence; and in a few minutes after I heard him leave the house a second time with his original intention, while Bessy tauntingly exclaimed, 'To prevent the possibility of another mistake, I'll stand at the door till you return.'
She took her station there accordingly, merely seizing an opportunity as she saw him turn the corner of the street to whisper through my but half-closed door, 'No doubt you have heard the subject of our quarrel; excuse my coming to you now, love; tomorrow all shall be explained, but pray do not disturb yourself on my account. The mischief is now over; make yourself easy, and above all be careful of your health on my account.'
With these consoling words, she resumed her former station at the door.
Mr. E. in a short time returned and, having with the assistance of his wife prepared my medicine, a tantalizing conversation ensued, from which I discovered that, ashamed of his former suspicions, he was endeavouring to prevail on her to bring me the cordial. I plainly heard her answer, which she doubtless intended that I should-'No, no, it shall be my fault if ever I put it in your power to suspect me again; and even now I have half a mind to acquaint Mr. — with your ridiculous fancies, and if I should, you will lose the best lodger you ever had, and serve you quite right.'
'Come, come,' he replied, 'd-n it, drop the subject; it was all a mistake and any other man might have been deceived by such appearances; so don't be foolish.'
'Well, then, let's go together.'
They entered my room accordingly. Having drunk the potation, E., in a very friendly tone and as if nothing had occurred of an unpleasant tendency, wished me goodnight, while his sweet wife, although she spoke not, said quite sufficient with her intelligent eyes to render me happy during the night.
Being left alone, and my pain having greatly abated, I soon fell asleep, from which I awoke in the morning greatly refreshed and in perfect health, every symptom of the previous night's disorder having entirely left me. Anxious to hear the particulars of the before-mentioned quarrel, I instantly sought the presence of my love, who, overjoyed to find me so soon recovered, received me in her arms, and before proceeding with her narration vowed that after the excitements and misunderstandings of the night a soothing draught of some kind was wholly indispensable. I should have mentioned before that, whilst giving all due time and attention to the claims of the 'legitimate drama,' Bessy had under my careful tuition acquired a remarkable fondness for oral exercises, which her love for me, combined with the dictates of a highly erotic nature, quickly led her to perform with incomparable skill and gusto. On this occasion her fresh red mouth applied itself most lovingly to my delighted yard, engulfing it to the root, whilst my responsive tongue pushed softly between the lips of her coynte, and in a very few moments the exquisite pleasurable encounter was brought to its inevitable conclusion.
Oh, blessed daughter of the fishmonger, may the pillows lie soft beneath your snowy buttocks as your lord and master lies between your outspread thighs and deals you of his best! For to you, and you alone, do I owe the knowledge of this enchanting pastime, and but for you my love and I might have gone to the end of our days unthinking of the bliss we had but to put forth our lips to taste! So may the kindly god Priapus send you at your utmost need a skilful finger, a penetrating tongue, and a bold and generous dart to tickle, suck, or friction your dainty parts as your soul may desire and the amorous needs of the moment dictate!
The three articles above referred to were all brought into play, and more than once before I was sufficiently calm to give due attention to Bessy's spirited account of the causes which led to the recent rupture.
It appears that, yielding to an unaccountable impulse, dictated by jealousy, Mr. E., upon leaving the house, instead of proceeding at once to the spirit-merchant's had mounted the sill of the window, and thus being enabled to look through the hole cut in the top of the shutter for the purpose of admitting light, he had the mortification to behold his wife's arms round my neck and her lips pressed closely to mine, as I have previously related, when instantly re-entering the house he called her to him, telling her what he had perceived and at the same time reviling her with the most opprobious names; he flatly accused her of inconstancy, she persisted in her protestations of innocence, but all in vain; for a long time he refused to listen to her; and in fact it must be acknowledged that it was no easy matter to persuade a man to doubt the evidence of his own eyes; this arduous task, however, she at last managed to accomplish. She exclaimed against the folly of giving way to false appearances, pointing out to him the absurdity of his conduct in believing that he could really discern her exact situation from the position he had taken meanly to pry into her conduct; allowing, however, that any other man might have been equally deceived by similar appearances; she only blamed him for the violence of the language in which he vented his suspicions; she acknowledged that at the distance from which he had viewed the apparently obnoxious act, and from the situation in which she was standing at the moment, more particularly as her back was towards him, he might had been mistaken. But why not have demanded an explanation in milder terms when she could and would, in one moment, have fully satisfied him as to the purity of her intentions.
Surprised at the collected manner in which she met this serious charge, his passion gradually abated, and as we are all ever prone to believe that which we most desire, he in a milder tone requested that she would lose no time, but that if it were really possible proceed immediately to set his ruffled mind at rest by a plain and candid statement of the facts, which she did in the following terms:
'Well, sir, although I feel that apology is due from you to me, yet in justice to myself will I condescend to answer your demand and shame you out of such vile suspicions. You know that state in which you left our lodger, a condition which of itself was sufficient to dispel the doubts of any reasonable man; and having occasion to enter his room for a glass in which to prepare the intended remedy I was alarmed at hearing sounds proceed from him as from a person in agonies of suffocation. I spoke to him, but receiving no answer I advanced to his bedside. My worst fears were confirmed; his head had slipped from the pillow and he was breathing with great difficulty. Fearing he was dying I immediately raised his head, in doing which I was compelled to lean forward, and I have no doubt that it was at this moment when your jealous eyes beheld me and which you thought proper to interpret according to your own depraved imagination. I do not deny that from the situation in which you had foolishly placed yourself I might have appeared to be in closer contact with the man than the dictates of morality would warrant; yet when every circumstance is carefully considered I even now maintain that I must have been devoid of common feeling had I acted otherwise; that all I have been describing was but the business of a moment, you will know, for surely two minutes could not have elapsed from the time you left the house until you re-entered it and called me away in order to vent your jealous spleen upon me in the unmanly, brutal, and cowardly manner so peculiarly your own.'
Perfectly satisfied by this ingenious explanation the affair was dropped and never more alluded to by him. Our intimacy continued as before; I awoke each morning to share the joys of love, and every night beheld my faithful partner on her lonely couch ere I myself retired to rest; but soon a variety of circumstances combined which, notwithstanding our utmost caution, threatened to awake the demon of Jealousy that for a time had slumbered in his breast and render it expedient, in order to ensure safety, that one or both of us should quit E.'s house for
